Loss of innocence
by CindyBaby
Summary: Bobby saved Jack, and now he is hurt and may not live. Jack had never felt this kind of hate before.
1. Crumbling down

**Alright here we go. This fic is inspired from "Anon's" idea, where Bobby is the one hurt in the shootout instead of Jack, or rather while trying to protect Jack. I don't know yet where I'm going to take this, so many roads to choose from, I guess you'll have to read to find out ;) I don't own four brothers and the basic idea is like I said from Anon. **

_The winter here's cold and bitter. It's chilled us to the bone. We haven't seen the sun for weeks, to long too far from home. I feel just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground, I'm pulled down by the undertow, I never thought I could feel so low. Oh darkness I feel like letting go. _

The pain in his shoulder caused him to drop to his knees in the middle of the street. He focused his eyes on the man in front of him, the one who had shot him. He met his gaze, seeing his eyes through the mask he wore. Cold, they were cold he mused. As he watched the man raised his gun again, this time aiming for his head. He was almost detached from it all, the pain in his shoulder burning like fire, but he held the mans gaze when he heard a shout, followed by a shot, and the man fell. Bobby. Bobby was here. A van pulled up and men exited it quickly. Jack got to his feet, and moved as fast as he could to the house, at the same time knowing that he was never going to make it there. He never saw who fired the shots, but he knew exactley who it was that slammed into him and threw him down on the ground, his body landing on top of his, and he knew, long before he felt the shudder pass through Bobby's body, long before he felt his blood seep out from his body and onto his, that Bobby had been hit.

What happened next was a blur in Jack's mind. He saw himself grasp Bobby's weapon and fire at the shooters, he know he killed some of them. He knew Angel was firing at them from behind the brickwall, and as he watched Jerry ran over one of the shooter's and rammed a van heading straight for Jack and Bobby who was still on the ground.

The silence that followed was almost surreal as his brother's came running to them and fall to their knees beside them. Bobby was on his back, gasping for air, with Jack hovering over him trying to keep his hands pressed against his wounds. Angel took over and Jack grasped Bobby's face, trying to let him know through his eyes that this was not how it was supposed to go, he was not supposed to pay for Jack's mistake.

'Bobby please...'

Jack's voice was hoarse as the tears spilled down his cheeks. Bobby's eyes was fixed on his and he tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. As the brother's watched blood trailed down from his mouth and Jack's tears came faster.

'Please'

Bobby's hand grasped Jack's hard and he tried to say that it was okay, that this was okay. As long as he was okay, then everything was as it was supposed to be. He tried to let him know, but everything was cold now and getting darker. He focused on Jack's eyes and in them he saw the eight year old he had been, the fear in his eyes and the pain in his soul, the Jack he had been the first time he saw him standing in the Mercer house doorway, looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders alone. _You'll be okay... _He felt his eyes closing against his will, he couldn't go yet, he wanted to tell them to not do anything stupid, he wanted to tell them to live, to be happy, to have all the things they wanted, but most of all he wanted to tell them to take care of Jack, who he could see was breaking. He had been broken so much Bobby mused sadly. He wanted to tell them he loved them but now he couldn't see anything anymore, and the last thing he felt was Jack's hand grasping his own.

In the distance the sound of sirens coming closer echoed.

**Well that is the beginning people! I just wanted to get that part up, and now I'm going straight to work on chapter 2! Please tell me what you think :) **


	2. Please

**I hope you liked the first chapter of this story :) Now it's time for the rest of it, and one of the reason why I rated this story M is because I have a feeling it's going to be quite angsty. And who knows, there might be some sexual content, between who and what gender I can't say at the moment, so if any of the particular offend you keep in mind that you have been warned, that not said it will be, but who knows. I simply don't know yet. Another reason is that I want to explore Jack's dark side. I think he was different from his brothers in some areas, and that they kind of wanted to keep him from certain things, like guns and killing people. But in this version things have changed and someone might take his whole family, including the one he has always leaned on... How far will he go? And since this is Jack it will make him question a lot of things about himself. Might be issues with self harm. Well I think that is all, you have been warned. Happy reading! I don't own four brothers and I forget to mention the lyrics in the first chapter is from a song called 'full of grace' by Sarah Mclachlan.**

Hours passed without notice. Time had lost all meaning. The familiar tic toc from the clock should have been comforting, but no one even noticed. In their mind they were all reliving the events that led them here, to the waiting room in the hospital. Images moved in Jack's mind like a movie, playing over and over again. The images shifted from Bobby bleeding on the snow, to playing hockey with Bobby, watching movies with Bobby, Bobby beating up a guy for messing with him, Bobby beating up more guys... it went on and on. His brothers had forced him to get his shoulder checked, and it had been taken care of against his will. He didn't want help. He didn't want his shoulder to stop hurting. Nothing could hurt more than his heart anyway he mused. He had never felt this kind of pain before, and Jack was no stranger to pain. He had been sure he had experienced everything there was in the many ways of pain, but this. Nothing could have prepared him for this. This ache in his chest, this _emptiness _in his soul. He wanted to die.

He saw the glances Angel and Jerry kept shooting him, he knew they were worried about him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He couldn't meet their eyes, he couldn't look into their eyes with the knowledge that he did this. That Bobby may die, because he was once again to stupid. To fucking stupid. Just like he had always been. Wasn't that what they used to tell him when he was a kid, that he was stupid, worthless, nothing but a waste of space. They had been right. _Jerry and Angel haden't thought so, and neither did Bobby... _a vocie that sounded almost like Evelyn whispered to him, but he shook it off. Evelyn is dead he whispered to himself, so caught in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice that he spoke the words aloud, causing Angel and Jerry to look at each other again, their worried gaze wondering what they were going to do.

They all looked up at the sound of someone coming. They stood up to greet the doctor they knew had been treating Bobby, at least one of them. He had greeted them at the door.

'Family of Bobby Mercer?' He asked even though he already knew.

They all nodded, to afraid to speak.

'First of all I want to tell you that Bobby is still alive' They all drew in a relieved breath 'But, there were some complications...'

'What kind?' Jerry asked, his eyes wet.

'Well, he flatlined twice but we managed to bring him back, but now he have slipped into a coma, one not induced by us. We managed to stop the bleeding, but his body shut down'

'Is he going to wake up?'

Jack whispered the words. The doctor looked at him sadly for a few second before deciding that the truth was always better, they had to know what to expect.

'I don't know. I have to be honest with you, I have seen this before, it is quite common, and usually' he took a deep breath' usually the patient isin't strong enough to come back, but that dosen't mean that this will happen to Bobby, he may wake up. I just want you to be prepared for the fact that he may not'

'Can we see him?' Angel asked with a hoarse voice.

The doctor nodded and gestured at them to follow him. They walked down a long hallway and stopping at a door.

'If you have any questions, ask the nurses to beep me'

They nodded and the doctor left. Jerry opened the door and entered, followed by Angel and last Jack.

The sight of Bobby in a hospital bed was daunting. Angel and Jerry took a seat on his left side while Jack hesitantly took the right.

'Bobby...'

Jack wanted to hold his hand but there were so many machines connected to him, and he didn't want to hurt him. He laid his head down on the bed next to him and closed his eyes and tried to inhale the smell that was purely Bobby, but it was all wrong. He couldn't believe this, this was Bobby, the invincible. The one who would always come out standing, always. He always had. A tear trailed down his cheek.

Angel looked down on his big brother laying in the bed. How did this happen? He wanted to yell but he couldn't, he couldn't do anything. He laid his hand down on Bobbys and prayed. He felt Jerrys hand on top of his own on Bobbys.

Jack's tears came faster and he pressed his head against Bobbys arm.

'Please'

Jerry came over and tried to pull Jack away to hug him but he resisted.

'No, no. Don't make me leave please'

'I'm not Jack, please man...'

Jerrys voice trailed off, watching as his youngest brother held himself to the bed, a panicked look in his eyes that he reqogniced all to well. He tried to speak to him and touch him again but he recoiled so fast that his chair tipped over and he backed away against the wall, a blank look in his eyes that they hadn't seen in a few years but who was still fresh in their mind.

'Jack! Jack it's me, it's Jerry, calm down, no one is going to hurt you'

A nurse stuck her head in the door and immediatley called for back up before charging in.

'Mr Mercer you need to calm down or you'll have to leave'

Angel swore loudly as he heard the words and knew what effect they would have on Jack. Jack's eyes got bigger and he started breathing faster, he left the wall to grasp the bed as the nurse advanced.

'Back up Mam' Jerry adviced trying to push her back 'please if you could just leave us please...'

Angel reached Jack at the same time three guards came in.

'He needs to leave' the irritated nurse motioned to Jack.

"He's not going, he's going to calm down as soon as you leave' Angel shouted at the guards as they tried to move him away from Jack who was clutching the railing of the bed as if his life depended on it.

Jack flinched as a guard got close before he was pushed away by Jerry.

'Don't touch him' He snarled at the guard.

Jack's mind was whirling. Bobby. They were trying to take him from him, why he didn't know. Probably because Jack had been stupid again. He always did stupid things, he knew. But they couldn't, they couldn't take him. They couldn't, no no no. He screamed. And everything stopped. Everyone stopped. As everyone in the room watched he fell to the floor, his eyes wide open, staring unblinking ahead.

'Jack!' Angel and Jerry shouted, rushing to him and cradling his stiff body close.

The doctor from before entered, rushing to Jack as soon as he saw him. He checked his eyes, pulse and other things Jerry didn't even know what it was before he called for a strecther.

'Where are you taking him?'

'Your brother has gone into shock, he needs to be treated now, please step aside'

As Angel and Jerry watched Jack was wheeled away, that same blank look on his face that he had had when he first came to them, only now there was no Bobby here to fix it. They looked at each other, tears in their eyes before leaning into the other, trying to hold themselves up.

**Short chapter I know, the next one will be longer!**


	3. Lost

**Now we are going to take a trip in Jack's mind, and let me tell you, that is no place for children. Pretty much a lot of his memories. As usual I don't own four brothers. **

'Your brother has closed himself off'

Angel and Jerry stared at him, the feeling of hopelessness weighing their shoulders down.

'It means that..'

'We know what it means! We've lived with him since he was 8!' Angel snapped at the doctor. Jerrys strong hand on his shoulder calmed him slightly.

'Uh, his file says he's lived in New York for the...'

'The fuck does that matter? He could live on the moon and we'd still know...'

'Angel' Jerry cut him off gently.

Angel shook his head and turned away, unwilling to let the doctor see the tears pooling in his eyes. He took a deep breath and turned back to face the doctor. Jerrys presence calming him even more.

'What do you recommend doctor' Jerrys voice was calm, if you didn't know him as well as Angel did. He could her the slight tremor underneath the steady tone and he braced himself.

'I, well. I'm going to be straight to you. I want Jack moved to another facility'

'What?' Jerry and Angel looked at each other.

'I think, that your brother being in the state that he is, can't handle what's happening to Bobby right now, and I think he needs help, a lot of help, if he is ever going to function normally again'

Angel scoffed at the thought of Jack behaving normally, when had he ever? Stupid ass doctor.

'When you say another facility...' Jerry trailed off, a feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach, _no please not that... _

'I mean a place he can get the help he needs, and where he can't hurt himself...'

'You mean the looney bin' Angel cut him off 'No. No way'

'It's what's best for Jack' The doctor tried to point out.

Angel laughed, a hollow laugh, before shaking his head like he couldn't believe his ears.

'What's best for Jack? You think it's best for him to be surrounded by crazy people who chew on their hair and scream bloody murder if you even look at them? Is it best for him to be drugged up, restrained? Is it best to take him away from his family?'

At the end of his rant his voice had gotten louder and he was starting to draw attention from the guards who took a step toward them, but the doctor waved them off.

'Let's talk about this'

'No. You can't help him, you never have before'

'He's right'

The doctor looked over at Jerry with a bit of shock on his face. He had thought he was the level headed one.

'Jack dosen't respond well to being forced to do things, taking him to a, mental hospital is not going to help him'

'I can assure you, that they will take great care of Jack. I know this is hard, but you have to accept the fact that Jack is not well'

The symphatetic look on the doctors face only made Angel even more pissed off.

'Well shit. We didn't know that! I wonder why I still remember the nights I woke to his screams, why we waited 6 months to hear him speak, why he flinched everytime we looked at him, we know Jack' Angel finished, a glare on his face.

'Look doctor. You've read his file, I know you have. And I'm sure in there are evidence of the many times Jack has been ordered to see a shrink. And I'm sure the results are in there as well' Jerry tried to keep his voice steady.

The doctor only nodded, a grim look on his face.

'Jack dosen't talk to strangers. He never have, and he probably never will. The best thing for Jack is to be with the people he trusts. That is us, his family'

The doctor sighed as he and Jerry squared off, a silent battle of wills.

'Alright. But I want to keep him a few hours more for observation'

Jerry and Angel nodded while the doctor started to walk away then turned.

'I wish you and Jack all the luck, I hope you know what you're doing, he's your responsibility now'

'He always has been' Jerry stated while Angel nodded.

The doctor knew he wasn't going to win this fight, and who knew, maybe they were right.

'Would you like to see him?'

Angel and Jerry nodded, walking quietly behind the doctor to a room. He stopped to turn and look at them before opening the door.

'I have to warn you, he's not responsive and well, this can be hard to see'

'We've seen it before doctor' Jerry stated calmly.

But what he and Angel didn't vocie was that that was what they were most afraid off.

Jack lay in a bed, his eyes open but not seeing. His messy dark blonde hair was sticking up in every direction like always, his skin, always pale, looked even whiter now against the pillow. His brothers turned to close the door behind them before approaching the bed slowly. They each took a chair, pulling it as close to the bed as they could and laid there head down on either side of Jack's on the pillow.

'We're here now Jackie'

_Jack was hiding under the bed. It was what came natural to him, to hide under the bed. As if no one could find him there. But they could, and they usually did. But he had nowhere else to hide, nowhere else to go. His small body shook as the door opened with a bang. He slapped his hand over his mouth to stifle the frightened gasp. As he watched the shoes came closer and closer until they stopped by the side of the bed. Then they turned and walked to the door opening it. Jack almost whimpered with relief and closed his eyes as he heard the door close again. When he opened them again he was staring straight into the eyes of the monster. He was grinning, his smile evil._

_'Thought you were safe huh?'_

Jerry was talking to him. He talked about anything, right now it was when he met Camille. He knew Jack had heard the story many times before but he was afraid that Jack was slipping away from them, into his own mind where painful memories lingered and would only make him want to protect himself more, by closing off more. So he talked.

'What have you told Camille?' Angel asked.

'I told her to take the kids and get away from here as fast as she could'

'And she agreed?' Angel was a bit shocked, Camille was not a woman who just did as she what she was told without questioning.

'She did. I told her what was happening, they can't be here right now'

'You can go and say goodbye, they are your family'

'Your my family too, and Bobby, and Jack. And you need me more right now'

Angel tried to hold back those damn tears again. He held his hand out over Jack's body and Jerry grasped it hard, their eyes meeting over the still form of their little brother.

'We do'

_Each bite of the belt forced a scream from Jack's throat. His back was a bloody mess by now. As he watched the monster laughed and went up to grab something from the kitchen. Jack couldn't have moved even if he wanted. He was tied up on the floor, his hands around one of the legs of the table. The belt hit the ground next to him and his eyes were drawn to it against his will. The worn leather was stained with his blood._

_'Why didn't I get this idea sooner, it's so much more fun'_

_As Jack watched he poured salt over the belt, the crystals sticking to his blood. He closed his eyes._

'I'm going to go check on Bobby'

'I'll stay with Jack'

Angel and Jerry exchanged a look before Jerry got up and left the room. Walking down the hallway he was assaulted by the many memories he had of this place. One stood out in his mind, and he remembered walking down this hall, his mind taking him back several years before when he had just gotten home when his Ma had called to let them know that Jack was in the hospital. She had been at work when they called her. He had called Bobby and Angel who were closer and were already in Jack's room when he arrived. As he opened the door to Bobby's room the memory hit him harder and he remembered opening another door...

_Jerry pushed the door open and stepped inside._

_'Just tell me Jack'_

_Jerry could tell Bobby was losing his temper. He always was a hothead, and nothing made his blood boil more than his brothers being sight of his youngest brother in a hospital bed with a blue eye, busted lip and from what he could tell from his wince when he moved, cracked or broken ribs shocked him even though it shouldn't. This was Detroit after all. _

_'Jack'_

_Jack's, Bobby's and Angel's eyes all turned to look at him. In Jack's he saw relief. _

_'Thank God you're here Jerry' Bobby muttered 'Maybe you can talk some sense into your little brother huh? He refuses to tell me who beat him up!'_

_'Someone beat you up?'_

_When Jack refused to answer Jerry took a seat at his side at gazed down at the 12 year old boy. His blonde hair was even more tussled than usual and he looked so small in that big hospital bed. He recahed a hand out to stroke a stray strand out of his eyes, trying to ignore the flinch Jack almost always gave off. _

_Bobby huffed and dragged his hands through his hair as he started to pace. _

_'Just tell us kiddo' Angel's vocie was surprisingly soothing._

_'Yeah cause I'm going to find out anyway' Bobby declared 'and then I'm going to beat the shit out of him, fucking bastard' _

_'They said they would kill you' Jack cut off with a gasp, holding his hand to his mouth as if could stop more words to spill out that way. _

_'They?' Bobby was faster than a snake. _

_Jack shook his head and tried to shrink back into the bed. Bobby took the other side from Jerry and leaned over, his vocie serious._

_'Jack. You have to tell me okay, it's very important'_

_'I can't'_

_Jack's vocie was small and Jerry heard the regret in his tone._

_'Why can't you Jack? Is it because they said they would hurt you?' Jack shook his head_

_'Hurt us? Me?' _

_When Jack didn't answer Bobby got his answer. He turned and punched the wall with a growl, ignoring the pain in his hand. Jack jumped and then immediatley gasped and held his hand over his ribs._

_'Hey hey easy' Angel leaned forward and placed a hand on Jack's shoulder 'those things hurt like a bitch, better to stay still'_

_Bobby turned around and advanced on the bed, sitting down on the other side._

_'I want you to listen to me very carefully now Jack' Jack nodded, his eyes big and blue in his pale face_ '_Whenever something happens I want you to tell me alright, I don't care what it is, even if some teacher at school is giving you trouble I want you to tell me right away. And now I want you to tell me who did this to you'_

_'They said they would hurt you if I told you' Jack's voice was sad._

_'Who said that Jack?'_

_Jack hesitated for a long time before answering._

_'Tony, and John. And that guy we met at the store when you bought me candy'_

_To Bobby's credit he didn't fly off the rails and storm out of the hospital, the only sign that he was pissed was the narrowing of his eyes and his hands clenching so hard that the bones cracked._

_'Why did they jump you Jack?'_

_'They, they said that they were going to get back at you, but I couldn't tell you, because if I did they would hurt you'_

_Bobby's glare could have broken stone, but as his eyes rested on his sad little brother his eyes softened and he leaned down so that he was at an eye level with Jack._

_'Look at me Jack. Look at me' He repeated when Jack didn't immediatley. Jack's blue eyes met his own, a tear slipping down his cheek. Bobby brushed it away with his thumb before he spoke again._

_'You did the right thing telling me, because now I can deal with it'_

_'No Bobby' Jack clutched his arm with his small hand._

_'Yes Jack. They hurt you. No one is getting away with that. Never'_

_'They'll kill you' Jack whispered tearfully, his big blue eyes begging Bobby not to go._

_'Oh please, as if they could, and besides what are these guys' He gestured to Jerry and Angel 'molded cheese? They will help me, but I probably could beat Tony, John and that other ugly __motherfucker myself if need be'_

_'There's no need' Jerry directed his stern glare at Bobby._

_'Yeah we're coming with you dick' Angel cut in._

_Bobby rolled his eyes 'Alright girls'._

_'Bobby' Bobby looked down at Jack 'Please don't go'_

_Bobby's eyes softened and he tussled Jack's hair._

_'I have to Jackie. Your my brother. And I can't, and I won't let this go unpunished okay? I promise it will be okay. This is what brothers are for you know, we protect each other, why do you think I keep bullying Angel about La Vida Loca? I try to protect him from her devious ways'_

_Angel muttered and Jerry laughed quietly. _

_'Your a Mercer now Jack, and that means something. Do you know what it means?' _

_Jack shook his head even though he had some idea, he wanted, no he needed to hear Bobby say it._

_'It means that if someone is giving you shit, they are going to get it back, threefold' he gestured to himself and then Angel and Jerry 'and it means, that no matter what, we have your matter what Jackie. It means that you're not alone, you have 're always going to have us' Jerry and Angel came closer as they all gathered closer around Jack's bed 'We're the Mercer brothers Jackie, and no one fucks with a Mercer and lives to tell about it'._

_At that moment Evelyn entered the room and immediatley started fussing over Jack. Jack saw the look Bobby, Angel and Jerry exchanged and while their mother was pouring water into a glass for him they each gave Jack a hug. Jack held on a little tighter to Bobby._

_'Please, don't get hurt' he mumbled._

_Bobby laughed and tussled his hair again._

_'Oh please kid, I'm Bobby Mercer, no one can hurt me' he bragged._

_Jerry and Angel laughed at his bragging and nudged him in the shoulder __before__ they tried to slip out the door._

_'Boys?'_

_'Just getting some candy for the fairy Ma' _

_Then they took off, Evelyn sighing that she was no fool and stroked Jack's cheek softly._

Jerry sucked in a breath at the sight of his oldest brother in the hospital bed. The first time he saw him he had been to shocked to take in the sight, now he did. He looked... broken. The only sound in the room the beeping of all the machines. The machines who were keeping his brother alive. He sat down in the chair Jack had occupied before and rested his head in his hands, not even trying to stop the tears. He looked up, almost expecting Bobby to make some smart ass remark about how he had thought that Jack was the fairy in the family, and really, did Camille know that she had married a pussy?

No sound was heard and Bobby hadn't changed his expression. Jerrys tears came faster and he gripped Bobby's hand tightly slamming his other against his thigh hard.

'Goddamnit Bobby. You can't do this to us. Please'

Still no sound and Jerry cried harder, his body shaking with his sobs as he continued to grip Bobby's hand, as if by holding onto him he could stop him from slipping away from them.

'Please. Jack needs you, I need you. Angel too. We have lost so much already...'

No response. Jerry laid his head down against the bed as Jack had done, his tears staining the pillow. As memories filled his mind and his tears continued to run he whispered softly, clutching Bobby's hand with both of his.

'You're Bobby Mercer. Please act like it'

The only answer was the constant beep from the machines.

**Well this was not nearly as much of Jack's mind as I had planned. Oh well there is always next chapter :p please tell me what you think :)**


	4. Memories

**I have to say that this story is so inspiring, I really feel like there is no boundaries here, like I can take it in so many directions, it's thrilling to say the least. I also want to say thank you for taking the time to review, it makes me happy that you seem to like it :) And Anon I feel the same way about the brothers connection, all of it. And I really want to take the time to explore their relationship through flashbacks while two of them is unresponsive to the world, a little at least. But please tell me if it gets to be to much and you all want me to get on with story so to speak. As usual I don't own four brothers. If I did it would have ended happily. Or not at all. I would have turned it into a tv show. Like one of my favorites with Al Bundy. Except it would be the Mercer's. Yes, I am a lunatic (I assume you're wondering by now). **

_'Angel please...'_

_'No'_

_'But...'_

_'I said no Jack, Bobby would tear my fucking head of my shoulders if he knew I gave you cigarettes man, you know that. Besides, that shit is bad for you'_

_'That didn't stop you' _

_'That's different Jack. Totally different'_

_'How is it any different?'_

_'It's different cause you're my little brother Jack, and your only 13!'_

_Jack huffed and walked off, Angel shaking his head behind him. That was before he caught Jack on the roof of their house, smoking, and before he snatched his remaining packet and threw it into the fireplace, ignoring his protests. Jack was pissed at him he knew. Still, he was to young to be smoking anyway. As it turned out he got the chance to make it up to him when Bobby came home, holding the butt of a cigarette he found on the backside of the house. Jack actually looked scared, as he should be, who knew when Bobby would let him out if he found out it was him. So Angel did the only thing he could as a big brother. He took the blame and the expected head slap with a shrug, only rolling his eyes when Bobby remarked that he had been to cheap to get the good stuff too. The next day he found toothpaste who promised to whiten your teeth to an almost "glow in the dark level" on his bed, the expensive kind. Jack stepped out of the shower while he was brushing his teeth and they grinned at each other. A silent thanks in the blue eyes, and a look of understanding in the brown. _

Angel sighed as he remembered their meeting at the house the day of Ma's funeral, and Jack's words _Hey did you get your teeth whitened? Man, shut up Jackiepoo... _They had both grinned, their own secret. Now that seemed like a lifetime ago.

'Turns out that smoking will probably kill you, if a broken heart dosen't do it for you' Angel whispered.

Looking down at his little brother he wondered if Jack had ever been really put together, or if he was just as broken now as he had been when he first came to them. They had all tried so hard to make it right, to make him trust them, and he did eventually, and it made them feel like kings. They had all loved him from the first time they saw him. There was just something about him that screamed for help, and they were all willing to provide it. What they didn't want to provide was the drugs that he at times had craved to help him forget his past. Angel didn't blame him. He didn't know Jack's whole story, at least not like Bobby did, but he knew enough. And what he knew made him want to scream, cry and vomit at the same time. Not to mention kill the one's who had hurt him so bad, that had broken him so completely. They had had many conversations about it before, he himself, Bobby and Jerry, about tracking down every last one of those who had hurt Jack. An impossible quest as no one besides Jack knew how many they were, and he wasn't talking. But an oppurtunity had presented itself one day, a chance to get Jack at least some comfort, some kind of payback, and they had taken it without hesitation.

_Evelyn was quiet at dinner. Jack had noticed too, he was afterall an expert in determining peoples moods. He had gone up to his room after dinner, probably to play on the guitarr they had gotten him for christmas. Bobby teased him about sleeping with the thing next to him. When they heard the racket start upstairs Bobby sat down next to Evelyn._

_'What's wrong Ma?'_

_When she didn't answer straight away they knew it was serious. He stopped arguing with Jerry and turned to listen. _

_'It's' They were all horrified at the tears in their mothers continued after gathering herself. 'I had a visitor at work today. It seems as if Mr Jensen has been released from prison a few days ago, and he came to see me'_

_Bobbys hand slamming against the table made everyone but Evelyn jump. She laid her hand on top of his and held it. She turned to Jerry and Angel who didn't know who he was._

_'Mr Jensen was one of Jack's foster parents when he was in the system. He's been serving a sentence for theft and was released a few days ago'_

_They knew what this meant. This man had hurt Jack._

_'But, theft?' Jerry asked confused._

_'He has not been sentenced for anything else, because Jack ran away, and then he was arrested for theft, and by then Jack was found and placed in another family. He's never been accused of anything else, because Jack never said anything at the time, he was still to scared' Evelyns voice whispering that last part made them all look down and take a deep breath. 'and' they looked up again 'he's not going to now. Jack dosen't talk about it with anyone. You know that'_

_They knew. _

_'He came to see me and asked about Jack. Someone has broken protocol, and he knows he lives with me now'_

_'Ma, did he hurt you or anything?'_

_'No Bobby. But he asked about Jack, and I know, that that man is evil. I know what he did to Jack, because he himself told people, and that is how I got news of it, this was after Jack had came here, because that wretched bastard' they all flinched at their mothers unexpected language 'bragged about it. And today too. And I can't do anything about it'. _

_Hearing their mother whisper those last words cemented what Angel already knew. The system couldn't stop this man. He exchanged a long glance with his brothers. But they could._

_His mother had gone to bed shortly after that. She must have been really tired and worried, because she didn't even tell them not to do anything stupid. _

_And so it began. They planned and they followed. Angel charmed a girl working at another foster care group into giving him a look at her computer while she went to grab a coffee and Bobby and Jerry took to the streets to ask around. All their work didn't matter though because he came to them._

_Angel, Bobby and Jerry was sitting outside, it was summer and the heat was almost stifling. They were sitting quietly planning their next move, Jack was once again in his room playing until the walls was about to crumble around him, when an unexpected hello came from the road. They stood up immediatley, recognicing him from the file Angel had managed to swipe. _

_'Is this the residence of Jack Mercer?'_

_Bobby stepped up, stopping a few feet from the man to avoid killing him right there, Angel and Jerry stood beside him. _

_'Who wants to know?' _

_'Oh I'm Mr Rhodes' He held out his hand but dropped it when no one made a move to grab it 'I'm an old friend to Jack from before, is he home?'_

_'We don't know what you're talking about?' Jerry spat out._

_'I'm here to see Jack' his voice was at once no longer so nice._

_Bobby took a threataning step forward but was stopped by Angel's hand on his arm. Bobby looked in the direction Angel nodded and saw the mailman making his way to them. _

_'You better get the fuck out of here before I rip off your dick and beat you to death with it' Bobby's voice was colder than ice._

_When the man hesitated Angel spoke up just as Jerry took a step forward._

_'You better listen, cause I'm dying to burn off some energy, and nothing burns energy like beating someone to death' _

_Confronted with the three brothers Mr Jensen shot them an evil look before walking back to his car. As he drove off Bobby nodded to them._

_'Follow him' _

_Angel and Jerry nodded and was about to go when they saw Bobby stare up at the house. A feeling of unease settled in Angels stomach and he was horrified to discover Jack's scared face in the window facing towards them. _

_Bobby was in the house before they had the time to react, and they glanced down the steet, unsure of what to do. _

_'Bobby will handle Jack. We need to find out where this fucker lives' Jerry said._

_Angel agreed. Bobby could handle Jack. He hoped so at least. They caught up to him fairly soon but kept their distance until he stopped and walked into an old house in one of the shittiest parts of town. Jerry shook his head when he noticed Angel's longing look towards the house, and they drove off. _

_'Not yet Ang'_

_When they came back to the house they found Bobby rocking Jack in his arms. The boy still and quiet, having retreated into himself._

_'He was about to leave when I got up. I talked him into staying til tomorrow at least, I told him we'd deal with it, but he dosen't believe me. Tell me you have something'_

_'We do'_

_Jerry's confirmation made Bobby sigh and mouth to them when he heard his mother come home and up the stairs. "Tonight"._

_After explaining to Ma that Jack was not well, Evelyn naturally decided to stay with him at all times, giving them the chance they needed, and when it got dark they left. _

_They returned home several hours later smelling like gaseline and blood. Evelyn eyed them where they stood in the hall._

_'Bobby. I adore the fact that you care so much, you know that, but what have you done?' _

_Her voice was sad and any other time Bobby would have felt ashamed, he didn't now._

_'Nothing Ma. Just playing around'_

_'Don't lie to me'_

_The sound of Jack crying reached them and Bobby looked at his mother._

_'Go' She gestured up the stairs 'but we are not done talking about this'_

_They knew that. Their mother had morals, even if they hadn't really passed on to her adoptive children._

_Opening the door to Jack's room they found him in the bed, under the covers, looking every bit the scared 8 year old they had first met. Angel and Jerry sat down on the bed next to him and Bobby sat on his knees on the ground next to his head. Reaching into his back pocket Bobby produced a slightly burnt photo of Jack and Mr Jensen, taken while he was still in his care. Mr Jensen had his arm around Jack and Jack looked scared, not to mention the bruise decorating his left eye. Bobby didn't know why this picture had been taken, and if there were others they were gone now, destroyed in the fire that was probably still raging. He had taken this one when he found it, and they hadn't questioned it, knowing it was for Jack. So that he would know._

_Bobby reached the photo out and Jack took it with trembling fingers. He stared down at the photo, his breath catching in his throat before looking up at Bobby again. _

_'I told you we'd take care of it' Bobby whispered. _

_Jack glanced around him at all of them before stydying the photo again. For hours they sat like that before Jack suddenly got up and walked downstairs, his brothers following him down. He stopped in front of the fireplace and lifted another log on the fire, watching it flame up again. Without saying anything he threw the photo in the fire and watched the flames lick at it. They all came to stand beside him, watching the photo slowly vanish into nothing. _

If only Jack's problems could vanish like that photo had, Angel mused staring down at his little brother. He stroked some of his hair back, letting his hand linger on his smooth face.

'Man that night was a circus I tell ya. When we got there, and after having done what needed to be done' Angel still believed, even though it had been years since that night, and even though now he knew a lot more about the world than he did back then, that they had done what needed to be done, what no one else could, and they had done it for Jack, for his sanity, and for the boy he had been who had been lost because of other peoples evil, they had done it for him because he deserved to have some kind of payback, even if he wasn't there himself to witness it 'well, no one had a lighter on us. Can you believe that? There we stood, gas all over the place and nothing to light it with? Man was Bobby mad...'

He looked down at Jack with a small smile.

'That was the first time we did the gas thing, and it all was about to go to hell because no one had light. I swear my ears was ringing for a year after that rant Bobby gave us, don't ask why he didn't bring one himself, I did and I got a slap up the head for it' He warned Jack, not caring about the fact that Jack was in no condition to question anything.

'Anyway Jerry found a box of matches and the rest is history as they say, at least until a little brat like Jackie Mercer decided to hand his oldest brother a half smoken cigarette when he was in the middle of his second rant about anyone not taking the time to grab a fucking lighter, do you remember Jackie' Angel laughed 'Man, I don't know if Bobby wanted to hug you or hit you... and of course, he being Bobby Mercer he managed to do both later. But the look on that guys face when Bobby started waving the cigarette around, man I thought he was going to shit his pants! He came up with that money rather quick after that...'

Angel stopped laughing as he looked into his little brothers empty eyes.

'You fit right in Jack. Right from the start you completed us. Not just because you smoked, against everyone's wishes I might add, not just because your cigarettes became the lighter that had been missing, but because you was what had been missing before. I...'

Angel's voice broke. His heart ached so much, he didn't know if he could take it, but he knew he had to. His brothers needed him to be strong. They had been for him, he could be for them. He really hoped he could.

_'What's wrong?'_

_Angel sat down next to Bobby on the steps leading out to the backyard. _

_'Jack' Bobby sighed._

_'What about him? I thought he was doing better now, he dosen't seem to dream as much anymore'_

_'He's to high to dream about anything else than rainbows and fucking ponies'_

_Angel was more shocked than he should have been. This was Detroit afterall, and drugs were everywhere. Of course Angel had smoked before, been high a lot of times. He knew that road well, and it was one he didn't want his little brother walking on. _

_'Found this in his room' _

_Bobby held out a bag of weed for Angel to see. Angel sighed and shook his head._

_'He out then?'_

_'Yeah. Was supposed to be home three hours ago. Little punk is probably sitting somewhere cursing me and looking at the fucking stars'_

_Angel studied his brothers face for a few was worried, and if Bobby was worried, then Angel was too. _

_'I'll wait with you' _

'We only wanted to take care of you...' Angel whispered.

**Thank you so much again for the reviews, it's been a long time since I've felt this inspired to write. It's an awesome feeling :) **


	5. Hurt

**Hey everyone, Shia Zen, I'll use that instead then :) I want to warn those reading that this chapter is probably going to be horrible. Not horrible as in my writing, at least I hope not? I'll let you be the judge of that, but as in it's going to deal with horrible things like child abuse, and probably rape. I know I've tip toed around it before, but in order to get a better understanding of Jack and his coming actions I think I need to describe some of what happened to him, at least what happened according to this story. I've never written anything like it before so I don't know how I'll manage it but we'll see. I also don't know far I'll go. I just wanted to warn you that it's not going to be fun. If I do it right it's going to be sad, tragic and full of angst. I'm going to try and do the best I can, but like I said, I'm new at writing this kind of stuff. I don't own four brothers.**

"_Jack... Jack come on boy, you know I'll find you anyway. Come out come out wherever you are..."_

_He was paralyzed with fear. He couldn't move. His head was telling him to run, run far away, but his body wouldn't listen. He tried to tell his legs to get up, but they didn't listen. Why didn't they work?_

"_Jack, your making me angry. You won't like that"._

"His heartbeat is speeding up" The doctor mumbled checking his monitor.

Angel and Jerry was once again on either side of Jack, holding his hands. Other than the sound from the machine that signaled his heartbeat there was nothing that showed that Jack was still alive. They had been talking to him for hours now, and he didn't respond. He had had episodes like this before, when he had just moved in with them, and some other times as he got older, but they had never lasted this long. Evelyn or Bobby had always managed to get through to him someway, but they couldn't help him now.

Jerry rubbed his hands over his eyes and tried to push away the horrible feeling of guilt that ate at him. This wasn't the time. But he couldn't help but feel that this, his Ma's death, Bobby being shot and Jack being trapped in his own mind, was his fault. If only he had agreed to Sweet's terms, if only he could have been happy with what he had, instead of reaching for the stars. He should have known that it was not to be. And now, now they were all paying the price.

"_You know I hate when I have to look for you Jack. Now what do you say?"_

"_I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."_

_Jack cried out when the belt hit his back hard. The agony was so intense, he fought back the urge to vomit, knowing it would only cause him more pain later._

"_I'm sorry Mr Jensen!"_

_Stupid. Stupid Jack. How could he forget that he always wanted to hear his name, to be spoken to with respect._

"_You know boy I'm starting to think that you like this, why else would you do everything you can to make me angry huh? I think you like a little pain don't you? Of course you do. Get up"_

_Jack took a deep breath and tried to get up on his knees, but the broken skin stretched against his back and he fell forward again, gasping in pain. A hard booth hit his stomach._

"_Can't you do anything right?"_

_This time he couldn't hold back the vomit._

"Here"

Jerry handed Angel a cup of coffee before taking a large gulp himself, feeling the hot liquid burn his tongue. He welcomed the pain.

Angel studied Jerry for a few seconds.

"It's not your fault Jer"

Jerry looked up at him, a bitter smile curving his lips.

"Isin't it?"

"_Jack, I promise this time it's going to be different, this is a good home"_

_Jack looked at Mr Roberts who was his social worker, but didn't say anything. Secretly he hoped he was right, he had to be right. They pulled up to an old house and Jack exited the car slowly, feeling a little excitement despite himself. Maybe this was it. Maybe this could be his home. Mr Roberts knocked on the door and it opened revealing an middle aged woman with brown hair and kind brown eyes. _

"_Well hello you must be Jack, I'm Sue, please come on in Mr Roberts, you too Jack"_

"_Hello" Jack's voice was a little unsure._

_He looked around and noted that the inside of the house looked as old as it did on the outside. Not that it mattered to him._

"_Oh silly me, Jack, this is my husband Rick"_

_Jack looked up and met the gaze of the man who had just entered._

"_Hi there. I'm Rick"_

_He held out his hand to shake and Jack took it, when he tried to take it back the man held on to it a little longer before letting go. _

"_Well then I must be off. Jack, I've left a note for you in your bag with my number. Call if you need anything. Sue, Rick" He nodded at them before closing the door behind him._

_Jack looked at the door for a few seconds before turning back around to find Mr Rhodes smiling at him._

"_I hope you'll like it here Jack"_

"I'm sorry Angel you know I have to do this"

"You don't have to do shit Green! I don't care what you say, if you think I'm going anywhere with you you are fucking wrong!"

"We can't leave Jack, or Bobby right now" Jerry added.

"Look I'm sorry, you know I care about both Bobby and Jack, but we need to talk, this is not going away"

"We know that Green, and we'll deal, without you" Angel spoke harshly.

"Look Green, I wanted you to deal with this, I did, I told my brothers to trust you, to trust the police but can you do it? Can we trust you?" Jerry was torn.

"Look it's not me you have to worry about..." Green trailed off. He knew the second he said those words that he had made a mistake.

"What? Who do we have to worry about then? Other than those we already know?" Angel was furious.

"I have, I have a dirty uniform to deal with" Green sighed, this wasn't easy for him.

Angel cursed and punched the wall in the waiting room. Jerry looked at Green like he was surprised. He was. He didn't know why.

"Who?" Jerry's voice was distant, cold.

"You know I can't tell you Jerry. Don't ask me to do that".

"Bullshit. You see that?" He pointed down the hall where Bobby and Jack's room was "That's my brothers. My brothers! They are in there, one riddled with bullets and the other one to fucking broken to talk, so don't tell me that you can't tell me who did that, don't tell me that you can't tell me why, because I don't fucking care! I trusted you, despite everything, I thought you could fix this, because I know you and I know your clean, I thought you could do this the legal way but I was wrong, so don't tell me that you can't do this for me, because I don't care" Jerry gasped and tried to force back the tears forming in his eyes. Angel's hand on the back of his neck was a comfort, and he tried to slow his breathing, but he couldn't and he turned around, coming to stand shoulder to shoulder with Angel, who was now facing Green.

"Fowler" Angel's voice was a statement, not a question.

Green shook his head and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. But I can't let you do this, Fowler's my problem, and I'll deal with him. I swear Angel, I will, and then we'll get Sweet. I want to be honest with you, I do, but you have to promise me that you'll let me deal with this"

No sound came from Angel or Jerry and Green shook his head. Stubborn bastards. His voice was gentle when he spoke, as if trying to lessen the words impact.

"Evelyn knew Jerry"

The only response he got was a slight straightening of his back.

"She knew about your problems, and she knew you, and she wasn't going to stand aside and watch your future get thrown out the window. She was going after Sweet, and she filed a police report, but it ended up in the wrong hands" He met Angel's eyes "I'm sorry, you know I am".

Jerry hung his head low. It was as he suspected. All this was bacause of him.

"We're not leaving" Angel stated.

"Angel" Green's voice was tired and worn, if anyone who didn't know him would have heard him speak they would have thought he was an old man.

"No. Our brothers need us now, and we're not leaving them, who knows if Sweet's guys is going to show up here too"

Green thought about that for a second and realized that they were right, and he wasn't stupid enough to ask if they wanted police protection. If he had anything but sadness inside him at the moment he would have laughed at the thought of offering the Mercer brothers police protection. He nodded and turned to leave but Jerry's voice stopped him.

"Green" He turned around and met Jerry's eyes "There is something you can do for us"

_Jack was laying in his bed trying to shake the feeling of unease that had settled over him since Mr Roberts had left. He had been fed, and Sue had told him that he could always come to her if there was something he wanted to ask. It all seemed good, so why was the jittering feeling in his body growing stronger by the second. He was so busy thinking that the knock on the door made him jump and gasp, he fought the urge to hide under the bed._

"_Hi there Jack, comfortable?"_

_Mr Rhodes. Jack let out a quiet sound of relief. _

"_Yes, thank you for the extra blanket sir" his voice was trembling slightly, he still wasn't sure of where he stood. _

"_Oh it's no problem, I want you to be comfortable here Jack, since you're going to live with us now, and please call me Rick, sir makes me feel old"_

_That made Jack feel better and he nodded. Maybe they weren't as strict here as that other house. He tried to push the thought of Mr Jensen to the back of his head. That's over now Jack, you don't have to go back there. You have another home now._ _The thought made him smile as he looked up at Rick._

"_My my, what a pretty smile you have Jack" _

_Jack's smile slipped a little. Something in Rick's tone sounded wrong, but he was still to young to understand why. _

"_I'm sure the rest of you is pretty too, am I right?"_

_Jack scooted further back on the bed, dragging the blanket with him as he went._

"_Now now Jack, don't be like that. I gave you that blanket, I can just as easy take it away"_

_Jack's scared eyes locked on Rick's face as he sat down on the bed close to him. _

"_Now let's see what you got under all those clothes alright" he took a hold of Jack's shirt but Jack slapped his hand away, an instict that hadn't yet died despite his time spent at Mr Jensens house. The hard slap on his cheek made him yelp and clutch the blanket harder. _

"_Don't do that" Rick's voice was hard_

"_S S Sue" Jack stuttered out._

"_Is fast asleep. A bottle of vodka will do that to you. Your to young to know that yet, but that's okay. I like young ones"._

_The night that followed was the most horrible and humiliating yet in Jack's young life, and had he known that it was going to get a lot worse before it got better he would have dug that razor deeper in his arms the morning after when Rick left for work. _

Convincing the doctor that Jack and Bobby needed to stay in the same room wasn't easy, as most of the hospital staff had had just about enough of the Mercer brothers to last them a lifetime, and they probably couldn't have done it without Green. Angel was grumbling that he could sweet talk a nun into doing his bidding, and Jerry wasn't about to contradict him, afraid that he would try just to prove a point. As it was Green came through for them and Bobby and Jack now shared a room, which made them all feel a little better. It had felt to strange to have them in separate rooms, and this way they could protect them better if Sweet's goons were to come by. Then there was the weapons. They couldn't split up to get a gun and bring it here, and they also couldn't risk getting caught with one. They had a feeling the hospital would not accept that.

"Jer, while I was getting the sandwitches I thought of something. We have to have something to protect us with"

"I thought the same thing"

"Good"

Angel lifted his arm a little to show Jerry the skalpel hidden in his sleeve. Jerry nodded and seemed to hesitate before drawing an object a little bit out of his pocket. Angel leaned forward to squint at the lable. His eyes snapped up to Jerry's, his eyebrows high on his forehead.

"Hairspray?"

"Shut up man, I was in the toilet and some woman had left her bag there and..."

"What the fuck were you doing in the lady's room Jerry? And hairspray" he shook his head "you realize that Bobby is never going to let you live this one down" He laughed and it got stuck in his throat as he rested his eyes on Bobby " if he..." he trailed off and looked at the wall and waited for the hole in his chest to stop aching.

"When he wakes up he's going to tell me what an idiot I am, and ask what the fuck I was going to use the hairspray for, threaten to fix their hair?"

Angel looked back at Jerry, a grateful look in his eyes. They were quiet for a while before Angel spoke.

"You think we should have taken him home?" His eyes was on Jack's still form.

"No. We couldn't have left Bobby here, and Sweet is probably targeting the house. We're safer here, together".

Angel nodded, he knew Jerry was right.

"That was good of Green though, coming through for us, and letting us stay here"

"Yeah well, I think you telling him that we were going nowhere, and if he didn't like it he could shove his fucking thoughts up his fucking ass and get the hell out of here, convinced him" Jerry laughed a little. But soon stopped. It felt wrong.

"Good for him that he listened though" Angel let a small grin escape.

They were quiet again as they watched for any sign of life from their brothers.

"What about Fowler?" Angel spoke again.

"I don't know man" Jerry sighed "We can't do anything right now, might as well let Green do his thing for now"

Angel agreed since they had no other choice at the moment. A few hours later the news that Officer Green had been shot to death by two unidentified suspects reached them.

_A hard punch made Jack land on the floor, a kick to his ribs made him gasp, and if he had any energy left he would have cried out. Laying down on the floor he could feel Rick yank his pants down before the now familiar sound of his zipper being lowered reached him. He didn't say anything as he grabbed a hold of Jack's hips and positioned himself behind him. One hard push later and he was inside him, grunting as he continued to force himself in and out. Jack tried to stifle his sobs, knowing that if he cried it would only be more painful, and sometimes Rick seemed to like his tears, and then once wouldn't be enough. _

"We have to do something"

Angel was restless. Ever since Green had been killed he had been waiting for someone, anyone, to try and storm their hospital room. An hour ago he had almost hit the doctor as he came by to check on Jack and Bobby.

"I know, I know"

Jerry rested his head in his hands. There was only one thing more left to do, they were all to vulnerable like this. They couldn't do much about Bobby right now but...

"We have to find a way to bring Jack back, we have to try harder"

Angel turned around to meet his eyes.

_Jack had decided. He was going to talk to Sue. Rick was at work, so he couldn't overhear. She said I could talk to her, she said that, Jack told himself as he walked into the livingroom. His eyes caught sight of the glass on the table before Sue where she sat in the couch, the liquid was clear, and he knew it wasn't water. He had noticed that she seemed to drink a lot more now than before. Maybe she's feeling bad too, he told himself. _

_It didn't go as Jack had planned. Sue threw the glass at him and called him a liar. Said that he was just some stupid ungrateful kid that was to fucked up to understand what family means. At least it got him out of there, because Sue called Mr Roberts and told him that she didn't want an ungrateful little shit like him living there. The note with Mr Roberts number that Jack had been looking so hard for had been in Sue's bag all the time he realized. He was in a group home before Rick was back from work and Jack had learned some valuable lessons. Always, always look through the bags, and never, ever trust anyone._

"Jackie, Jack... Please man. You've been gone a long time now, and we're worried. More than that. Shit is going on and... we need you man" Jerry's voice trailed off.

"I know you bro, and I know your past. And I know that's where you at right now, and I know you don't want to be there, and rememeber what Ma always said, the more you try to close it off the more stuck you get, so come back here, you know we'll take care of ya" Angel tried to keep his voice steady, but failed.

_A year later Jack was still in the group home. It wasn't much better, but at least no one was touching him here, he'd rather take the punches the other kids, and sometimes social workers doled out. He could have continued like that if Mr Roberts hadn't found another family. But he did, and Jack once again found himself standing on the porch of another house. He listened as Mr Roberts said that this was great, a good family. He just had to try and be a little more social and everything would work out great. _

_As he once again saw Mr Roberts leave he barely had time to turn around before he was yanked forward and dragged into a bedroom. He froze at the sight of the bed, but that wasn't their destination he realized when he was thrown inside a closet with no light, hearing the lock click behind him. He sat there alone, without food or water for 2 days that first time. He had been forced to use the corner of the closet as a toilet when he couldn't hold it in anymore, and the smell was awful. But not as awful as being denied food. _

_For those lonely scary days he wondered why they had even wanted him. At the end of the second day he got his answer when the door opened and the man that had greeted him at the door when he first came dragged him out. Weak from hunger and thirst Jack didn't have any strenght to even try to fight, and his mind was on some kind of lockdown from being left alone in the dark for so long. So when the man stepped aside to reveal another man he hadn't seen before he barely reacted. Not even when the new man paid his new fosterparent did he react. He did react when the man threw him down on the floor though. He got two black eyes for it and what he suspected was a broken rib. It didn't do him any good though as he was to weak to fight and the man had the advantage of being older and larger, Jack was afterall still just a boy, a weak one at that. The unknown man left him bleeding on the floor with his pants around his ankles. When his fosterparent came to throw him back in the closet he still lay in that same position._

_Hearing the lock click behind him he curled up on the floor. He had gotten the answer to his question. He knew now why he was here. Turns out that some people will do just about anything for a little extra money. Even take in an already broken fosterchild. _

_Jack lived in that closet for a year before the police stormed the house with a warrant. They wasn't looking for him no, they had gotten a tip that there were drugs being sold there and it was, it was not the only thing being sold though. Jack didn't say anything at the time, he didn't have to. The marks on his body and a guy busy trying to tear his clothes off tipped them off. Jack knew better than to talk, especially since he saw one of the guys who had used to come around often for awhile to use him. Only this time he was in a uniform. His cold glare told Jack that it was best to keep quiet, but he needn't have bothered. Jack had learned that lesson already. _

_The next year was in some ways a blur in Jack's mind. Probably because that in some of the fosterhomes they had given him drugs to keep him weak and out of it, leaving them to do as they wished with him. He spent some time in group homes, got beat up a lot, and learned another valuable lesson. Never look someone in the eye. That alone could piss people off. _

_He ran away after a particular hard beating he had gotten from an older boy and he lived on the streets for two months before they found him again. He had managed to survive, doing the only thing he knew, which was selling himself. He had never done it of his own will before, and he guessed they couldn't call it that now either, as he didn't want to, but he was hungry, and needed money. _

_Mr Roberts managed to find him again though. Jack didn't know what to think of him, persistent as he was he didn't seem to have much for brains. Not that it mattered, his word was law. _

_This time when Mr Roberts assured him that this was it, that this was going to be his family and that it was going to be all sunshine from now on he didn't bother to answer. And he wasn't surprised when it turned out that the husband liked kids and that his wife liked to watch. He did cry when they burned him with cigarettes though. Oddly enough it was the mailman that found him after a night of being raped, beaten and course, maybe they shouldn't have left him out on the lawn. That was possibly the worst night of Jack's life, and later when he sometimes thought of it he wondered if all that pain that night hadn't been worth it, since it was what led him to Evelyn. _

"Do you remember his first night?" Angel almost whispered out the words.

"Of course I do man" Jerry's voice was sad.

"I still remember his screams"

Jerry looked over at Angel, then down at Jack.

"I do too"

"_Jack this is Bobby, Angel and Jerry, they are my sons and like I said they live here too"_

_Jack didn't move an inch from the doorway. He looked terrified as he gazed at the three older boys. Bobby took a step forward but stopped when Jack flinched and ducked his head. He held out his hands to show that he didn't mean any harm, but Jack didn't move. After studying Jack for a few seconds Evelyn told the boys to watch a movie while she showed Jack his room. They didn't see him anymore that day, not until they all woke up to the most horrifying scream they had ever heard. Running to Jack's room they found that Evelyn was already there, trying to wake him up. She told them later that she had expected something like that to happen, and therefore had never gone to bed. _

_When Jack woke he flung himself into the wall behind him so hard that they swore they heard a crack. He didn't calm down, Evelyn had to tell them to go to bed since Jack was getting more worried with them there. No one slept that night._

"That was not a good night"

"No. It wasn't" Angel agreed.

Neither one of them noticed Jack's hand clench.

_Turns out that love can actually conquer all, but only if you stick around long enough..._

_Jack sat on the roof outside his window. He was 14 now and his last name was Mercer. Evelyn had adopted him a few years back. Jack's hand shook as he lit his cigarette. He didn't want to think about Evelyn now, he didn't want to think at all. As a tear trailed down his cheek he wiped it away slowly. The ache in his chest was worse now. Bobby had known something was wrong and tried to get him talk when he picked him up from school, but he couldn't say anything, and when Bobby had left for an errand Jack had left for his own. And now here he was, smoking and wondering if he really had been such a bad kid to never deserve a break. Of course Jack knew the answer to that. He had been told he was worthless to many times to not believe it. But things had been going good now, he had his brothers and he had Evelyn. But even so he couldn't explain what he felt. No he couldn't take it. The feeling of despair was creeping over him again, as it had many times before, but this was different, this time he could feel it swallowing him whole. He hurt all over, and he was so tired. So tired of the pain. Tired of the nightmares that never stopped. _

"_Jack, if your out on that roof smoking again so help me..." _

_Bobby stuck his head out the window._

"_Don't"_

_Bobby seemed to know something was wrong before Jack had gotten the word out, because suddenly he was standing on his knees on the roof too. Maybe he heard the tears in his voice, maybe he was pissed that Jack was smoking, or maybe he had caught sight of the gun laying in Jack's lap. _

"_Jack"_

_Bobby's voice was steady but Jack could see his hands trembling as he reached out for him, only to have Jack scoot further away._

"_Jack. Give me the gun"_

_Jack knew what Bobby was doing. He spoke with a firm voice, because he knew that Jack responded to that. It was probably a sign from his abuse Jack figured. It was something Bobby had at times used to his advantage to stop Jack from doing what he called stupid shit. Not this time though, it wasn't going to work now._

"_Please go back inside Bobby" he whispered. _

"_Talk to me Jack, what's happened? Someone do anything to you? You know you only have to tell me and I'll take care of it, you know I will" Bobby's voice was a little higher towards the end, showing his nerves and his panic that he had managed to hide so far. _

"_The fuck you doing out here you..." _

_Angel stopped and took in the sight before him in silence. Jack and Bobby was on their knees on the roof, Jack's face was covered in fresh tears and he was shaking slightly. Bobby looked calm, if you didn't know him as well as Angel did, to him he looked ready to spring, he was so tightly coiled. Then he saw the gun in Jack's lap and he knew. _

"_Jack..." Angel whispered not moving, afraid of making one wrong move._

"_Angel go get Ma" Bobby's voice was firm. _

"_She went to the store" _

_Angel tried to swallow the lump in his throat, his voice was still a whisper. He saw Bobby's shoulders slump slightly but he never took his eyes off Jack. Just then Jerry came to stand beside Angel. He had been so caught up he never even heard him. Jerry didn't say anything as he took in the same sight Angel had. _

"_Please" Jack's voice was hoarse "Just leave"_

_Bobby shook his head sadly._

"_That's not how this works Jack. Tell me what's wrong, I'm right here, you can trust me"_

"_Never, ever trust anyone" Jack repeated to himself._

"_You know that's not true Jack. I remember the first time you told me you trusted me, do you remember?"_

_Jack nodded. He did. _

"_You told me that you knew you could trust me, and you were right. I have never let you down have I?"_

_Jack shook his head. He hadn't._

"_Talk to me then"_

_It was quiet for several moments before Jack spoke, wondering how he was going to explain this feeling of despair, the darkness that seemed to be everywhere._

"_It's just to much" He whispered "I know I was never a good boy but I thought, when I came here, you guys were so good, and Ma" he stopped himself, as if calling her Ma hurt to much right now "but it wont leave me alone, and I know now it never will"_

_His hand tightened on the gun but he didn't lift it. Bobby glanced down at it. _

"_Is it loaded Jack?"_

"_Hard to end it all otherwise" Jack's voice was shaking._

"_We can help you Jack, we've all been where you are, none of us came from a loving family you know that, we know how it feels, maybe we haven't seen everything you have, and maybe we don't quite get it, but we know"_

"_You can't help me. It's way to late for that"_

"_We helped you before, you remember Jack, I know you do. Is it anything like that again?"_

"_No" Jack shook his head, the wind tussling his hair, making him look even younger than he was "it's just to hard, all of it, the dreams, the memories... it's to much, and I don't want it anymore, I don't want to be me anymore. I hate me"_

_Angel and Jerry would nevert admit it to anyone, and they didn't mention it to each other. But the whole time Bobby and Jack were talking, their hands were tightly clasped around each other. _

"_We love you Jack, we all do, me , Angel, Jerry and Ma" _

_Bobby's heart was pounding, the words straight from his heart, he had never been more honest than he was right now._

"_Don't say that!" Jack sobbed, his tears running faster, his voice hoarse and his blue eyes full of pain._

"_Why not Jackie? It's the truth" Bobby struggled to stay calm, he felt like he was about to snap, but that was not the way to handle Jack, especially not right now "you're my brother, I love you"_

_Jack stood up and Bobby did too, Angel and Jerry sucked in a breath. One bad step..._

_Jack threw his cigarette down and swayed slightly, the words ringing in his ears mixing with all those other words. Worthless. Weak. Unlovable. Liar. Stupid. Whore. Their voices was melting together in his mind, one was louder than the others and he heard the words as clear as he did that day... 'you like that huh? Of course you do, you're nothing but a whore, that's why your so good at sucking cock boy, you were born for it' the laughter rang in his ears and he grabbed his head as if he could stop it if he just pressed hard enough. _

"_Your not! Why do you even care about me? I'm not your brother, I'm just some stupid whore that turned up on your doorstep!" Jack yelled and choked back a sob. _

_Bobby growled. His hands were so tightly clasped into fists that his nails were tearing the skin, but he didn't feel it._

"_Look at me Jack"_

_Jack looked at stars in the sky, it almost seemed like they were mocking him with their light. He let out a scream, a scream full of frustration, sadness and longing. _

"_Look at me Jack! Look at me!"_

_Jack met Bobby's eyes, tears streaming down his face, his eyes reflecting all the pain, all the hurt he had inside of him. _

"_Look me in the eye and tell me you're not my brother. Tell me I don't love you, that you don't love me, that you don't give a damn about anyone of us, can you do that Jack?"_

_He couldn't. He stood staring into Bobby's eyes, and in them he saw pain, and caring, and love. And tears. Bobby was crying. Bobby never cried. He let out a sob and took a step towards Bobby. _

"_I just want it to end" _

_His voice was so lost, so broken, that Bobby's heart clenched painfully. _

"_I know Jackie, but you have to be strong okay? I know you can be, and you have us by your side. Give me the gun Jack" _

_Jack hesitated but then slowly reached a trembling hand forward and Bobby gently grasped the gun, put the safety on and bent down to slide the gun to Angel and Jerry still leaning out of Jack's window. Angel caught it and he and Jerry exchanged a look of relief. _

_Bobby wrapped Jack up in a hug and Jack started sobbing harder._

"_I'm sorry Bobby, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it"_

"_Don't say sorry Jack, talk to me, you have to tell me when it gets to much, otherwise I can't help you, you have to tell me"_

_Bobby hugged him harder, the relief coursing through him._

"_Don't scare me like that again, I thought my fucking heart was going to stop. Come on kid, let's get inside, take it easy, long way down too"_

_He steadied Jack when he stumbled as they made their way to the window. Jack looked up at him._

"_You wouldn't let me fall"_

_Bobby's heart suddenly felt to big for his chest._

"_No, I wouldn't" _

_As he helped Jack through the window he added "might drop you on your head though to knock some fucking sense into you"_

"Bobby?"

Angel and Jerry's head whipped around to stare at Jack.

**Well, it was really hard to write about some of what happened to Jack. I might go back and visit that time in his life in another flashback, I don't know yet. I think it's realistic to think that Jack's problems didn't vanish just because Evelyn found him, and that's why I decided to make his break down, and suicide attempt a few years after, when it just got to be to much. I really hope you like this chapter, if you feel disgusted and sad after reading it then I think I did it justice, and please let me know what you think. I want to add that we all know that horrible things happen everyday, and I think we should take the time to reflect on how we can help and make a difference for those who need it, no matter what their situation is. And if you are feeling depressed and having dark thoughts please, find help. You deserve to be happy, and it gets better. Thank you so much for reading.**


	6. Hate

**I think I've gone crazy lately with all these ideas for flashbacks lol. It looks like there's going to be at least one every chapter the way my mind is spinning with possibilities right now, I hope you don't get tired of them! This chapter has taken some time to write for two reasons. One is because I had a lot to do at school, can hardly wait for christmas break, and the other reason is that I was unsure of how to proceed with Jack. The only time we really got to see him angry and pissed, other than the deleted scene where he is teased by Bobby, is when well you know, right before the scene "who shall not be mentioned" is. Seems like he has a bad temper when someone insults his family and when someone makes a move against him. I'll work with that. Hope you like it and thanks for your support. **

"Bobby? Where is...?"

Jack turned his head to the side and his eyes locked on the still form of Bobby, laying in a hospital bed next to him. Angel and Jerry was by his side then, Jerry gripping his hand hard and Angel turning his head back so their eyes met.

"Jack look at me"

Jack blinked, his eyes locked on Angel's, surprised by the tone of his voice.

"You need to be calm okay. You have to stay calm, otherwise you might have another panick attack. Remember that, no matter what I tell you now okay?"

Jack nodded, to stunned to say anything.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Flashes of red raced behind his eyes. Pain. Snow. Red snow. Blood. His blood. Bobby's blood. Bobby. He tried turning his head to look at Bobby but Angel's hand kept his head still. He felt his breathing speed up and his hands clenched.

"Jack look at me"

He obeyed, the strength in Angel's voice overriding the voices in his head screaming at him.

"You need to calm down. Listen to me. Do you trust me?"

Jack nodded shakily and tried to force his hands to unclench.

"Breathe"

Jack did, trying to steady his breathing and slow it down, the way Bobby and Evelyn had taught him. When Angel was satisfied he relaxed his grip on Jack's head but still held on to him so he couldn't shift his gaze from his eyes.

"You need to listen carefully okay. Do you remember?"

Jack nodded, tears filling his eyes.

"Good. I know your scared Jack but try to stay calm and I will tell you everything, but you need to stay calm, can you do that for me?"

Jack nodded again.

"You were shot in the shoulder. Bobby is shot and he's in a coma" A gasp escaped Jack and the tears escaped leaving a wet trail down his pale cheeks.

"But he's still alive Jack and he needs you, we need you, I want you to close your eyes now and focus on breathing"

Jack did as he said, trusting Angel to know what was best. This continued for a couple of minutes before Jack opened his eyes again.

"You calm?"

Jack nodded and tried to sit up. Angel and Jerry saw what he was trying to do and hurried to help him. When he was sitting up he slowly turned his head to look at Bobby. Angel and Jerry watched carefully, searching for any sign that he was going to break down again. For a long time he just stared at Bobby, weeping silently. The tears continued to run, but no sound came from his lips. He tried to move his legs off the side of the bed so he could stand up, Jerry held on to him when he swayed, his legs felt weak. He took the short steps forward until he was next to Bobby's bed, then he dropped to his knees on the floor, leaning his forhead against the side of Bobby's still arm, and didn't move, the tears continuing to run silently, the pain in his heart almost to much to take. He felt his soul, whose very presence he had doubted existed so many times before, scream in anguish. He felt it now, like he never had before. He felt his brothers presence at his back and they sat like that for a long time.

"_I hope he dosen't get pissed we didn't call first" Jerry murmured as they made their way to the bar. They were in a club in New York where Jack's band was scheduled to play tonight. They hadn't told him they were coming. Of course that was Bobby's idea. _

"_Why would he? We just want to see our little brother spread his fairy wings and fly, he can't get mad about that" _

_Trust Bobby to break it down so gently. _

"_Yeah this will be awesome, I can't tell you how long it's been since I've seen pepole who isin't wearing weapons" Angel ogled a woman walking by wearing a short skirt. _

"_Don't you mean scantily clad women looking to flaunt themselves?"_

"_Scantily clad women... Well sorry grandma if I made you feel uncomfortable" Angel mocked Jerry._

"_Can you two shut up for a second and order me a fucking beer while I look for Jack or what?" Bobby snapped. _

_A beer was suddenly placed before him by the bartender who winked at him. The bartender was a middle aged man with an apron that said 'why would you want to kiss a chef when there's bartenders?' Bobby reared back but the bartender didn't even notice, having already moved on and was serving some other people. Looking over at Angel and Jerry he saw that they were laughing at him while nursing their own beer._

"_Shut up" He snapped._

_The light changed and all eyes turned to the scene where they spotted Jack standing in the center, his band around him. All lights dimmed except for those directed towards the stage, and you could almost taste the excitement in the air._

"_Good evening"_

_Jack's voice was his usual deep husky sound and the women in front of the stage went crazy. Angel laughed and clapped his hands like a mad man when he caught sight of the women cheering for his baby brother. They moved forward to see better and ended up rather close to the scene but off to the side. As they watched Jack sang and played, the crowd cheering and singing with. When two girls behind them said that they were sure that Jack could do even better things with his mouth than sing all the brothers grinned and shot a look behind them at the giggling girls._

"_Alright one last song for tonight"_

_Jack's words were met with a chorus of 'No', but he just shook his head and explained that there were other bands that waited for their turn, smiling all the time. His brothers stared at him, wondering where this sudden confidence had come from, they had never seen Jack look so free. _

"_Alright then, I wrote this while thinking of my family, so this one's for them._

_Bobby, Jerry and Angel all tensed._

_Jack closed his eyes and lifted his guitar high in the air before bringing it down slowly and immediatley started playing, the sound as thrilling as it was sad. He turned his head to the side and opened his eyes, finding his brothers. He had felt their eyes on him. _

_**If God had a name, what would it be**_

_**And would you call it to his face  
>If you were faced with him in all his glory<br>What would you ask if you had just one question  
><strong>_

_Jack's voice was hoarse and deep, his sweaty hair falling down close to his eyes. His blue eyes was locked on his brothers who stood off to the side staring at him. He closed his eyes._

_**And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good  
>yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah<strong>_

_He opened his eyes to stare out at the crowd, his body moving with the music, swaying slightly. _

_**What if God was one of us  
>Just a slob like one of us<br>Just a stranger on the bus  
>Trying to make his way home <strong>_

_He glanced at his brothers again. _

_**If God had a face what would it look like  
>And would you want to see<br>If seeing meant that you would have to believe  
>In things like heaven and in jesus and the saints and all the prophets<strong>_

_**And yeah yeah god is great yeah yeah god is good  
>yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah<strong>_

_**What if God was one of us  
>Just a slob like one of us<br>Just a stranger on the bus  
>Trying to make his way home<br>He's trying to make his way home  
>Back up to heaven all alone<br>Nobody calling on the phone  
>Except for the pope maybe in rome<strong>_

_His body moved on the stage, he leaned down over his guitar and up again, blue eyes dimmed and in another world. _

_**And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good  
>yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah<strong>_

_**What if god was one of us  
>Just a slob like one of us<br>Just a stranger on the bus  
>Trying to make his way home<br>Just trying to make his way home  
>Like a holy rolling stone<br>Back up to heaven all alone  
>Just trying to make his way home<br>Nobody calling on the phone  
>Except for the pope maybe in rome<strong>_

_His voice was a mixture of anguish and longing. The voice of someone who had only wanted a home, the home he longed for now, to not be alone. For so long he had been trying to make his way home. _

_As he whispered out the last lyrics the crowd was silent at first before going wild. They cheered and screamed, and looking over at his brothers he saw that they were clapping wildly and whistling. He smiled at them, a genuine happy smile and they had never been more proud than they were right then. _

Jack sat on the floor, his head still pressed against Bobby.

"_Keep your arms up, protect your face"_

_Jack groaned._

"_I'm trying Bobby"_

"_Well try harder! The punks you meet on the street is not going to go easy on ya you know"_

He let out a sob.

"_Don't worry Ma, I'll take care of Jackie"_

_Bobby ruffled his hair and he glanced up at him, a look of worship in his blue eyes._

It wasn't fair. He never got to keep anything. Everything was taken from him.

"_Bobby please"_

"_No Jack, this is no joke. I'm going to show this guy what it means to fuck with a Mercer"_

"_But..."_

"_No fucking buts, you better tell me where he is right now"_

_Jack was silent but Johnny G was approaching Bobby and Jack tensed. Shit._

"_Bobby"_

"_Johnny G"_

"_Looking for Dan?"_

_Bobby leaned against the bar and Johnny did the same while Jack remained seated on one of the tall chairs along the bar. _

"_How did you know?"_

_Johnny G glanced at Jack and obviously decided that it was better to side with Bobby on this one. _

"_Threw him out yesterday after he was messing with Jack here, I told him to get the fuck out. Phone was dead yesterday so I couldn't call ya, but I was on my way to give ya a ring just now when I saw that shithead sniffing around again. I didn't kick him out since I figured you wanted to have a chat with him"_

"_You thought right Johnny. Thanks man, I owe ya"_

_Bobby's grin was was unpleasant to say the least._

"_No worries, he's out back taking a smoke"_

_Bobby's grin spread and Jack shivered._

"_Johnny can you keep an eye on Jack, and give him something to drink. Like a coke" He added when Jack's eyes lit up._

"_Sorry fairy, maybe if you'd have told me about this yourself instead of word getting around I would have bought you a beer, now you'll have to make do"_

_Jack sighed and fixed Bobby with a pleading look._

"_That's not going to work Jackie. Here hold this" he handed Jack his jacket "stay here til I get back, don't move an inch"_

"_Bobby, I'm 17, not a kid!"_

"_Shut up Jack"_

_Bobby exchanged a look with Johnny and then went out the backdoor. Jack was thinking about following when Johnny set a glass of coke in front of him._

"_Not a good idea kid"_

"Why did you have to save me?" Jack whispered.

_Jack sat alone in his room crying. He heard the door open and felt Bobby sit down next to him. He reached around and pulled Jack against him, hugging him while Jack cried into his shirt. _

"_Bad first day at school?"_

_Jack cried harder, clutching Bobby's shirt in his hands._

"_Don't worry Jackie, I'll take care of it". _

Jack had stopped crying and was just leaning his head against Bobby now. He didn't have anymore tears left, he had cried so much and what did it help. It hadn't done him any good. He had cried for Evelyn, the sweetest woman he had ever known, but she was still gone. Dead and buried. He had cried for Bobby, but he already knew it wasn't going to make a difference, it never had before. Life was cruel, that was just the way it was. For a long time that was all there was, but things had changed and he had changed along with them, he had a family that loved him, and a place to call home. For a brief second he wondered how their house looked like now, last time he saw bullets were flying everywhere. He tried to push that thought of of his head. Instead he looked down at his oldest brother and wondered how things went to hell so fast.

Across town Johnny G had just received word that Bobby and Jack Mercer had been shot and that Bobby was in critical condition. Filling up a shot he downed it before filling it again and doing the same. If he had heard right, and he usually did, Bobby had been shot while protecting Jack with his own body. It didn't surprise Johnny. He knew everyone of the Mercer brothers well, since this was their favorite bar to hang out at. He knew how protective they were of each other, and he had witnessed many fights, usually between Bobby and someone else, but the other brothers had been involved in more than a few too, sometimes all of them had been involved. That usually meant someone called the cops and that bottles flew, and people, along them the Mercer brothers were taken away in cuffs. He sighed, shaking his head. Bobby had always been protective of his family, but anyone could see that he was even more so with Jack. While Johnny poured himself another shot he remembered a night a few years back...

_Jack had been at the bar alone, something that didn't happen to often and he'd ended up in a fight with another guy there. Jack had won and broken the other guy's nose before Bobby arrived to pick him up, curtsey of a call from Johnny. Bobby took one look at his brother and the guy on the floor before slapping Jack on the back and telling him to finish his beer as they were going home, congratulating him on a punch well thrown. The guy on the ground groaned, and Bobby glared at him before telling him to shut the fuck up before he finished what his brother started. Then they were off and the guy with the broken nose had joined his friend at the bar, pressing napkins to his nose._

"_Fucking prick" his friend muttered._

_The injured guy nodded, making the blood drip on his shirt even more._

"_Should jump him when we get the chance"_

_Johnny decided that a friendly warning was in it's place, even if it wasn't necessarily friendly, or well meaning. _

"_That be stupid"_

"_What do you know of it?" The uninjured one sneered "Besides, I didn't mean the older dude, I meant the kid, or maybe both"_

_Johnny thought he sounded surprisingly cocky since he had just watched his friend get the shit beaten out of him, and for a second wondered if he should let them sign their own death warrants. Though he knew that the cops were just waiting for a chance to put Bobby in the slammer and figured he owed him enough to try and make life a little easier for him. _

"_That would be a big mistake boys"_

_He continued stacking up glasses while they watched him._

"_And why's that?" The cocky one asked._

"_See that chair over there? The one with the rag in front of it?"_

_Johnny gestured down the bar and the two guys looked._

"_Yeah what of it?"_

"_Used to be Dan's favorite spot"_

"_Who the fuck is Dan?" _

"_Exactly" Johnny's tone was cold._

_The guys exchanged a look with each other and leaned forward a little. Johnny looked up and shifted his glance between them. He saw that the cocky one was a little unsure now, the other one had finally managed to stop the bleeding and his eyes were wide. _

"_You mean that he" he lowered his tone, as if Bobby would somehow hear him "killed him?"_

_Johnny didn't answer._

"_Come on man tell us, what happened to that Dan guy? Did they have anything to do with it?" He gestured to the door where Bobby and Jack had exited._

_Johnny stopped what he was doing and looked at them shrugging._

"_Few things are certain in life, but there are some things that are. That is one of those things"_

"_What do ya mean? What is one of those certain things?"_

_Johnny's old eyes turned sharp and he pinned them with a serious look. _

"_Mess with Bobby Mercer and your fucked. Mess with Jack Mercer, well then your screwed"_

"This one's for you Bobby" Johnny downed his shot.

Jack was still and for once his mind was quiet. Looking down at his brother he was struck by how vulnerable he looked. That was a word he was certain no one had connected with Bobby Mercer before. It didn't fit him. He had always been so strong, had always protected him... Jack carefully traced the bandage covering Bobby's chest with trembling fingers. For the first time since the shooting he thought about Sweet. He had sent his goons to kill them, and he had almost succeeded. Would he come here to finish what he started? Jack looked up at Bobby's still face and felt rage settle over him. This was his family. The only one he had ever had. Evelyn was gone, nothing could change that. She would never smile at him again or stroke his hair. Bobby was in a coma for protecting him. Jack tried to swallow the bile rising in his throat. He gripped Bobby's hand, memories shifting behind his eyes. He felt so very, very cold. His hand trembled and he gripped Bobby's tighter, holding onto it like a drowning would a lifeline. Something was racing in his blood and it took a few seconds for him to realize that it was hatred. It was burning him with it's intensity. This was his brother. Jack's mind clouded over, he tried to take a deep breath but it didn't help. He couldn't feel anything other than that fire in his veins, his blood boiling. He stood up, legs protesting and shoulder hurting but he leaned over Bobby, resting his forhead against his brothers and closed his eyes.

"I'll make you proud"

**I think I have to stop talking so much about how and what the chapter is going to be about since it never turn out that way anyway lol. If you want I really think you should listen to the song Jack is singing in the flashback to get the right feeling, it's "One of us" with Joan Osborne. **


	7. Deciding

**I have to admit I'm pretty nervous about this chapter. I feel like I don't have any ground to stand on while I try to portray Jack, as he is going to be different now, in a way that we never got to see in the movie. He's still Jack, but maybe more determined? More angry and desperate? Bobby's warming the bench on this one, who will lead the team? And what will Angel and Jerry say? Jack is their little brother too afterall.. Are they okay with his plans for revenge? Because let me tell you, he wants revenge. Badly. I this story goes the way I want it to, then a darker Jack was standing by Bobby's bed last chapter. Well then, shall we? As usual I don't own four brothers, but oh how I wish I did... **

As Jack turned he met his brothers eyes silently.

Jerry almost flinched at the dark look in his little brothers eyes. He felt Angel tense beside him and he knew that whatever Jack was thinking, it wasn't good.

"Jack..." Jerry trailed off

"He's not getting away with this"

They all knew who Jack was talking about. The words hung in the air as each of them took in their meaning. The look in Jack's eyes worried Angel. It was a look he had seen too often during his time in the army. The look of someone to lost in the dark thoughts of revenge. He had seen people rush out of their hiding spots when their comrades had been killed, and the look in their eyes had shaken him then and it scared him now. Because he knew the end to those stories. He was shaking his head before his thoughts had come to an end. He saw Jack shift his eyes to focus on him, and he looked into those eyes who used to be blue, weren't they now? No, they seemed darker somehow.

"You want this too Angel. I know you do"

He couldn't argue with that, but the certanity in his brothers voice scared him, made the doubts creep along his spine. But above that a voice in his head, or was it his heart? Told him what he already knew. That Bobby would have wanted revenge, but not at the cost of Jack. Not at the cost of Jack's life, and not at the cost of his soul. He never would have wanted his brothers to put themselves in harms way for him, this much Angel knew. But he also knew that he would anyway, because this was his family too. But Jack, he wasn't prepared to let Jack take part in what was going to happen, what _had _to happen. He had thought that Jack could stay at the hospital and watch over Bobby while he and Jerry dealt with this, but it seemed his little brother had other plans. He glanced away from Jack's eyes to focus on his oldest brother in the hospital bed. Bobby had spent a lot of time making sure that Jack never had to do the things they had done. Of course he had been along for most of the rides, but Bobby had been unflappable in his belief that Jack shouldn't ever have to know the darkness that came when you had taken a life. And Angel agreed. Like Bobby had said one night a few years ago, _kid's seen to much shit already. _And he had. Which was why Angel agreed, and had promised his oldest brother that he would do anything to protect Jack, from everything. And he had promised himself. Because when he looked into those scared blue eyes he knew he would do anything to keep him safe, and he knew Jerry felt the same.

"Bobby wouldn't have wanted this"

He shifted his eyes from Bobby to look into Jack's eyes.

"He wouldn't want you to put yourself in danger"

"I'm already in danger, we all are. You know that"

Angel swore softly to himself and broke the staredown with his little brother and faced the wall. He had been expecting Jack to get angry, not this calm statement of facts. It was unsettling, this quiet calm that couldn't hide the fire in his eyes.

"Jack think about this, what are we gonna do?"

Jerry tried to reason with him but he already knew it was a lost cause, the stubborn tilt of his brothers face was all to familiar.

"We can't just sit here and wait for him to kill us!"

"Don't give me that Jack, don't think your fooling us" He sighed when Jack turned his head away "I know you want revenge, I can see it in your eyes, and if you don't think about this your going to get yourself killed, is that what you want?"

The silence that followed said more than words ever could. Jerry tried to calm himself, yelling would get him no where with Jack. His eyes teared up and he took the few steps seperating him from his youngest brother and put his hand on his neck. Jack looked at him.

"It's not your fault" he whispered

Jack's eyes shifted and for a second Jerry saw that hurt little boy again, the one that only wanted to be loved, or at least, not to be hurt again. It hurt. He pulled Jack to him and wrapped him up in a hug, holding him close.

"It's not. I know what your doing and I'm telling you right now to stop. You didn't know"

"I should have"

The words whispered against his shoulder made him shake his head. He pulled back to meet his eyes again and was shocked to see not the broken look he was expecting, but that cold fire. He tried again.

"It's not just Sweet, it's Fowler too. He killed Green"

Jack processed this new information. That made it harder no doubt. He listened as Jerry told him about his business, Evelyn contacting the police about Sweet and about how Fowler gave that information to Sweet. As he looked into his brothers eyes he saw something he felt himself. Guilt. He lifted his hand and laid it on Jerry's shoulder, just resting it there, letting him know that he was there. His thoughts turned to Fowler, that lying piece of shit.

"He too then"

"Are you crazy? We can't kill a cop?"

"I don't care!" For the first time since his promise to Bobby Jack's voice cracked. Goddamnit it hurt to even breathe right now. He wished he could stop "I don't care".

Jerry let him go and went to stare out the window, the ordinary life passing through.

"He's going to kill us all, if we don't do something" Jack's somber words echoed. He was right. And he knew they knew that.

Jerry sighed and closed his eyes, wishing with all his might that Jack was wrong, but he knew he wasn't. Sweet would keep coming.

"He's not going to stop until we're all dead" Jack finished.

Jerry looked at Bobby, silently willing him to wake up and tell them what to do.

"He's right"

Angel had been silently staring at the wall. Now he turned to meet Jack's eyes.

"He's going to keep sending people to kill us. We need to take him down. More than that, we owe it to Bobby. He's our brother, and he's in here because of Sweet, and he shot you, tried to kill you" he gestured to Jack his eyes hard "and he had Ma killed. He's not walking away from this"

Angel walked over to Bobby's bed, Jack following behind him. Jerry came closer and without thinking about it they formed a protective circle around the bed.

As Jerry stared at his older brother he knew they were right. And if he was honest with himself he wanted revenge as well. For Evelyn, for Bobby, for Jack, who he could see was changing right in front of his eyes. He wondered where this would lead his little brother. He had a feeling it wasn't anywhere good, but he was right. They were out of options.

Angel also knew that Jack was right. He had known that all along, but he wanted to do everything he could to keep his little brother out of the line of fire. He had a feeling he wasn't going to succeed. The look in Jack's eyes was that of someone who wanted blood, a feeling he himself was more than familiar with. But this was Jack, the one they had worked so hard to protect. Bobby would have punched him for simply even thinking about this, but he didn't know what else to do. It made his chest hurt to think that in order to keep them all safe, and get revenge, he had to break a promise he had made so long ago, a promise he had taken to heart.

"_How long will you be gone?" _

_Angel stood in Bobby's doorway, watching as he was packing his bag._

"_Two weeks at most I think, should be settled fairly quickly"_

_Angel nodded as Bobby closed his bag and turned to him._

"_I need to ask you to do something"_

_This was unusual enough for Angel to be curious. But he had a feeling he knew what it was about already._

"_Watch over Jackie will ya? I swear that kid attracts trouble like a pole does strippers"_

"_You know I will"_

_Angel was serious and he watched Bobby fidget, a rare thing indeed._

"_I know, I know. Just promise that you always will right? No matter what"_

_Angel's alarm bells sounded._

"_Where are you going, I can come with..."_

"_No. Just promise me"_

"_I promise. You know I already made that promise to myself, and to him"_

"_I know"_

_Bobby nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. He didn't need to say it aloud, there was something about Jack that made them all want to protect him, Jerry too._

I'm sorry, Angel thought looking down at Bobby. I don't have a choice...

Jack forced himself to focus his gaze at Bobby's pale face. Ignoring the pain his shoulder caused him he leaned his hand out, Angel and Jerry grabbed it without hesitation and their eyes met over Bobby's bed.

Had Bobby known what they were planning he surely would have yelled, punched and cursed like a mad man. As it was he didn't know, and he was unable to stop it.

**So sorry for the short chapter! One of my roomies thought it would be a great time for our landlord to fix our apartment, my room too. Good idea, except she took off for parts unknown and I'm stuck living in the kitchen while they paint my room. Which seems to take forever. Lovely. Have also lost two of my christmas presents for two of my friends somewhere in this mess that is my home. I wanted to put something up for you, as I know, at least I hope, that you are waiting with baited breath for more of Jack and the rest (Yes, Anon I am looking at you lol. Thank you so much for your support. I honestly would not have dared to even think of this story otherwise). Anyway there will be another chapter his weekend, or Monday, a longer one, so just think of this like a preview of things to come. That said I am very insecure about this chapter, please don't bash it, or do, if you like that kind of thing lol. No honestly, just be honest, I can take it. **


	8. Time

**I agree with you Anon, I would have loved to see something like this in the movie. I also like the whole "we against the world" angle and I try to use it in a way so that it dosen't become cheesy, I was a bit unsure about the handholding over Bobby's bed, but I think it worked, as they didn't speak, just took each others hands. Like a promise without words. I also think it was important to show Angel and Jerry's reluctance to involve Jack, because going after Sweet is not the same thing as pouring gas over people, especially as they are doing it without Bobby. He's their little brother, the urge to protect him like I imagine they have done since he first came to them is deeply ingrained in all of them, especially since he's been through a lot already. And they know that Bobby would have been against Jack taking an active part in the revenge. That said they didn't have much of a choice since Sweet is going after them either way. I don't own four brothers, just my own twisted mind.**

Walking outside in the cold cleared his head. He walked with determined strides down the street and didn't stop until he reached a payphone. Casting a wary look behind him he entered the booth, taking a deep breath before lifting the phone and dialing the number he had memorized.

The phone rang several times before the nurse in charge reached it. Lifting it to her ear she hoped against hope it wasn't some enraged family member threatening to sue the hospital, again. It had already happened once today and she didn't think she could take anymore. She adopted the formal and pleasant tone she had perfected during her first two years there.

"Henry Ford hospital, how may I help you?"

It was quiet for a few seconds and she was about to repeat the question when a hoarse voice spoke.

"I'm calling about Bobby Mercer"

The nurse closed her eyes in defeat. The Mercer's again. She wondered faintly if the stray grey hair she noticed while using the bathroom during her lunch hour really had been there yesterday.

"Yes, well are you a family member? We can only divulge information about our patients if that is the case. Please state your name and relation"

"So he is a patient of yours then?"

The nurses brow furrowed in confusion, a warning bell making it's presence known.

"Sir, I have to ask you again for your name, like I said we cannot divulge any information about a patient, or if they are a patient here, if your not family"

"I heard he's more dead than alive, can you verify that?"

"Sir" The nurse struggled to keep calm "If you don't say your name and relation this conversation is over" She warned.

"Tell me, do you keep a close eye on him? He's been shot right? Did they catch the one who did it?"

Something about the the way he spoke stopped the nurse from hanging up, realizing that this was important.

"Your name sir"

"Oh there's no need for names. I was just wondering about the state of the oldest Mercer. It would be a shame if he were to clock out before his time"

The sinister chuckle made the nurses eyes widen and a shiver raced down her spine. She was losing control of the conversation quickly, realizing that the unknown man was dominating it completely. In a final attempt to retake control she steeled her voice, attempting to sound like the conversation didn't faze her.

"I can assure you sir that we have the outmost security here at Henry Ford hospital, no one is in any danger while in our care"

"Is that so?" The man sounded surprised, a surprise she knew he was faking. He was about to drop something on her, she just knew it. She straightened her spine, as if he could see her. She waited and he didn't disappoint.

"If your security is as tight as you say, why is one of your security guards unconscious in the basement?"

Click. The nurse stared at the now silent phone in horror.

A gloved hand placed the phone back in the cradle slowly, letting his hand rest there for a few seconds as he stared at the snow falling slowly outside the booth. Turning around Jack opened the door and exited, walking back the same way he came.

_Three hours earlier..._

"_What about Bobby, someone need to watch over him. Sweet might play us, or scratch that, he is going to play us. While we're busy at the meet, and that is if he's even going to go for it, he's going to send someone here to finish the job. Someone has to stay here" Jerry stated, hoping against hope that Jack would volunteer to stay behind, for his own safety._

"_We need all three of us if this is going to work" Angel shook his head conflicted._

"_Do we know someone..." Jerry cut himself off._

_They were unwilling to involve more people in this. There were some they trusted, but it was too risky at this point to involve more players. _

_They stood in silence until Jack spoke, their heads turning to him._

"_I have a plan"_

Nurse Baker had explained the situation to the guards she had called for and they were sweeping the basement while she was speaking with her boss in his office.

"He asked for the state of a patient named Bobby Mercer several times, then threatened him. I think we need to take this seriously"

"Nurse Baker, I'm sure you are aware that there are a lot of people calling here all hours on the day to spout off whataver crazy ideas they have, we can't lock down the entire hospital because of one call"

"And the security guard? He's still missing?"

"He might have gone for a cup of coffee"

There was a knock on the door and thw two security guards entered, their expressions grim.

"We found him, he's in the ER now. Looks like just a concussion, he got lucky"

Nurse Baker stared at her Boss whose face had turned pale. He turned to the guards and took a deep breath.

"Increase the sucurity at the doors, call in a few more heads to do rounds, I want to see a functioning schedule on my desk in half an hour"

The guards nodded and turned to leave when nurse Baker cleared her throat. Her Boss sighed and spoke again.

"And I want two of the guards to stand watch outside the room of a patient named Bobby Mercer, threats have been uttered against him by the same man, is that clear?"

The guards nodded again and left.

"It would look very bad for us if this came out, and especially if a patient were to be harmed inside our hospital"

Nurse Baker refrained from rolling her eyes and simply nodded, deciding to let Mr Mercer's doctor inform his brothers of the recent events.

The brothers were sitting around Bobby's bedside when the doctor came to inform them of the added protection, as one had implied a wish to see Mr Mercer harmed more than he already was. Like expected they immediatley demanded to know what were being done to ensure the safety of their brother. Facing down the three brothers he cursed nurse Baker for making him do this. He noted with surprise that the youngest brother was coherent again.

"Mr Mercer, you, you should have called for me when you woke up"

Jack stared at him for a few seconds, an unreadable look on his face. Just as the doctor started to fidget uncomfortable he stated with a quiet voice.

"I wasn't asleep"

The doctor sighed.

"Of course not, but we need to talk about this and I want you to consider..."

"The only thing we need to talk about is the threat against my brother" Jack cut him off.

"Of course" He knew he wouldn't get any further with this right now "Like I said, we have additional security at the doors and two guards will stand outside Bobby's room at all times. I assure you we are taking this very seriously since he, whoever he is, is prone to violence, as one of our guards can attest to"

"How is he?" Jerry asked.

"Conscious" The doctor shrugged "I can't tell you much as I hope you understand" Even though he knew they didn't care about hospital regulations "but I can tell you that he didn't see who attacked him as he came from behind, he received a hard blow to the head and he was out"

Angel looked at Jack who didn't react.

Please, please let them drop it and not insist on meeting the guard himself, the doctor chanted, as that was the only reason he told them that, since he didn't want them to go and harrass the poor guard for information.

"Is there any chance we can see him just shortly..."

The doctor cut Angel off with a shake of his head.

"No. I'm sorry but you can't. First of all this is police business, and second he's injured"

Angel nodded, looking forlorn.

The doctor turned to leave and was shocked when a hand landed on his shoulder halting him. The hand shook slightly and he turned to meet the eyes of the youngest brother, Jack. He could feel the young mans uncertainty in touching him, and understood it's importance.

"Please" Jack's voice cracked "Please tell me you'll do everything you can to make sure my brother is safe"

Seeing the tears in the blue eyes the doctors old hardened heart softened and he placed a gentle hand on the one on his shoulder, taking note of the flinch Jack gave off as their skin touched.

"I promise you that your brother is safe with us, we will take good care of him, don't you worry"

Jack slid his hand away, the unfamiliar touch as unwanted as necessary.

"Thank you" He whispered "I'm just, I'm so tired..." He trailed off, a look of guilt plain on his face, as if he wasn't allowed to feel anything when his brother lay in a hospital bed in the same room, seriously injured.

The doctor reacted at once. He looked into Jack's eyes closely and saw the pain, the hurt and the all consuming agony that rested there. He lifted a hand but slowly pulled it back when Jack tensed again.

"Maybe you should go home for a while, maybe sleep for a bit"

Jack shook his head slowly, shoulders sagging.

"I can't" He whispered "my brother needs me here"

"Your no good to your brother in this condition Jack, you need to take better care of yourself, you got shot too" The doctors voice was gentle and calm.

"There's no one there, it's better here"

"Jackie? You want us to go home with you?" Jerry's voice was worried.

The doctor gave an approving nod to Jack's brothers, showing what a wise decision that would be. Still, Jack resisted.

"No I'm fine, Bobby needs us right now and..." his voice broke.

"Hey" Angel put an arm around his shoulder and the doctor backed away "we'll go with you. You need us too, I'm sorry we didn't think of it sooner" He rubbed his free hand over his eyes in a gesture meant to look contrite.

"It's okay Angel you don't have to worry" Jack almost whispered

"I think it would be a good idea to take Jack home and make sure he gets some rest, and you too" The doctor pointed out.

Angel and Jerry nodded while Jack looked unsettled.

"Jack, we need to be here for Bobby when he wakes up, we can't do that if we can't stand on our feet" Jerry cut in, coming to stand on his other side.

Jack's shoulder slumped even more as he let out a defeated sigh.

"Okay. But not until the guards get here"

"That sounds reasonable" The doctor nodded his agreement, secretly thrilled that they had agreed "I'll let you know".

When the doctor left the brothers remained silent for a minute before Angel spoke.

"Nice work Jackie"

An hour later the doctor returned with two big looking men, Scott and Motown. Angel raised an eyebrow at this but didn't ask. While Angel and Motown were locked in what seemed to be a staring contest Jerry asked if they could have a few minutes alone with Bobby before they left, and they were soon alone again.

"Motown? What the fuck is up with that?" Angel wondered.

Jerry shrugged while Jack continued to stare out the window, his thoughts a mile away. He turned and sat down in the chair next to Bobby's bed while Angel and Jerry did the same. Jerry would call Sweet and offer the 400 000 dollars in exchange for their freedom. That part of the plan had been Jerry's, now they just needed to agree on the rest, which was easier said than done, but they needed to make a move before Sweet did, time was slipping away from them.

"Hey. You alright?"

Jack looked up at Jerry's question and tried to make an indifferent shrug, his shoulder stopping him. He gritted his teeth against the pain. He needed to take care of that, and soon.

"I'm fine"

"About before. We know it was hard on you"

Jack knew that Jerry was refering to the talk with the doctor. The touching, and the open vulnerability he never showed anyone but his family. It had been hard, and it had taken a lot from him, but he had done it, because it was for Bobby. It's no more than he would have done for you... A voice in his head whispered.

"It dosen't matter" His voice was flat, emotionless.

"Jack. Talk to us" Angel tried.

And he wanted to. He wanted to so badly. He wanted to tell them he was sorry, that he was so sorry that Bobby had been shot protecting him, sorry that he was a fuck up, sorry that he would never be anything other than this. He wanted to let them comfort him as they had before, make everything alright, but most of all he wanted Bobby to wake up and comfort him, Bobby to tell him everything would be alright, like he always had. But that wasn't going to happen now, and Jack realized that even though he had fought with his brothers many times, and tried to assure them that he to could be like them, that they didn't need to protect him all the time, he had no ground to stand on. He felt like he was falling and no one was there to catch him, the person who always had was unable to now. He focused his eyes on Bobby's pale face, and there it was, the hate, the anger, the uncontrollable urge to _damage. _Strangely enough he felt calmer, despite the fire raging in his blood, he felt more focused. It was clear. His purpose was clear. Nothing mattered except this. He wanted to tell Angel and Jerry, but it hurt to speak, and he had never been good at talking, but there was something he wanted to say.

"You know I love you guys"

_You alright? You sure? You know I love you man... _

The tension hung in the air. The other brothers worry for the youngest only increasing.

"You know we love you" Jerry stated, Angel nodding beside him, his eyes never leaving Jack's face.

Jack nodded meeting their eyes.

"We need the weapons from the house, I know where Bobby hid them"

They accepted the change in subject with a mental note in both their heads that they needed to talk more about this later, before it was to late.

"We'll go there, go over the rest of the plan, and make the call to Sweet" Angel stated.

It was time to go, but no one moved, reluctant to leave Bobby behind even with the extra protection.

"It'll be fine, the guards are here and thanks to your phonecall they are extra careful" The ever logical Jerry nodded at Jack.

Jack knew he was right. The staff was on alert, and when the brothers left the doctor wouldn't think it was strange after their little scene earlier. They had quickly come to realize that if they suddenly left their brother it would seem very strange, and so Jack had improvised the scene with the doctor when the oppurtunity presented itself, his brothers quickly following suit.

Jack leaned over Bobby's bed and placed his head against his chest, closing his eyes. _I promise you... _

Angel took one of Bobby's hands in his and Jerry moved to Jack's side of the bed to do the same. They didn't move until Jack slowly straightened up, his eyes resting on Bobby's face, before he slowly stood up until he was no longer touching the bed. Angel and Jerry did the same, slowly letting go of Bobby's hands. Jack took one last look at Bobby's still face before moving to the door, his brothers following him. He paused at the door, his hand on the knob, before he turned it and walked out into the bland looking hallway, his brothers behind him. Standing there he took a deep breath and put on the empty expression he had worn so many times in the past. Jerry and Angel stood beside him and when they saw the guards take their position outside Bobby's door they walked away.

**I don't know if I'll be able to update before christmas as I have a lot going on now, but I'll do my best, and I probably can't even wait :) Just in case, merry christmas! Have anyone figured out who gave the guard a concussion? At the time I only thought of it as a milestone, but I'm thinking of bringing it up again maybe, we'll see. And I'm trying to show a new side to Jack, one I'm sure he has used before he came to the Mercer's, at least in some kind of way. A very manipulate side, and of course, his newly found dark side. I'm moving into it gradually though. He might become more desperate and dark as we get closer to the meet. I think that to survive what Jack did as a child you have to learn a lot, for survival. I actually think that Jack is very smart, he has to be, or he would have been dead ( I do not hear those of you telling me that he actually died in the movie after a guy threw a snowball at him lalalala, it was an honest mistake!) Anyway. Part of the plan is in motion and the guys are on the move. Oh, you want to know what the plan is? I have no freaking clue. I'm winging it. Mercer style. **


	9. Home?

**Hey, you've been waiting a long time for the next chapter and I'm sorry about that, I am at home visiting my family and with christmas and new years, well you know, not a lot of time left lol. Well I've got a cold now so if anything sounds hinky (is that a word?), it might actually be because of the fever and not my mind, who knows. Anyway I hope you're still with me because I'm ready to put this show on the road. Music is very important to me, especially when I write so I got this idea that I can write down the songs that inspired me for each chapter, usually while I write a chapter I listen to the same songs that I feel fits the mood for just that chapter, and sometimes the chapter changes because of the songs I listen to at the moment. Maybe a stupid idea but like I said, music is important to me. Enough of this, time to meet up with Jackie and the rest, and yeah, we're getting closer and closer to, what? Jackies revenge? His downfall? We shall see. I don't own four brothers.**

Standing inside his home felt strange. Maybe because it didn't feel like home. It didn't feel safe, it didn't feel warm. It didn't feel like it used too. Or maybe it was he himself that was different, maybe he had changed so much since the shooting that he no longer belonged here, in the place that used to be his safe haven. He wondered if he would ever fit again. His eyes landed on the pictures of him and his brothers on the wall, now riddled with bullet holes. Was he supposed to feel? No. It wasn't the time for feeling, it wasn't time to cry and break, he had done that so much already. He felt too hollow anyway. How could he feel, when the place where his heart should have been, was empty.

He dragged his gaze from the pictures and he took a few steps, the dining room table coming into view. The family table. Their family table. Their family. He turned quickly, catching Angel's eyes.

"In the kitchen"

Angel nodded and left in search for the guns they would probably need. No, not probably. They would need them. Today, tonight. He felt a hand on his shoulder, it calmed him slightly.

"You alright?"

Jerry's voice was steady. He had always been the calm rational one. But Jack knew he was breaking too. They all were. But they just had to hold on a little longer.

"Yeah"

"Don't lie"

There was no accusation in his voice, just that calm statement of fact that reminded him so much of Bobby.

"Don't worry" Jack answered, his eyes distant.

Don't worry about me. Worry about him. He's the one who's dying. Aren't you too? The voice inside him whispered. Maybe I am, I don't care. What's the point of living when I feel dead already... Maybe I was never supposed to make it this far.

"I do" Jerry spoke.

Jack looked at him. Saw the love, the sadness, the anger. He wanted to reassure him, but he had nothing to say. Nothing he could say. He had a feeling it was already decided. The path was chosen and there were no where to turn from the embarked path.

"Found them"

Angel interrupted their stare and they both turned to look at him as he loaded the table full of guns and ammo. Just like Bobby had. They gathered around the table.

"We need a plan. A good one"

"I'll set up the meet with Sweet, offer the money in exchange for our freedom" Jerry stated.

"We need more. He'll kill you before you have taken a step. We'll find you when the ice clears in the spring, if we're alive"

Angel was right. And this wasn't even about their freedom. It was about revenge, it was about blood, their blood. Theirs, and Sweets.

"Set up the meet. We'll meet with him, and then we'll kill him"

Angel would never get used to hearing that cold indifference in his little brothers voice. But as hard as it was he knew Jack had a point. More than that he wanted revenge too. So badly he could almost taste it. He just hoped that Bobby would forgive them for letting Jack do this. If there was another way he would have done it, would have jumped at the chance to keep his little brother away from the danger and the death that was hovering just around the corner, waiting for them. But there wasn't, and he knew that if they tried to keep him out of it they were all dead. They needed each other now. Maybe more than they ever had before.

"And Fowler?"

"He's dead"

"Jack! We can't kill a cop even if he's dirty!" Jerry argued.

"He killed Ma" Jack whispered

"He's not walking" Angel's voice was hard.

Jerry sighed. He wanted this as much as them, but how where they going to get it done.

"I'll call Evan"

30 minutes later Jerry had left for a meet with Evan and Jack and Angel was seated at the table. Jerry had told them he should meet with Evan alone, as to not spook him. They didn't like it, but Jerry trusted Evan, and they knew he was right.

"You know what you're doing?" Angel's voice interrupted the silence. He studied Jack carefully. When Jack didn't answer he continued "It isin't easy. I know it seems like it now, and I know we make it look that way, but it isin't Jack, it isin't easy to take someones life. It's not supposed to be"

Jack still didn't answer but Angel knew he was listening. After growing up together he could tell when he was off in his own world. He wanted to make sure he knew what he was doing.

"The night we killed them" He didn't have to say their names, they both knew who he were talking about "You freaked out. There was a reason Bobby wanted you to stay back. He didn't want you to have to deal with that, because it taints you Jack. It changes you. They got what they deserved, and I don't regret it, and I never will, but we took their lives. That's on us. Bobby never wanted you to know what it feels like"

"Bobby never wanted to be shot either"

"Bobby wouldn't have minded if it meant he was saving your life. That's why he did what he did, he did it for you. And trust me he dosen't regret that, no matter what"

Jack knew that. Knew Bobby would have done anything to protect him. That was one of the first things he taught him when he arrived at the Mercer's. Protect your family. It didn't change the fact that it was Jack's fault.

"It goes both ways" Jack voice was almost a whisper.

"What does?"

"Protecting your family"

Angel nodded.

"Do you remember when you stole that car?" Angel asked

Jack let out a small hollow laugh. It made his chest hurt.

"Yeah. Thought Bobby would kill me when he came to bail me out"

"Oh yeah, he wanted to wring your scrawny neck" Angel laughed

"It was a nice car though"

"It was" Angel agreed.

The door opening and closing made them tense up and reach for their guns, but Jerry's face made them relax.

"It's done"

They were seated at the table. The same table where they had family dinners. The table that were missing two people. Two empty chairs. The sight stung Jack's eyes and made them hurt, made them want to close to block out the sight. They had gone over the plan and were now discussing everything that could go wrong.

"Fowler's a problem. Evan said that he's probably not going to go for it, and he's going to be there. Should we split up?" Jerry's voice was unsure, showing his dislike at the thought.

"No. Too risky. Who would do what, and Jack's shoulder's not alright, we can't take that chance"

"I'll be fine"

"You took any pills?"

"Later. Can't be messing up my mind now"

They saw the logic in that. Still, it must hurt like a bitch.

"And Evan and the rest is on?"

"Yeah" Jerry nodded

"Can we trust him?"

"We have to, got no other choice"

They sat in silence. In an hour they were meeting with Sweet, and they all knew that this was their time.

"It feels wrong without him here. And without her too" Jerry spoke up and broke the silence that had settled over the room.

"I miss them too" Angel's voice was subdued "But we're gonna send Ma some company, so she can straighten him out, her own way"

"He's not going where she went" Jack stated

"I think she's waiting for him, to give him a piece of her mind, before she goes on up" Angel sounded sure of this, and Jack liked the thought of Evelyn lecturing Sweet in the afterlife until his ear bled.

"Hey" They all looked at Jerry "I love ya'll"

Angel grasped his hand hard and hugged it with his own, no words needed. Jack sat silently beside them. For the first time since entering the house feeling some kind of warmth. This was his family. Maybe they weren't bound by blood, but they had grown up together, fought together, bled together, and that bound them to each other more tightly than any genetics ever could.

"_Hand me the remote boneyard"_

_Jack glared at Bobby and clutched the remote closer to him. _

"_Don't call me that"_

"_How about beanpole? All tall and skinny, you know that's why Ma wanted you to stay home tonight, she was afraid the hard wind would take the little fairy with it" Bobby laughed_

"_Shut up" Jack grumbled_

"_Oh someones getting testy" Bobby clucked his tongue at him "Now that I think about it, you have been growing an attitude for a while Cracker, what's up with that?"_

"_Nothing"_

"_Don't sound like nothing to me"_

"_None of your business"_

"_Oh now you know I aint leaving you alone, course it's my business, I'm your big brother aint I?"_

"_Some seems to think so" Jack shot Bobby a meaningful look_

"_Oh come on Jackie, make my life a little easier and spare me the time and energy from having to sneak around and figure things out myself"_

"_Cause that would take forever"_

"_Hey" Bobby struck him with the couch pillow across his face "Watch your mouth. When the fuck did you start being so fucking mouthy?"_

"_Fuck off Bobby" Jack hissed while trying to spit out the hair the pillow had brought to his mouth._

"_Hey I fucking mean it! What the fuck is up with you? You've been moodier than usual, and that's saying something since you're always a moody little emo kid"_

"_Do you even know what emo is?"_

"_Yeah, I know it's moody little shits who wears all black and wonders why the stars are shining so fucking bright and are all 'to be, or not to be"_

"_Whatever man"_

"_Leave the kid alone Bobby" Jack started to protest at being called a kid when Angel continued talking as he walked through the room to the kitchen "He just got suspended for fighting in school"._

_Jack sighed loudly. "Thanks Angel!"_

"_No problem kiddo" Angel called back from the kitchen, totally oblivious._

"_So. Suspended huh?"_

"_Just for the rest of the week"_

"_Seems like something you would like, no school"_

"_Yeah, a real sweet deal. Mom's having me get up early to clean the garage. And after I'm done with that she mentioned that the yard is looking like shit. Well, she didn't say shit"_

_Bobby winced, no one had been able to fit a car in the garage for years because of all the crap stuffed in there._

"_Harsh. Still, you know better, take it outside school"_

_Jack shrugged, reluctant to talk about the fight to had led to his suspension. Bobby seemed to sense that, so of course he continued. How does he do that Jack wondered. Some kind of sixth sense._

"_What were the fight about? And did you kick his ass, or did he kick yours? Tell me if that's the case and I'll take care of it"_

_Bobby looked over Jack quickly, searching for obvious and not so obvious injuries and finding none. _

"_I kicked his ass"_

_Jack's voice was steady but Bobby sensed there was more to this story. Jack usually didn't look for fights,but if the fight came to him he was like a wild cornered animal, and there was nothing more dangerous than a wild animal feeling cornered. And Jack still hadn't told him what the fight had been about. _

"_So what started it? You stole someones boyfriend or what?"_

_Jack glared but didn't bother to respond to that. _

"_Oh come on Jackie, you know I'm going to find out anyway"_

"_He always does" Jerry muttered as he walked past and up the stairs._

_Jack sighed and leaned his head back, a headache was approaching fast._

"_He was just talking shit"_

"_About?"_

_Jack hesitated, but then spoke, knowing Bobby would never give up until he gave in._

"_Us. About us"_

_Bobby's eyebrows rose and his hand clenched together._

"_What about us?"_

"_He said that we aren't really brothers. And that the only reason we're here is because" Jack stopped, caught his breath and then continued, the words coming out slowly "Because no one else wanted us"._

_Bobby didn't speak for a moment, rage rushing through him. He wanted nothing more than to find this guy and teach him a lesson about respect. He looked down at Jack's head which was bowed down to avoid Bobby's eyes and he felt sadness replace the rage. _

"_Hey" Jack looked up and met his eyes "He dosen't know what the fuck he's talking about. Little shit probably wouldn't know what the word family means even if you hit him with it. Your my brother Jack. Blood or no blood, your my brother, and I'll fucking kill anyone who says otherwise"_

_Bobby's voice was so sure that Jack didn't doubt him. _

"_And yeah sure, no one other than Ma wanted us, that's right. But that dosen't matter cause we could never have done better than her anyway"_

_Jack nodded. That was true. There was no one better than Evelyn. He was convinced she was the best, and the sweetest person that had ever walked on this earth. _

"_Your right"_

"_Of course I'm right. Now hand me the remote before I kick your ass into next week"_

_Jack sighed but handed the remote over to Bobby who quickly changed to a hockey game._

"_Hey Angel"_

"_What?" Came his muffled voice from the kitchen. No doubt was he stuffing his mouth again._

"_Help your little brother clean the garage tomorrow"_

_Loud sighs and mumbled curses were heard before a defeated "Fine" reached them. _

_Jack gave Bobby a small grateful smile then asked the question that was burning on his tongue._

"_How do you know Shakespeare?"_

_Bobby scoffed. "The better question is why do you you little fairy"_

**I hope you like it. In the next chapter the meet is probably going to take place, I'm not completely sure though, but maybe. Songs for this were Red nation – Game, Lil Wayne, One of us – Joan Osborne. Please tell me what you think. **


	10. Using

**Thanks to everyone who reads this story, and a special thanks to you who leave a review and tyell me what you think, it really means a lot :) I've been thinking about writing a chapter who is a flashback, and only that, no present time at all. Which is what I am going to try and do now. I realize that you probably want the story to move forward, but I want to explore the brothers and especially Bobby and Jack's relationship a bit more first. I promise we'll get to the meet ;) I don't own four brothers.**

_Years ago Jack would have run away at the sight that greeted him when he returned home. Or maybe he wouldn't have, since running usually meant harsher punishment, more humiliation, more pain. Running was for those with hope, those who still thought they had a chance of escaping. _

_It's not like that now, he told himself. And it wasn't. He knew that. Still, he couldn't stop the thoughts that came and went. Like clockwork they showed up during the day, during the night, whenever he was most unprepared, and sometimes when he knew they would come. It didn't matter that he was safe now, sometimes he still flinched, like he waited for the hit that never came. The nightmares still came, not as often, but often enough for him to want to avoid sleeping. Then when he finally slept they were there, taunting him, making him cry, making him weak again. _

_He knew they understood. He knew they loved him. As hard as it was to understand how they could, he knew they did. They just couldn't understand why he didn't value the life he had fought so hard to keep. _

_He wanted to turn around and walk away, but he knew they wouldn't let him. He knew they had seen him now from their spots outside the backdoor. Bobby saw him first and Angel noticed him tense and looked in the direction his eyes had taken. Bobby stood up, waiting. Jack thought he looked like an animal waiting to spring, his muscles tense. When he came closer Angel also stood, a concerned look in his eyes that made Jack look away. He stopped a few feet away from them, waiting. _

_Neither spoke, and Bobby grew more and more angry as he took in the state of his little brother. The rumpled clothes, the messy hair (more so than usual) and the bloodshot eyes. Under their eyes he swayed slightly, and that made Bobby react. When he spoke his voice was low and dangerous, a sure sign that he was pissed as hell and about to snap. _

"_Where have you been?"_

_Jack's only answer was a shrug that only served to make Bobby's hands clench and his eyes tighten to slits. _

"_I asked you a question. Where have you been?"_

_Angel shot a look at Bobby before looking back at Jack who still refused to meet their eyes. _

"_Jack..." He tried to keep his voice calm, sensing that Bobby was too angry and too worried right now. _

"_Do you know what time it is?" Bobby cut in._

_Jack didn't answer, just continued staring off to the side, what he was seeing was anyones guess. _

"_Look at me when I'm talking to you!"_

_The anger in Bobby's voice made Jack turn his head to meet his eyes. When their eyes met Bobby took a step forward._

"_Your high" It was a statement, not a question, but Jack answered anyway._

"_So what?"_

_Angel inhaled sharply even though he knew the moment he had laid eyes on Jack that he was high, and he knew that Bobby had also known, or at least suspected it. If the bag of weed in his room hadn't been proof enough his eyes told the story. But it was the careless way that Jack had answered that had caught him of guard. _

"_You did not just..." Bobby trailed off and took a deep breath to calm himself. It didn't work. "Get in". His voice who at first had been shocked turned to steel._

_Jack hesitated, his eyes locked on Bobby's in a silent battle of wills. In the end he realized that there really was no point in turning around and leaving, since he knew Bobby would never let him anyway. And as much as he tried to prove otherwise at times, Bobby still had the ability to tell him what to do. He listened to him. He had ever since he came here. But lately he had been defying him. It wasn't that he didn't know that he was right, Bobby usually was, it was that he didn't care about what was right anymore. _

_Jack walked past them inside, a small defiant spark in his eyes. Had Bobby not been pissed as all hell he would actually have been happy. Happy that Jack didn't take things lying down anymore, but as it was he was too angry to care. Bobby and Angel followed him inside, Bobby gesturing to Jack._

"_The kitchen"_

_Jack trudged along, flinging himself down in one of the chairs, that same defiant look in his eyes. Bobby took a seat in front of him while Angel remained standing, leaning against the kitchen sink. _

"_Just pot?"_

_Jack stared at Bobby and didn't answer._

"_What else?" When Jack didn't answer he continued forcefully "What else Jack?"_

_Jack knew better than to show Bobby what he had in his pockets, and he knew that if need be Bobby would search him._

"_Some pills"_

"_Some pills? Do you even know what you..." Bobby trailed off and held his hand out, an all knowing look in his eyes that made Jack want to scream "Give them to me"_

"_I don't have them"_

"_Don't lie" Bobby's voice was rough, and he ground the words out._

"_I'm not" Jack tried to steady his voice_

"_Don't think your fooling anyone Jackie. Either you give me whats in your pockets or I'll take it myself. Choose"_

_Another silent battle before Jack reached into his pocket and threw the bag of pills between them on the table. _

"_Is that all?" Bobby looked hard into Jack's eyes, hoping that Jack would tell the truth._

_Jack hesitated for a moment, the urge to tell Bobby everything almost choking him._

"_Yeah"_

_Bobby reached into his own pocket and grasped the bag of weed and held it out for Jack to see._

"_So this isin't yours?"_

"_You went through my room" _

_Jack's words were a mix of accusation and betrayal. Bobby pushed down the small twinge of guilt he felt at having invaded Jack's privacy. It was for his own good._

"_You lied to me" He countered_

_The phone rang and Angel answered after a moments hesitation. He spoke quietly for a moment before he hung up and turned back to them._

"_What?"_

"_Ma's sleeping over at work, to late to drive now and it's a crisis"_

"_Shit I didn't even realize..."_

_He had been so focused on the fact that Jack hadn't come home that he had failed to notice that Evelyn hadn't either. _

"_Yeah me neither"_

"_Angel. Leave me an Jack for a moment"_

_Angel hesitated, trying to gauge Bobby's mood, but with a sigh he left the kitchen._

"_Look at me. Look. At. Me"_

_Jack complied. His high was beginning to wear off and he felt an headache coming on._

"_This shit stops now. You hear me Jack? This is it"_

_Jack looked away, his head throbbing in time with his heart. _

"_I need it"_

_The quiet way he spoke almost broke Bobby's heart in two. Because he knew Jack really believed that he did. _

"_No Jack. You don't" His voice was sad, and he forced himself to harden it for what was coming next. "Who's your dealer?" Of course he wasn't surprised when Jack didn't answer, only shook his head. "Jack, I'm going to find out anyway, you know that, so you might as well tell me. Tell me, and I won't kill him"_

_Jack snorted "Yeah right"_

"_I won't"_

_Jack didn't reply and Bobby snapped._

"_Is this what you want Jack? You want to be an addict? You want to pump yourself full of shit? To waste away? Die in a shitty room in a shitty house?" His voice became higher with each word "Because that's were your heading, right back down to where you've been" Jack flinched but Bobby continued "You want to be like all those other fucks that screwed you over, is that it?"_

"_I'm not like them!" Jack suddenly yelled, tears in his eyes._

"_Your using the same shit your parents did before they died!"_

_The kitchen fell silent after Bobby's harshly spoken words. Jack's eyes spilled over and tears trailed down his cheeks silently, his hurt eyes focused on Bobby._

"_How, how did you kno.. I didn't..."_

_Bobby sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes in an attempt to calm down. _

"_I... When you came here, you were so, and I" He tried again "When you came here, I looked at your file. Ma dosen't know" He added. Jack's eyes were round and hurt. Bobby knew he was seeing what he himself had seen that day, only he was seeing them as memories, where Bobby had only read about them. "You were so small" he almost whispered "I wanted to help. That's why I know about your real parents, and every foster family that came after, except for one, they didn't have much on him"_

_Jack knew who he was talking about. Him. The monster who stood out beside all the others in his mind, in his nightmares. The man he thought he still saw sometimes when he turned on the street. _

"_I do understand Jack. And I'm sorry. I know you want to forget. But I won't let you kill yourself"_

_Jack let out a sob and Bobby stood, moving to his side and sat down beside him. He pulled him into a hug. Jack resisted at first, but then laid his head against his shoulder. His tears landed on Bobby's neck and Bobby wanted to kill everyone who had ever hurt him, everyone who had ever touched him, everyone that had made him want to die. _

_Time went by as they sat there, and eventually Jack stopped crying and was quiet. When he spoke his voice was raw._

"_I don't"_

"_You don't what Jack?" Bobby wasn't sure what he meant._

"_I don't want to die" His voice lowered to an almost whisper "I just don't want to live" _

_Bobby hugged him closer and leaned his head down on Jack's messy hair._

"_I'll get you through this Jackie. I promise"_

_Later when Bobby had helped Jack to bed and placed a blanket over him he went downstairs and found Angel in the livingroom waiting for him. _

"_Find out anything?"_

"_Yeah. Craig knew someone who knew"Angel waved a piece of paper in Bobby's direction and he took it. On it was an adress scribbled down. _

"_This downtown?" Angel nodded and stood "Let's go then" Bobby was once again all steel, his emotions pushed aside. _

_Angel hesitated, then spoke. "This wont fix him"_

"_It'll help"_

"_Bobby..."_

"_No. I want those little shits to know what happens if THIS happens again"_

_Angel couldn't argue with the logic in that. It would be harder for Jack to use if no one was selling him. They grabbed their jackets and walked outside to Bobby's car in silence. When they were seated Bobby gripped the steering wheel so hard that his fingers turned white. He looked out the windshield and swallowed hard._

"_He's only 16 Angel"_

"_I know" He laid a hand on Bobby's shoulder "We'll take care of it, of him" _

_Bobby nodded to himself, comforted by Angel's words, and started to the car and drove off. _

**I hope you like this :) I just wanted more background for the guys, and I think it'll be easier to understand where Jack is coming from later now, and why he does some things. "I don't want to die, I just don't want to live", is not my own, unfortunately I don't remember where I read it.**


	11. Bad

**Hey guys. Well I'm still sick as a dog (though I never did understand that expressio), actually it has only gotten worse. I wont go into detail but my head feels like a Mercer punched me. Yeah. That's way I wont go into "the meet" yet, because it's going to take a lot of energy, and I'm going to be in a low mood since I have planned for it to be dark, you know what I mean? Until I'm well again or at least better than now I'll write some flashbacks, might be only one more I don't know, depends on my cold. Btw why is there no Mark Wahlberg fics anywhere? The guy is freaking hot, please if you know of one let me know, need something to read. I don't own four brothers.**

_Evelyn sighed as she hung up the phone and turned to face her oldest son who was sitting at the table shoving food into his mouth like an inmate who was afraid someone would steal it from him. Maybe he had picked up that habit while in prison she mused. _

"_Who was it?" Bobby asked, his mouth full of food._

_Evelyn sighed "Please swallow before speaking Bobby, one would think you have no manners at all"_

_Bobby grinned but obdiently swallowed "There"_

"_Good" Evelyn smiled back but it was shortlived as her thoughts turned to the phonecall. She met Bobby's eyes and took a deep breath "It's Jack" Bobby's fork stopped halfway to his mouth, he tried to conceal the panic he felt but knew that it was little use, Evelyn could always see right through him. She continued quickly, seeing his worry. "He's been arrested"._

_Jack was sitting on a bench inside the station. He desperately wanted a smoke but since his hands were handcuffed behind him he knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He knew that by now they had contacted Ma, and if Ma knew then Bobby knew. If he was home. Maybe he was out at a bar, getting drunk, and having to spend the night in the arrest. Yeah, what a dream. But Jack couldn't help but hope. _

"_Jack"_

_Jack looked up to meet officer Green's eyes as he stood in front of him "Green"._

"_I called your house" _

_Jack felt panic crash over him, he took a deep breath "And?"_

"_Evelyn answered. I told her she could come and pick you up"_

_Jack let out a sigh of relief. At least Bobby hadn't answered the phone. That was a good sign right? He glared at Green who appaerently found his relief to be really funny. _

"_What the fuck are you laughing about?" He spat out._

_Green sighed and sat down beside him "You see Jack, that right there is exactly why you are in so much trouble all the time. Had this been any other cop than me you would be staying the night here"_

"_Like I give a fuck. What? You want to give me a lesson in respect? Trust me officer, I already know all about it and I don't fucking care"_

_Green shook his head, a small sad smile on his face "I really wish you would trust me Jack. Not everyone is out to get you" Green had some idea though, why Jack was the way he was. That didn't mean he could let everything he did slide._

"_Where the fuck is he?"_

_An enraged cry from the front of the station made them both stiffen for different reasons. Green sighed and Jack, well he tried to make himself small, but wasn't having much luck._

"_Mr Mercer! You'll have to wait here!"_

"_Like I'm listening to you, what the fuck are you anyway, a traffic cop? Get the fuck out of my way before I slap you one!"_

"_Are you thre..."_

"_Bobby" Green stood up "He's right here, calm down before you end up locked up as well. Where's Evelyn?"_

_Bobby came to a stop in front of them, his eyes glaring a hole through Jack who refused to meet his eyes._

"_Well you see Green I thought it would be better if I picked Jackie up, especially at this late hour" He snarled the last part to Jack._

"_Alright then I'll get the paperwork"_

"_Wait, what did he do?"_

"_He was driving a stolen car when he was pulled over for a broken tail light"_

_Bobby's eyes hadn't left Jack "A stolen car huh? To lazy to walk fairy?"_

"_Since he is only 15, we are letting him go with a warning. But just so you know, he wont get lucky next time" Green turned to get the papers, tossing back a final warning "Be sure to wait until you have your license next time Jack"._

_Bobby smacked Jack in the back of the head and then sat down next to him "What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

_Jack sighed and didn't answer. Bobby wanted to continue but a cop came to release Jack. The guard tugged a little to hard on the cuffs and Jack tried to hold back a wince but Bobby noticed._

"_Hey" The cop looked at him "Try that again and your friends will be locking me up, and not for stealing, got it?"_

_He obviously did as he hurried to release Jack and scurry off. As they exited the doors Green yelled after them "Til next time Mercer". Bobby flipped him off and steered Jack to his car._

_The ride home was tense at best. Bobby could see that Jack was retreating into himself like he usually did when something was going on. He decided to try to get some words out of him before that door was completely shut. _

"_Wanna tell me what you were thinking?"_

_Jack continued to stare out the window, a blank look on his face._

"_Jack?"_

_Still no answer and Bobby sighed in frustration. Talking to Jack where sometimes like talking to a wall, except the wall made more noise. He thought Jack had completely shut off so when he spoke Bobby was surprised._

"_I wanted to see if I could"_

"_You wanted to see if you could steal a car?" Bobby spoke slowly, showing what a stupid idea he thought that had been._

"_Yeah"_

"_Why?"_

"_Felt good"_

_That right there was what worried Bobby. It wasn't the car, shit he himself had done a lot worse at Jack's age. It was that curiosity, the testing of limits that Jack seemed so fucking fond of that had him awake at night._

"_Yeah well you got caught. Was that the plan too?" Bobby hissed, his worry igniting his temper._

"_No"_

"_Figures" Bobby muttered "Look Jack. I can't tell you what to do, or shit scratch that, I sure as shit can tell you what to do and you are not stealing another car, you fucking get that? And if your gonna do stupid shit like this for fucks sake don't get caught doing it!"_

_Jack nodded, a far away look in his eyes. Bobby sighed when his eyes turned to the window, watching the town as they sped through._

_As they returned home Evelyn talked to Jack while Bobby listened outside the room. As Jack ventured up to his room his eyes met Evelyns worried ones. _

_Later he was staring at Jack while he slept. He looked so young and innocent, but then he always did. That innocent face hid so much pain Bobby thought. Pain and hurt and sadness. That was the thing about Jack. He was never angry at the life he had been handed, he didn't curse those who had hurt him, or his life. Instead he turned it to himself. Instead of punishing the world like Bobby had done Jack punished himself. For every pain he wanted to add a little more to himself. Looking closer he saw that Jack had removed the leather bracelets he usually wore around his wrists and he peered closer, unable to help himself. When he only saw the old scars he let out a sigh of relief. You never knew with Jack, his need for pain was still there, even if it had lessened a bit over the years. Taking one last look at Jack he walked out the door, closing it behind him with a heavy sigh._

**Just a short one since my head is spinning, but I wanted to give you something :) Anyway if I write another flashback chapter I'm thinking of writing some happy times too, cause it wasn't just angst and stolen cars. But I'm already thinking of another "event" so to speak. But also a happy one. Thanks for reading and take care!**


	12. Movies

**My fever is making me crazy I think, so if somethings seems weird it's probably that, or it could be me. Who knows. Anon: I have sweet sweet (no pun) plans for Bobby too lol, though I'm waiting for the right moment, but his time is coming. This is kind of funny, or it's supposed to be at least, don't know how I'll do since "angst" is more my thing. I don't own four brothers.**

"_Ma..."_

"_Don't Ma me Bobby Mercer. You're spending way to much time inside the house, all of you, go out and do something. Why don't you take your brothers to the movies? That would be nice wouldn't it?"_

"_Are you kidding?" _

_Evelyn sent Bobby one of her stern looks and met his eyes right on. "Do you think I'm kidding?"_

_Bobby sighed "No"_

_Evelyn patted his cheek gently and gave him a small smile "It'll be fun. I'll leave money on the counter for you"._

_And that's how the Mercer's ended up at the movies, Evelyns words 'it'll be fun' ringing in Bobby's ears. Of course, actually making it to the movies were an accomplishment in itself for the brothers. _

"_Where's Jack?" Jerry asked while putting his jacket on._

"_He'll be right down" Angel bounded down the stairs._

_And sure enough, less than a minute later Jack came down the stairs in his usual swagger. He bumped Angel who was choosing which jacket to wear, causing him to swat after him. Bobby sighed and rolled his eyes from his place on the couch._

"_What the fuck is this? Date night? Pick a fucking jacket some time today Angel!"_

"_Fuck you Bobby"_

"_I would, if your girl wasn't so hellbent on doing it"_

_Angel rolled his eyes "Shut up man"_

"_Can we go?" Jack asked impatiently_

"_We can sweetheart, we just have to wait for your big sister to pick out her shoes"_

_With a huff Angel changed shoes, muttering that some people around here actually cared about their looks, and didn't want to come off looking like a hobo. Bobby ignored him and went outside to start the car, the others trailing along behind him. Soon they had parked and were making their way inside and that's when another problem presented itself. Which movie to watch. _

"_What about this one?"_

_Bobby looked and promptly scoffed. "No fucking way am I watching that shit again Angel"_

"_Well, this one seems pretty good" Jerry stated_

"_Please tell me you're not pointing to 'Legends of the fall' Jerry._

"_No man the one next to it, 'Forrest Gump'._

"_Well that must be the most boring piece of shit ever"_

"_You talk like Britney Spears" _

_Bobby spun around and came face to face with a small boy. He glared first at the boy, then at the woman holding the little boys hand "What did you just say?"_

"_I said you..."_

"_I fucking heard you!" Bobby snarled. _

_The woman gasped in shock and dragged the boy away after sending a glare Bobby's way. The boys voice drifted back faintly "I just meant that she also says 'ever' all the time. Like all the time. Like..."_

_Bobby turned back to find his brothers trying to hold back their laughter, unsuccessfully._

"_Shut up" He dragged a hand over his head "Britney fucking Spears" he grumbled._

"_I'd do her"Angel nodded, a big smile on his face._

"_That's because anyone, or ANYTHING is an upgrade from your girl"_

"_Can you shut up about her? Man..."_

"_Shit I hate kids" Bobby muttered, his irritation returning._

"_You don't" Jack's voice interrupted his train of thought._

"_Oh yeah? What the fuck do you know of it sweetheart?"_

"_Well you were nice, well not nice" Jack corrected himself "you were always good to me, when I was a kid"_

_Bobby ignored Angel's comment on how Jack was still a kid since he was only 15 anyway._

"_That's different. You weren't a kid. Your a fairy"_

"_Fuck you"_

"_Thank you honey" _

"_Can ya'll shut up, people are looking"_

"_What about this one?" Jack asked_

"_Finally someone with some fucking taste in movies!" Bobby strode over to the girl selling tickets "Four tickets to die hard" Looking to his side he saw Jack stand there with a look of longing in his blue eyes. Bobby sighed. "And two big buckets of popcorn and four sodas"_

_Jack smiled gratefully. _

_The movie was good but after an hour they were all bored except for Jerry. Angel was throwing glances at a girl on another row sitting with her boyfriend and Bobby was commenting on how Bruce Willis was almost as badass as he himself was. Jack had resorted to throwing popcorn at a guy who went to his school. He watched as they bounced of the back of his head every few seconds. He did have pretty good aim. _

_Suddenly Angel got up and went to sit next to the girl on the other row, her boyfriend or whatever he was having had to use the toilet or something. _

"_Jackie. Take a good look" Jack looked over where Bobby pointed and discovered Angel, with his tongue down the other girl throat "that, is a very big mistake"._

"_How so? I thought you didn't like Sofie?" Jack dug deeper into his bucket of popcorn and looked at the one Angel had abanded. He had used most of his on the guy from his school. Bobby saw his look, rolled his eyes and handed him Angel's bucket, which Jack gratefully accepted. _

"_It's a bad idea because her boyfriend is big as a house, and because he talked to the gang of five dudes up there before he went outside. He knows them. Maybe their friends. Maybe they don't mind helping him kick some ass"_

"_Maybe he went home?" Jack mused_

"_Trust me, he didn't go home"_

"_How do you know?"_

_Bobby laughed "Take a look at her. Now I know you don't swing that way but still, can't you see she's hot as fuck?"_

"_Shut up" Jack glared at him which made Bobby laugh harder and tussle his hair "Sorry princess, couldn't resist"_

_Jack looked over at the girl and he had to admit, she did look good. Bobby nodded "No guy leaves a girl like that hanging, trust me. Angel's should be really grateful that we love him an all, since he's about to get his ass kicked"_

_Jack looked at the boyfriend who was making his way down the aisle, not yet having discovered what his girlfriend was up to. _

"_I think Angel can take him" Jack shared his opinion after studying the other guy._

"_I think so to. But I don't think he can take all six of them. Let's go save your big brother Jackie__-O"_

_Jack left his popcorn, well, Angel's popcorn and stood up and followed Bobby. Bobby slapped Jerry on the back of his head "Hey. Need help here Jer"_

_Jerry looked up and then over at Angel and sighed "Man..." He stood up to follow them._

_They reached the group just as Angel stood up, yelling at the so called boyfriend and his friends, who, true to Bobby's word had gathered around. Bobby took one look at the girl and deemed her a dimwit. Since he was feeling generous he decided to do her a favor._

"_Get the fuck out of here"_

_She didn't need to be told twice as she took off like a rocket. The boyfriend grabbed Angel's jacket with his hands, but Bobby stepped forward and pushed him back. He felt Angel's grateful glance on his face but focused on the problem at hand. _

"_Problem?" His voice was low, which everyone who knew Bobby Mercer, knew was very, very bad._

"_Yeah I got a problem. He was hitting on my girl!"_

"_Yeah well, I don't really give a fuck" Bobby said "Look, you can go, we wont stop you, or you can stay, but if you do..." He cracked his knuckles together, the message clear._

"_We aint going nowhere"_

"_I knew you'd say that. Jackie?" Jack stepped forward, next to Bobby "Stay close to me". Bobby then proceeded to slam his right fist into the guys nose, breaking it, before he grabbed him, banging his head against one of the chairs. _

_An hour later the brothers walked into their house looking a little worse for wear. Angel had two black eyes and Bobby had one. Jerry's shirt was ripped and Jack had a split lip. They took a seat on the couch, letting out a sigh as Bobby turned on the tv. _

"_Sorry man..." Angel mumbled._

"_It's okay. Can't blame you for trying to find something better"_

_The fact that Angel didn't bother to answer showed that he actually was sorry for the mess he had caused. Jerry took off his ruined shirt after a laugh and Bobby turned to Jack._

"_How's the lip?"_

"_I've had worse"_

"_That's not what I asked is it?"_

_Jack sighed "It's fine. Stings. It'll be numb soon"_

_Bobby nodded and reached over to tussle Jack's hair "You did good Jackie. Got in some pretty good punches there, your fast. That's good"_

_Jack nodded, secretly thrilled at the words._

_The next morning Bobby was drinking his coffee when Jack stumbled in, looking like he was still asleep. _

"_What day is it?" His groggy voice made Bobby lower the newpaper, well, the sports section._

"_Saturday"_

"_Oh thank god" Jack slumped over the table looking like he was preparing to go back to sleep right there. _

"_Hey" Jack raised his head "Get some breakfast, were going out later"_

_Jack blinked "Where?"_

"_The forrest"_

_Jack shook his head, wondering if he had heard right "The forrest?"_

"_Yep"_

"_Why?"_

"_Target practice"_

_Was he still asleep? He thought he just heard Bobby say they were going to the woods for target practice._

"_Why? You already taught me how to handle a gun. You taught me when I was 12 Bobby, and I think your exact words were: Don't get any fucking ideas fairy. This is just for protection. If you even think about anything else I will know, and then I will kick your ass. Got it?"_

"_Course I remember. And that still fucking stands okay? I just think practice is good. So get something to eat while we wait for your brothers"_

_Jack sighed. He wasn't getting out of this one. He really jus wanted to sleep, but he could see that Bobby wasn't going to let that happen. _

_As for Bobby he was trying hard to push down the horrible feeling of unease when he pictured his little brother waving a gun around. It felt wrong. He just didn't know what else to do. This was the world they lived in, and he would always protect Jack, even from himself. He had to know, he told himself. What if someone breaks in, and he's the only at home. What if he needs to defend himself, or Ma... I would regret not teaching him then, I know I would. But I'll always be here, he thought. Then his __thoughts turned to his close call with the police last month and steeled his resolve. What if he himself was in prison for some shit and was locked up for several months? No, he couldn't risk it. Jack had to learn, just in case. He would never forgive himself if something happened to him. _

**Well yeah. Not very funny. Still something is better than nothing right?**


	13. Words

**I have exams next week but I couldn't stop myself from writing this down when it came to me. The song is "What are words" by Chris Medina. I really recommend listening to it, not just because it fits so well with this chapter but because the song is great enough to bring tears to my eyes, and his voice is out of this world. So yeah, listen to it, I don't think you'll regret it. Also I am really happy I have some people following this story. It started as a dream in Anon's head, which she told me, and I thought it sounded fun to do, and now I'm thinking this is the most challenging and exciting story I've ever written. So thanks Anon :) I don't own four brothers. **

_Anywhere you are, I am near..._

_He had stopped screaming. Not because of will, but because his voice didn't carry anymore. He let out a small whimper and clutched his head. He tried to focus on the hand stroking his hair back and the voice whispering to him but the noise in his head drowned it out and he squeezed his eyes shut. Another wave of pain hit his body and he let out a soundless scream, his body jerking on the bed. He felt the hands trying to hold him down but he couldn't stop moving, the pain was so intense and he wanted to escape it, he had to escape it. He heaved and the hands guided him to the side of the bed and he felt the cold hard plastic of the bucket he had become familiar with hours earlier. He heaved again but nothing came, sobbing he clutched his stomach as the hole in it seemed to widen. The hand continued stroking his hair, coming to a rest at his cheek, it's familiarity a comfort. _

"_It's okay, it's going to be okay..."_

_He had stopped trying to hold back his tears hours ago. His shame at crying in front of his oldest brother gone when the pain didn't stop, only continued to come, and worse everytime. He had begged, pleaded and threatened with Bobby to help him, to save him, to just give him something, anything to take this pain away. He had told Jack that he couldn't, that he wouldn't, because this was what had to be done. He had explained it to him, even before, but Jack hadn't thought it would be like this. _

"_Please" His voice was raw, a result of hours of screaming "Please Bobby, just, just give me something, anything, please, I, I can't do this, not now, please I'll stop later I promise just..."_

_Had he been able to focus his eyes on Bobby's face he would have seen the look of sadness and regret as he shook his head, the guilt that was visible in every line on his face. But he only saw the move that meant 'no' and he let out a muffled scream._

_Anywhere you go, I'll be there, Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see_

"_Please..."_

_The hand continued it's stroking but this time he tried to push it away, his anger at being denied what he needed to stop this pain taking over._

"_Why are you d-doing this to me? You said you'd take care of me, that you never let anything..." His voice trailed off as he saw something move across the wall near him. He let out a gasp. _

"_I know" Bobby took a deep breath, trying to stay calm despite that the fact that his little brother was in pain. It hurt him more than Jack would ever know to see him like this. And it hurt because he knew what he was going through, knew how it felt when the walls closed in on you and the pain tore through your body. "I'm taking care of you Jackie" he whispered "You just need to get through this and then you'll be fine okay"_

"_I wont be" He sobbed out, eyes still following the shadow on the wall creeping closer to him "Can you see it Bobby?" His voice was that of a child and when Bobby looked at the wall where Jack pointed he sighed, seeing nothing._

"_It's in your head Jack, it's the drugs leaving your body that's messing with you, there's nothing there"_

"_It's coming for me..." _

_Outside Jack's room his other two brothers sat silently. Both wanted to escape the sound of Jack's screams and his pleas, but was at the same time unwilling to leave him, even if he couldn't see them. They had all agreed when Bobby said he would be the one to take care of Jack during his withdrawal. Evelyn had protested at first, insisting that it was her responsibility as Jack's legal guardian, but Bobby had stood his ground, and eventually Evelyn agreed, knowing it was better for Jack, and that Bobby could handle him better. _

_Evelyn was down in the kitchen, tears streaming down her face as she listened to her youngest son plead with Bobby to end this. _

_Jack tossed and turned, leaning his head against the cold rag against his forhead, the cold comforting against his hot skin._

"_Bobby..."_

"_I promise Jack. It'll be over soon"_

"_Don't leave, p-please d-dont leave" His words came out in a stutter, his teeth clattering._

"_Don't worry Jackie. I'll never leave, I promise"_

_The words comforted him, and when another pain hit and made his body spasm he tried to hold onto them. _

_How every single promise I'll keep, cause what kind of guy would I be, if I was to leave when you need me most?_

_It's the worst, watching the ones you love suffer Bobby mused a few weeks later when he watched Jack pick at his food in disinterest. The drugs had left his body, but had still to leave his head, and Bobby watched him constantly. He knew Jack was tired of him hovering around, but that couldn't be helped. Bobby knew how these things went, knew that even though the drugs had left him, the cravings had not. He knew Jack wanted another hit, knew that if an oppurtunity prsented itself he would take it. And Bobby would make sure that didn't happen. He didn't watch his little brother scream in pain just for him to start using again. _

_And I know an angel was sent just for me, and I know I'm meant to be where I am_

_Jack sighed as he took his plate to the sink, feeling the eyes of his family on him as he left the room and went out the back door to sit on the stairs, much like Bobby and Angel had done when they waited for him that night. He waited, and sure enough the door opened and Bobby took a seat beside him. They sat in silence for some time. Bobby waited, he knew Jack wanted to talk, but it was best to wait for him to think it through first. _

_Jack focused his eyes on the pile of leaves he and Jerry had gathered that morning with the intent of cleaning up the backyard. As he watched a wind blew by, taking some of them with it. They spun in the air, like a dance, and Jack wondered if he had finally lost his mind. _

"_I saw them"_

_Bobby didn't need him to tell him who. He had been with Jack all the time during his withdrawal, only leaving to use the toilet or grab a sandwitch. And during those few minutes Angel or Jerry had watched him. He knew who he was talking about, since Jack had pleaded with them to leave him alone._

"_It wasn't real Jack" His words were meant to be a comfort, but he didn't know if it was._

"_I know. But it seemed like it"_

_Bobby nodded, remembering how he tried to keep Jack from harming himself, how he had scratched at himself until he left blood behind, staining his skin. Remembered how he pleaded with him to end it._

"_I hated you" Jack whispered the words as if he were ashamed of them._

_Bobby sighed and draped his arm over Jack's shoulders, feeling them shake lightly, he pulled him closer to his side "I know". Jack kept his eyes on the ground even as he leaned into Bobby, feeling secure beside him. "It's okay"._

_And it was. _

_What are words, if you really don't mean them when you say them? What are words, if they're only for good times, then they don't? _

**That was Jackie's drug addiction coming to an end. At least for now, who knows where my crazy mind might take him he. Hope you liked it even though it's slightly song-fic-ish. I couldn't resist, as usual lol. **


	14. AUTHORS NOTE

**Just managed to fix my computer but it seems that most of the things I've written is gone, don't know yet, might be able to fix that. Anyway I just wanted to let you know in case you didn't see the note in my profile explaining the delay. I've been like a crazy person not being able to write so I used the old fashioned pen and paper lol. I'll get to work on the next chapter, I hope to have it up before the weekend, but if not, then this weekend for sure! Thanks for hanging in there, big hugs to everyone who did.**


	15. Face Down

**Sorry about the computer problems peeps, really annoying. But now that's fixed, I'm not sick anymore and I have some great ideas for the brothers, really hope you'll like it! Also, nice to know your name Lucy :) Well then, lets go see what happens here! I would also like to add that as much as I like that Bobby kissed Jack's rosary, well at least I thought it was the one Jack wore when he died in the movie? I don't want Jack to do the same. I'll explain why later if you want? I don't own four brothers. **

Some days feel different than others. There's just something in the air that is different, unusual, something that signals that this day is not like the others, this day, something is changing. If one believes in fate, I guess you could call it that. It's in the wind whispering in your ear that it's time, now, this is it, your time has come. It's in the faint sound of a bird, chirping his melody, the sound sounding broken and hollow. It's in the white that surrounds you now, like a foreshadowing of what is to come. Everything is familiar and at the same time different, but most of all you feel the change in your heart. You know that whatever happens next is going to change everything, change you, change the way you thought about life, death, and everything in between, forever.

In the middle of the white abyss the brothers stood, waiting. They didn't speak. All that had to be said had been said, and there wasn't enough time for all that they wanted to say. They had planned and they had plotted, now it was all up to fate.

For so many years he had believed that his fate had been handed to him by the many brutal forms his attackers had taken. At first he didn't understand how fate could be so cruel, but then Evelyn found him and it seemed fate smiled at him. Now he wondered if it just hadn't been another cruel trick, to make him care and then take everything from him. But now... Now for the first time he felt sure. This was his fate, whatever it meant, he knew that today was the day that everything would change. _Everything has already changed... _Jack blinked. His eyes felt dry. He took a deep raspy breath, it felt like he was suffocating. In the distance two cars were approaching fast and he tensed. For a fleeting moment he thought he felt a familiar touch on his shoulder, _Jackie... _He sighed, but let the touch warm him, even though it was most likely the pain in his shoulder causing him to imagine things. _It's not to late... _The touch left and he felt the cold seep into the previous warm spot.

"I'm sorry Ma..." The words left his lips only to be carried away by the wind before anyone heard them. He felt a small twinge of guilt as he saw Evelyn's face in his mind. She wouldn't have wanted this. She didn't want to die either, he told himself. Shot to death shopping for Thanksgiving, dying alone in a dirty aisle in a store, not knowing why. Or did she know? When she faced them, faced that gun, did she know? He wondered if she knew what would happen after, if she thought about them. He hoped she did. He hoped she pictured them, fighting for her, because they owed her, but most of all because they loved her. Because she had loved them, when no one else did.

Jack knew it had been to late the moment the bullets had hit Evelyn. What happened after was bound to happen, all up to the point where he opened the door. Jack knew he was supposed to have died that day, knew it as sure as he loved his family, but Bobby had stepped in front of fate and changed it, and now, now it was time pay it all back.

Angel had done things in his life that he regretted. He had seen things that he wished he could wipe from his thoughts, from his dreams. The army had taken him in and honed his skills. He had already killed before he joined, knew the feeling that came with taking someones life, but they had taught him things he would need to know in war, and this was war. As personal as it could be. His mother. His brother. For as long as he had been a Mercer this had been their way. If someone takes a strike at one of them you strike back, all of them, hard. Because if you took a swing at one of them you took a swing at them all. That was their way and Angel had lived alone enough to know what it meant to have a family who loved you no matter what.

Jerry was burdened by guilt. The same guilt he saw in Jack's eyes, and even in Angel's. In his mind his foolishness had cost him his mother and seriously wounded his brother. It plagued him. Despite what Bobby had thought he never would have backed down from this fight if it came to it. Even though he had a wife and two children now he would never turn his back on his family when they needed him. Sweet had taken a lot from him, his dreams and his mother, he wouldn't let him take Bobby or anyone else. He thought about how he had asked Bobby to drop it, to let the police handle it, to stop the madness he could see in his oldest brothers eyes but it didn't help, and now he knew. Now he understood Bobby more than he ever had before.

The two cars came to a stop and Evan and his boys exited from one as Sweet emerged from the other. The big group with Sweet in the front came to a stop a few feet away.

Sweet looked at Jack and his eyes drifted to his right arm, taking in the awkward angle he held it in. Glancing up his eyes met Jack's and he was struck by how cold they were. The kid couldn't be more than 19. Not that it mattered to him. He wanted money. The Mercer's had it. Simple. If he was honest with himself he also wanted order. He wanted things to be how they had been before the Mercer brothers came back into town again. He noticed the way they stood close together, not touching, but close enough, and for a brief moment he was jealous. The only family he knew had met his end on this very ice by his hand. Not that he regretted it, he didn't, not for a second.

"So, Bobby couldn't make it huh?"

They all tensed, waiting for the explosion. When it didn't come, everyone was surprised. Sweet's eyes was once again drawn to the youngest, Jack. This time his eyes weren't cold. They were burning, and for a moment he stood transfixed watching the fire that burned in those blue eyes. He tore his eyes away for a second to gather his thoughts but then turned back again, as to not show weakness.

"Jack is it? What happened to your arm kid? Don't tell me. Big brother saved the day?"

"How about we get down to business, Vic" Jerry spat.

"Right right, the business. You want me" he gestured to himself "to pardon you and your brothers and forget that the name Mercer ever crossed my mind, is that it?"

"I've paid my dues don't you think. I buried my mother"

"Ah lets not forget about Bobby boy in the hospital" As he watched they all tensed "Oh don't worry. I know he's heavily guarded, he's safe, as long as there's money in that bag"

Jerry tossed the bag at his feet and Sweet bowed down and opened it, his greedy eyes taking in the money with ill concealed delight.

"This is what I'm talking about. You should have done this from the beginning, this could have been a sweet deal for both of us, now it's just a sweet deal for me" His eyes glinted in the light from the snow and Jerry knew, had he come alone he would have been dead already.

"Well you see, we decided to sweeten the deal so to speak, and give your poor underpaid workers a raise, and they all agreed that it was well earned"

Sweet laughed "Evan, pistol" When the gun didn't land in his hand he shook his hand for effect and Evan stepped forward, into his line of sight.

"No bitch. Remember I was in the union for a very long time. I never missed a meet"

"He aint lying" Jerry agreed.

As Sweet looked on his workers gathered around him and he felt rage rise at the betrayal.

"You're all dead men"

"I think we're past the point of caring" Jack's cold voice made Sweet focus his gaze on him. When he had his attention he met Sweet's gaze. He could feel the hate burn in his veins alongside his rage, but he managed to push it back, underneath the surface.

Not for the first time today Sweet regarded the young man before him with barely hidden interest. He looked so young, not like his brothers who all had that look in their eyes, the one that didn't hide any innocence at all, but this one... Oh he could tell he had had it tough. He knew enough about all of the Mercer's to know that. He knew the youngest, Jack, was not quite like his brothers, but looking into his eyes now, he wondered if he hadn't seen that same look he had in his eyes on someone else, someone he hadn't seen for a very, very long time. Bobby Mercer. His personal pain in the fucking ass. Well all the fucking Mercer's had been a pain for some time now. The fire in the young mans eyes told him that he wanted blood. Retribution for his pain. He knew all about that. It was his own search for retribution that had led him to sink his uncle underneath this very ice. Of course, money had also been a factor. He steeled his gaze as he held Jack's, he could feel the hate radiate from him in waves and knew that he had to watch him"You know what you're doing kid?" He murmured, the soft voice not quite hiding the malice "This isin't a game you walk away from". As the kid smiled he felt a shiver despite himself, something in that smile felt cold enough to chill him, he didn't know why.

"I'm not playing. And no one is walking"

Maybe he had misjudged him. He could feel the panic but pushed it down, he still had a card to play. "You're all stupid little fuckers aren't ya. I've told Fowler all about his meet" He glared at his former workers "Kill me, and you're all done for. You're going down for murder boys. He's probably on his way right now".

A chuckle made him focus his gaze on the youngest again "Oh, he's not coming".

An hour earlier...

Angel was standing long before anyone had time to even register any movement. Jerry figured it was a perk from his marine days. At the sight of Fowler in the doorway Jack and Jerry also stood, their hands reaching, but the the gun in Fowler's hand stilled their movements.

"Well look at this, all the birds gathered around. What is that saying? Two birds with one stone?"

"The fuck you on about boy. The meet isin't yet" Angel spat.

"Oh I know. You might be able to fool Sweet, but I'm not that gullible boys. I've been a cop for a long time now, I know the drill"

"Your no fucking cop" Jerry said, his voice icy.

"Whatever" Fowler rolled his eyes "Now, what we're gonna do is this, I'll bring you to the meet, and then you'll leave the money with Sweet, and then we'll dump your bodies in the lake. How's that sound?"

No one answered and Fowler smiled "Yeah, good plan right"

"How you're gonna explain this to the rest of the force then Fowler?" Angel asked, stalling for time.

"Oh don't worry, I'm flying this one solo. Now, over to the wall"

The brothers obeyed, seeing no other choice. They put their hands on the wall, side by side, all of them struck by the thought that this was not a new position for them, all of them having been arrested several times before.

Fowler, cocky as he was, was not very smart. He had often prided himself to be. Choosing to work with Sweet instead of against him, thus earning him more money than other cops. But if he had been as smart as he thought he would never have let his guard down around a guy from the streets turned marine. While he was busy patting Jerry down Angel saw his chance and struck out, his elbow hitting Fowler in the face, causing him to rear back and flail the hand holding the gun around. Jerry turned quickly and pushed the hand in the air and kneed him in the stomach, making him drop to his knees and release the hold on the gun.

On his knees he gasped for breath, holding his stomach with one hand while other supported him. He glared up at the brothers who were now facing him.

**Sorry for leaving it like that! Or not ;) A little cliffie! What's going to happen to Fowler? A short chapter but I wanted to post something since it's been a long time since the last one, and the next chapter is probably going to be up tomorrow so it's not that long a wait :)**


	16. Blood

**This chapter is going to take a darker turn. I don't know yet if it's going to be one chapter or maybe two, but the timeline is from where the last chapter ended and uptil the meet, and that is one hour, though it may seem longer. Lucy: I agree, also thinking that Jack is 21-ish, because that fits the general idea that the brothers haven't seen each other for a few years when the movie starts, at least I get that feeling, mostly about Bobby, as Jerry says that he hasn't seen him for "God knows how many years", that could just be Bobby though. Though I think it fits Jack to be 19-21. I'm thinking that Johnny G has been letting him frequent his bar even though he's underage, as he knows the brothers. Well at least I like to think so lol. I admit I'm a bit unclear on the legal stuff as I'm not from the states, and here you can drink in bars when your 18 (but not buy alcohol in a regular store). I'm also in denial about the movie's end btw. Lalalala. I don't own four brothers.**

He was going to die. He knew that. He wasn't stupid enough to think otherwise. He was tied up in a basement. The basement owned by the men who knew he had planned to kill them. Yeah, he was done for. He didn't see his life flash before his eyes, he didn't see any of the so called wrong doings he had commited, didn't see any of the people who he had killed to protect his secret, the people he had killed because it had suited him. He didn't dwell on it though.

They were watching him. They stood together at the foot of stairs speaking in hushed tones. Probably discussing how to get rid of his body he imagined. Wouldn't be easy. That thought pleased him. He knew they were going down. You don't kill a police officer and don't get caught, not with this much loose ends, not even in Detroit.

He wondered which one it was going to be. Observing them silently through his right eye he took in their stance, trying to read them. His left eye itched from being swollen shut. He had received a punch from the second oldest, Jerry was his name, before they dragged him down here. The youngest pointed to him without taking his eyes from Angel's, obvioulsy not agreeing with what the older brother was saying. Angel stood his ground and Jack cursed and turned away, dragging a hand through his hair. He remembered meeting Jack when he and Green visited after the old lady's funeral. That was the first time he met the Mercer's. He remembered Green's words 'He's a Mercer. Don't let him fool you'. He could see how easy it was to be fooled by that young face, he almost had been himself, despite Green's warning. He just had that look of innocence about him. He could see it now though, the fire in his eyes, the tense stance, body tightly coiled, he had the look of a man who had tasted blood and wanted more. Needed more. But he didn't think it would be him. He could see that he wanted to though, with the way he was glancing at him from time to time, bloodlust in his eyes. Angel said something to Jack, it sounded final from the looks of it, but Jack didn't even glance at him, his eyes still locked on him. Angel grabbed his shoulder, taking care to avoid the wounded one. That must have happened in the shooting he thought. As he watched Angel finally got Jack to look at him. It seemed like he listened to whatever Angel said because when he was done he nodded. Angel continued to stare at him, and Fowler wondered if he too saw the defiance in Jack's eyes. He didn't have time to ponder that thought as Angel Mercer stepped away from his brothers and walked over to him, coming to a stop in front of him. He adopted that familiar look of non caring he had learned long ago and met his eyes, a slight smirk on his own. Angel's eyes tightened and he pulled up a chair and sat down in front of him. He cut right to the chase.

"Does he suspect?"

Fowler grinned. So that was how they were going to play it. He didn't answer, and he could see the fury rise in the ex-marines eyes.

"You know I've been trained for this right? I can go on for a long time..."

"Actually you can't, since you're meeting Sweet in a little less than an hour. I just have to sit here, keep quiet, and wait for your funeral"

"You forgot something" Angel coldly stated.

Fowler rolled his eyes "And what's that hot shot?"

"That we're four brothers, and only three here right now"

"Oh I know, the famous Bobby Mercer is in the hospital, hanging on to a thread, waiting to join his stupid mother" He laughed.

A blow to the head snapped his head to the side and made his ears ring. Angel was standing, a look of fury in his eyes, Jerry by his side.

"Watch your motherfucking mouth" Jerry snapped at him.

He spit out a tooth and some blood before he glanced up at them. In the corner of his eye he was surprised to see that Jack hadn't moved at all. He was still leaning against the wall, his eyes locked on him.

"Whatever" He laughed again.

Angel sat down again, body tense. Fowler could see that he wanted nothing more than to rip him to little bits and stomp on them.

"You're going to tell us everything you know, and you're going to do it now. If you don't... Well, it wont be fun. For you".

Fowler didn't speak, just stared at him with laughter in his eyes. Then his eyes were drawn to Jack who pushed away from the wall with a sigh.

"This is pointless. The fucker's to stupid to talk. I'm gonna go get ready"

The brothers watched as he walked up the stairs, slamming the door behind him as he went. Angel and Jerry looked at each other, a worried look in their eyes.

"Worried about lil bro huh?" Fowler's mocking voice made them turn back to him "I would be too. He's slipping. Soon he'll be out of reach..."

"Who the fuck asked you?" Angel snarled.

Fowler could see that he had struck a nerve and laughed gleefully to himself "Just saying. He's got that look you know" He leaned forward and lowered his voice to a whisper "He wants to kill".

When the blow came he wasn't surprised. He shook his head to clear it and looked into Angel's cold eyes. "He already have, hasn't he?"

Angel leaned forward so that he was inches from Fowler's smirking face "If I were you, I would worry about myself right now, cause you've pissed me off. You're not going to like what happens now".

Staring into the bathroom mirror Jack wondered who the person looking back at him was. He almost didn't see himself. He looked different. Or maybe he just felt different. He dragged his hands through his hair and for a moment he could almost hear Bobby's voice as if he was standing right beside him 'Don't worry little fairy, still as pretty as a doll'. Jack pushed the memory away and leaned down and splashed his face with cold water, enjoying the sting it caused. When he straightened up his eyes were drawn to the razor on the sink. For a few seconds he stared at it. He remembered the feel of it against his skin, the sting, the feel of blood running down his arms, the pain, the relief. His hand shook when he reached for it, but when he felt the plastic in his hand he steadied it. Rolling up the sleeve of his hoodie slowly he looked down at the leather covering his wrist. He unclasped it and pulled it away slowly, revealing the old scars, faded with time, barely visible, but right now they burned.

Holding his breath he lifted the razor and placed it gently against his skin. He pressed a little, and felt the pressure build inside him. He pressed a little harder, and there it was. He closed his eyes as the familiar feeling of pain, release and blood slowly running along his arm swept through him. The pain in his heart pushed back, he focused on this pain, the one he could control, the one who didn't break him. The one who didn't make him want to die.

Suddenly he saw Bobby's sad frown in front of him and his eyes snapped open, the razor falling into the sink as he dropped it like it had burned him. Exhaling he looked down at his arm and the blood staining the sink, the red standing out harshly against the white. The bile rose in his throat but he managed to push it back as he reached for some paper towels and quickly and with well practiced ease pressed them against his wrist before wiping at the sink and letting the water run.

"You need to let Evan know" Angel murmured

Jerry sighed and glanced back at Fowler, still tied at the chair in the middle of the room "I know. But then I'll have to meet him. He thinks his phone's bugged"

"Could be" Angel shrugged.

"Possibly. Or he's just paranoid. With good reason" he added.

"We'll be fine" Angel knew Jer was worried, hell they all were.

"I know. It's just..." Jerry trailed off, glancing towards the stairs.

"Hey" He looked back at Angel "It'll be fine. You just worry about yourself out there, don't take any risks, and ask Evan to meet close by"

"I will" Jerry nodded and gave Angel a hug.

Angel hugged him back hard, then lightly punched him in the shoulder "Wuss" he grinned.

"Hey shut up, I can still kick your ass"

"Prove it" Angel's grin spread.

"Oh I will, as soon as this is settled I'm going to kick your ass into next week"

Angel laughed loudly, ignoring the confused look Fowler shot him "I'll hold you to it"

As Jack pulled his hoodie over his head it stuck in his necklace. Freeing it and pulling the hoodie the rest of the way off he felt the cold against his chest and glanced down. Lifting his good arm he gently touched the rosary resting against his chest and sighed. _This one's for you..._

Opening his eyes he reached for a black shirt and pulled it on, dragging the sleeves down to cover the bandage at his wrist. He pulled on the necklace, letting it hang visble outside his shirt. Taking one look at the spots of blood that stained the bottom of the hoodie he tossed it into a corner of his room. He almost walked right into Jerry at the foot of the stairs, lost as he was in his own thoughts.

"Hey"

"Hey, where you going?"

"I have to meet Evan, tell him what's going on. You'll be okay?"

He saw Jerry eye his shirt, a frown on his face, but before he could ask Jack spoke "I'll be fine" Jerry sighed, that seemed to be Jack's standard answer. Always had been.

"You sure?" At Jack's nod he continued "What happened to your shirt?"

"Got wet when I was cleaning up" Jack was almost surprised by how easy the lie rolled off his tongue.

Jerry nodded and made a move to hug him. He noticed Jack stiffen and slowed his movements. Jack relaxed and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around him.

"Sorry" Jack mumbled.

"Don't worry about it" Jerry drew back and looked at him, a searching look on his face.

"Be careful" Jack spoke so softly that Jerry almost didn't hear him.

"I will, don't worry"

Jerry looked at his little brothers face. Something was different. What he didn't know, but it left an uneasy feeling in his stomach "Maybe I should stay..."

Jack cut him off swiftly "Hey, no, I'm fine. Really, I mean it. Don't worry about me okay, I'll be fine"

Jerry nodded again, an unsure look on his face. He glanced at the watch. He had to go "Be careful"

Jack nodded "You too".

Angel's patience was beginning to wear thin and he wanted nothing more than to take out his gun and place one right in the middle of Fowler's mocking eyes.

"I'll ask you again, this time if you don't answer all this will seem like a mothers loving touch, got it?"

Fowler glowered at him, his face a swelling mess of blue and purple. The good news was that Angel was holding back, not wanting him in such a bad shape that he wouldn't be able to answer his questions. The bad news was that he was sure that wouldn't continue on for much longer.

"Angel!"

Jack's voice rang out and Angel looked towards the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"Sofi's on the phone"

Angel cursed harshly "Tell her I'll call her back later"

"I tried. I told her you were busy but she wont listen"

"What the hell does she want?"

"Don't really know man, she goes on about some other woman"

"What other fucking woman?"

What the fuck was she on about now. Keeping Sofi happy was a full time job, and even if he wanted to, Angel would never have the energy for another one.

"How the hell would I know? She says she's coming over if you don't speak to her"

"Fuck!"

Angel stood and kicked the chair he was sitting on away. Fowler snickered through his busted lip.

"You on a tight leash eh Mercer?"

"You" Angel pointed to Fowler "Shut the fuck up before I put one in that small brain of yours"

He checked Fowler's restraints before stomping up the stairs and snatching the phone from Jack's hand, who was only to happy to be rid of Sofi's screeching voice in his ear.

"Baby, I'm busy. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Wrong with me? Oh I bet you're busy Angel, real busy!"

"Baby..."

Angel walked into the kitchen and sat down with a heavy sigh. Sofi's voice was loud enough for anyone to hear even though the cordless phone was pressed tightly against his ear.

"Who is she Angel?"

Maybe Bobby had been right...

The sound of the door opening slowly before closing with a soft click alerted him to the fact that he wasn't alone anymore. Fowler raised his head and looked towards the stairs as the slow footsteps came closer. When they had reached the foot of the stairs he strained his eyes to see better. A slow disgusting smile spread across his face.

"I've been waiting for this"

Jack leaned back against the wall beside the stairs, a calm look on his face "Not as long as I have".

**Well? Are you feeling the suspense? Lol kidding. Hope you liked it though :)**


	17. To be

**Yep, Jack is off the rails. How far is he gonna go? Is there really anything stopping him from going all the way? Lucy, I know I'm evil lol. I'll think about posting, I promise. Thank you for all your support! It's an amazing thing, to write something that someone else really enjoys. It's a great feeling. Thank you. And thanks to everyone else too that's following us on this journey with these characters. I don't own four brothers. **

Jack calmly grabbed the chair Angel had kicked to the side and sat down in the same position Angel had. He leaned back and regarded Fowler silently, who hadn't stopped smirking.

"We don't have much time. I'm going to ask you a few questions, if I were you I'd answer them".

Fowler's smile didn't falter "Or what?"

Jack's relaxed posture didn't change. He regarded Fowler with a cold fire in his eyes that seemed almost unnatural, and for the first time since he had entered the Mercer's house Fowler felt unsure. There was so much hate in those blue eyes, still he was so calm. As he watched the youngest Mercer slowly reached behind his back and without taking his eyes from his he slowly revealed a knife.

Fowler glanced down at the knife, it seemed old, but still in good condition, no doubt had it been handled with care. He looked up and met Jack's eyes again.

"And what? You'll cut me open is that it? Torture the answers out of me? Newsflash kid, your brother tried, didn't work"

"Oh I know" Jack let out a little laugh "Angel's careful. He dosen't want to hurt you to badly since he's afraid your not going to be able to tell him what you know...I don't care about that. I don't really care if Sweet know that he's not living through this day, I just don't care"

"What do you care about then?" Fowler snarled out through his busted lip, the kid was making him nervous in a way he hadn't been for some time.

"You know the answer to that question"

Of course he did. He had known that the kid would try to find some way to get to him, had seen it in the way he was eyeing him, face calm but eyes burning with hate, the thirst for revenge visible in his young face. Pushing away the feeling of unease that had settled over him he tried to gain the upper hand.

"What do you think you can do to me, to make me talk, when your brother, the ex-marine, never stood a chance?"

To his surprise the kid changed the subject.

"You've read my file right? I mean, you were Green's partner, and when we came back into town he must have told you to do your homework?"

Fowler nodded, his face guarded. Where was he going with this.

"I figured. Never left anything to chance, not even when I were a kid. Course dosen't matter now that you've killed him"

Finally. He could see where he was going with this. Did they think he was stupid? Fowler laughed.

"Oh so that's it. You trying to get me to confess, is that it? Well good luck with that"

Jack eyes didn't leave his face "I don't care about your confession"

"Really?" Fowler asked with a snort, not believing him.

"My file. You know then how I grew up, how my life was like before the woman you helped murder saved me?"

"Is there a point to this?"

"The point is, that you can never know what kind of pain that hurts the most, if you haven't lived through it yourself" He saw Fowler stiffen slightly "And I would know right?"

"Is this the poor abused boy speaking, crying for his Mama to come home?" Fowler spat on the floor and took notice of how Jack's eyes tightened "Don't worry kid, you'll see the old lady soon".

For a brief second he saw the pain Jack tried so hard to hide shine through in his eyes, and he glowed with triumph before a searing pain caused him to gasp, and let out a choked scream. Glancing down at the source of his pain he found the knife, deeply imbedded in his thigh, Jack's hand still wrapped tightly around the handle. He looked up, eyes watering and painfilled noises escaping his mouth despite his best efforts.

"You don't talk about my mother"

Angel wanted to beat his head against the table until he passed out. He tried once again to interrupt Sofi, all the while knowing it was pointless.

"Baby please, I have no idea..."

"Shut up! Just shup up! Lying bastard! If you don't tell me Angel I swear I'll find her, and rip her ugly hair off and send it to you!"

Angel sighed and shook his head "Sofi..."

"Shut up!"

Fowler wheezed out a chuckle "How about I call your brother down here huh? Think he would be happy to see ya here?"

Jack shrugged "Go ahead, sing your heart out" He smirked a little at that "He wont hear you, on the phone with his girl" He slowly gripped the handle of the knife tighter and slowly dragged it out, enjoying the look of pain on Fowler's face and the way he pressed his eyes tightly shut "I want to talk about Sweet, and this time I want you to answer"

He placed the knife on the floor beside him and lit a cigarette "Well?"

Fowler thought about his options. The kid was clearly unhinged, and he didn't really have any loyalty to Sweet, he was loyal to money, that was all there was to it, but it bothered him a lot, to give the kid the information. Appaerently he took too long to answer and Jack leaned forward again, this time pressing the burning end of his cigarette against the base of his throat. He couldn't hold back the scream building up inside him.

The smell of burnt flesh should have disgusted him, but somehow it didn't. Maybe because this time it wasn't his own. He watched as Fowler tugged on his restraints, trying in vain to get loose. Jack already knew it was futile. He pressed a little harder, and watched as he tried to twist away from the burning. Jack glanced down at his leg and saw that the bleeding was pretty serious. He leaned back, taking the cigarette away from the burnt skin. This was going too fast, and still not fast enough. It was only a matter of time before one of his brother's came back.

"He dosen't know!" Fowler wheezed out

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

When he met Fowler's eyes he was happy to see the pain that was present there, and the fear. It felt good. But it wasn't enough, his chest was still too tight and his heart ached like it was bleeding openly, the guilt still made his soul scream in agony.

"_Your a Mercer now Jack, from now on you're one of us. We're your brothers"_

Without warning he struck out, his fist making contact with Fowler's face, breaking his nose with a crunch. He looked down at the blood staining his hand, the forgotten cigarette landing in the pool of blood gathering beneath Fowler.

He tore his eyes away from the blood to focus on Fowler who was gasping in pain. "I want you to know something".

He could see that Fowler tried to speak, but wasn't able to form the words. He was losing blood quickly.

"I really wish that I had all the time in the world to do this, cause I could stay here forever, if it meant I got to see the pain on your face the whole 'll die here. With no one here besides you and me. Look at me!" He snapped when Fowler's head rolled to the side.

"Sofi. Baby. I would never do that to you! I don't know where you get all your shit from girl!"

"You don't talk to me like that Angel, you promised! You said this was going to be different, but you just lie! Just like before, always lies with you"

"I'm not lying! What is up with you baby? If you'd just tell me..."

Angel's pleas were interrupted by a long stream of spanish words. He sighed and glanced out into the livingroom, where the hell did Jack go? He needed some help here.

To be or not to be. To live or die. To kill... or not to kill. Everything we do is a choice. We make them based on what we think is right, what we want, or simply what we need. Where our choices may lead us is everyone's guess. We can find comfort in the knowledge that the choice we made was the right one, the only one we had, but sometimes there's no comfort to be had. Sometimes all that's left is pain, and the lingering thought that maybe it's all too late anyway.

"I wish..." Jack's voice trailed off.

Fowler hadn't dared take his eyes from the kid's since he had snapped at him not to, the pain of the cigarette pressing in different places against his arm to vivid to ever forget even if he lived for 50 more years, which he knew he wouldn't. The kid's voice, just minutes ago hard and demanding, was now lost, like he'd lost his footing.

"That you had more time. I know" He tried to sound tough, but he knew it came off weak, hell _he _was weak. He was dying. He could feel it. He thought he saw the kid smirk, but it was gone so fast he couldn't be sure. Fuck he was surprised he could still see at all.

"I wish I could have been more like him"

Fowler felt something very close to sympathy in that moment. He would never say it, would never have admitted it, but he did. He didn't regret his actions. Why should he? He had always gone his own way, not caring about others. He wasn't sorry about that. Just the fact that he felt something other than hate for the one who tortured him would have disgusted him, if he wasn't too tired to care. And he knew who he was talking about but he asked anyway.

"Your brother? Bobby?"

Jack nodded, seeming to be in his own world, but then his eyes met Fowler's. "I let him down".

"The shooting?"

Another nod, more pain in those blue eyes that he couldn't help but find himself transfixed by.

"He saved my life" Again and again and again.

"You were shot?" Of course he was. It had been Sweet's plan afterall. He didn't know if it would play out that way, but taking out the youngest Mercer would have been a plus. Even if all the others made it, they would never have gotten over that loss. Of course, Sweet had never planned for any of them to live that long anyway.

"And then he pushed me down, shielding me. He was shot saving me".

"Yeah, guess he loves you huh" Fowler wondered if he heard the bitter tone his voice suddenly held. No one had ever loved him enough to die for him. Shit, he had never loved anyone to die for them in return either.

"I love him. He's my brother" I can't live without him. I won't.

Fowler guessed it was pretty simple when you thought of it like that. He groaned as he tried to move his injured leg, the numbness that had been spreading gone for the moment.

Jack watched him. "I don't know if my mother knew why she was being killed. I want you to know, that I'm holding you responsible. You handed her to Sweet"

"And Sweet?"

"He tried to kill my brothers. He almost killed my brother. He's going to die" All this was said in a calm tone.

"Your going to kill him then?"

"I will"

"If he dosen't kill you first"

"There's a big difference between him and me" Jack met his eyes with a look in his eyes that sent shivers down his spine "He wants to live. I don't care if I'm going down with him".

_These memories are playing like a film without sound _

They regarded each other in silence.

Jack meant it. He felt it. His whole body ached with the thought of going on living for another second, but he knew he had too. He couldn't be weak now, not when he had been before, but as much as he ached he burned even more. His need for revenge raced in his veins and he couldn't see anything else than that. His heart ached with pain, his soul screamed in grief, but his blood... His blood demanded blood in return. He reached for the gun he had in his waistband.

Fowler glanced down at it then up again. He locked his eyes on Jack's. Strangely enough he felt calm, and he wanted to see his eyes when he killed him.

Jack kept his eyes on his as he stood up and with a simple gesture pushed the chair away with his leg. It fell and the sound echoed in the small room but neither cared. He raised his arm and leveled the gun at Fowler's head, his hand steady.

"I don't care about that! Baby I'm going to hang up, you don't trust me, you don't listen..."

"I trusted you Angel! But all the lies..." Sofi wailed.

Angel was seriously thinking of delivering himself to Sweet to end his misery. Was this how it was always going to be between them?

"I'm not lying! For fuck's sake Sofi, shut up for a second will ya?"

"You said this was going to be different Angel, you said that, and then Jack tells me of this girl, and I just know Angel, I just know that you're lying. How can you Angel? My mama always said you were no good but I didn't listen, no I didn't..."

Angel raised his head from where it had been resting against the table "What did you say?"

"Mama never liked you, never, but I told her you were a good man and..."

"Not that! What did you say about Jack?"

"At least he had some decency! How can you let me hear this from your brother Angel? Your brother? You can not even tell me yourself..." Sofi started crying.

Angel took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts. "Baby, please. I don't understand, what's Jack got to do with this?"

"He told me he saw another girl here Angel! With you!"

"What?"

"Don't you dare be mad at him Angel Mercer! He was doing me a favor!"

"What did he say?"

"Oh nothing special, but that a girl had been here, and that she knew you, he didn't give me any details but I know Angel, I'm not stupid!"

"Baby. It's not true I swear, I..." Angel shook his head.

"Why would he lie? He has no reason"

"I don't know I..." Angel trailed off and his eyes widened.

"Oh my god Angel, do you think he has a crush on me? I mean I've seen how he look at me..." Sofi was suddenly calm as she now thought of Jack's words as a reason to get her to break up with Angel. Of course that had to be it.

Angel dropped the phone and stood up just as a shot rang out.

**Don't hate me lol. I happen to like cliffies. Okay. This chapter was exstremely hard for me to write, and honestly I'm not completely happy with it. It was harder than I thought to keep Jack in character while doing something like this. I also wanted to make Fowler a bit more human at the end, have him and Jack talk somewhat, because I felt that it would make Jack's torture of him more, I don't know, deep? I wanted to show how far Jack's willing to go to get what he wants, or rather what he needs. The torture, lying to Sofi about Angel and so on. I wanted to show that he's willing to go all the way. Also I understand if someones confused about where he thinks the blame belong. In his mind, Fowler is the one responsible for Evelyn's death, as he ratted her out to Sweet, of course he knows Sweet is the ultimate culprit, but he holds Fowler as much responsible for her death as he holds Sweet responsible for Bobby being in the hospital, even though he blames Fowler for that too. I'll explain more in a few chapters. I hope you like this, even though I'm not sure if I do. The line "These memories are playing like a film without sound" is from a song called Graduation, with Vitamin C.**


	18. Changes

**Last chapter Jack really lost it. He's in a very dark place right now, and it's going to get worse before it gets better. Lucy, a wristband of shame lol. I myself am from Sweden, no wristbands of shame, though I'm sure there other unpleasant things here lol, like the cold. Thanks for the comment about the language! :) Some songs for inspiration has been "Gangsters Paradise" - Coolio feat L.V, "Mad World" - Tune Robbers, "Crash and Burn" - Savage Garden. I just love writing this story. Love that I sit in school thinking about where Jack is going now, yep, it's true, I do. Anyone missing Bobby? I know I am. Will have to do something about that soon. I don't own four brothers. **

Jack stared at the blood staining Fowler's shirt right over his heart. He looked down at his gun in confusion before slowly closing his eyes as he realized what had happened. Opening his eyes he stared into Fowler's lifeless ones, the feeling of being cheated made his throat tighten. He turned around slowly.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I didn't want you to"

"Not your choice to make"

"I'm your brother. I don't want you to destroy yourself Jack. I love you"

Jack pushed the gun back into his waistband angrily "Don't do that. Don't talk to me like I'm a child".

Jerry shook his head sadly. He wanted so badly to reach out to Jack, to hug him, but he knew that he didn't want that right now. He knew his brother well enough to know when not to touch him, and this was one of those times.

"I thought that door was locked" Jack spat out harshly.

"It was. I helped Ma clean out some stuff a few weeks ago" Jerry swallowed hard "I still have the key".

The door at the top of the stairs slammed open and the sound of running footsteps reached them. "Jack!" Angel shouted, his voice panicked, not having seen them yet. He stumbled down the last step, his gun in hand, and stopped at the sight of Fowler's dead body. His gaze turned to them and he quickly took in the fact that they seemed to be unharmed. He noticed the gun in Jerry's hand and let out a sigh of relief. "What the hell is going on here? And where did you come from?"

Jerry gestured to the other door, the one slightly hidden underneath the staircase, leading out the back. "Something felt wrong, I met with Evan and then I used the other door..." He glanced at Jack.

"Oh" Angel took a deep breath to calm himself. When he heard the shot he thought... He didn't know what he thought. He just knew that someone had fired a gun, and that he didn't know where Jack was. He looked at his little brother and saw the tense way he held himself, and the angry look in his eyes. He saw the blood on his hands, and finally, he took a closer look at Fowler. He was not a pretty sight. In silence he took in the gunshot wound, the stab wound in his thigh and a burn mark at his throat that had the same form as that of a cigarette, a closer look at his arm showed more of those marks. He turned and met Jack's eyes, the anger making them even more blue than usual, but it was the coldness, the absolute lack of remorse that scared Angel more than any gun pointed at him during his time in war ever had. "Jackie..." He trailed off and looked at Jerry, the helplessness shining through.

"Don't worry. Jerry's the one who shot him" Why was his throat getting tighter by the minute. Why couldn't he breath...

"And this?" Angel gestured at the stab wound and the burns "What is this then?"

"Sweet dosen't know about the plan"

"Sweet dos..." Angel looked at him in shock "You think I'm stupid? Do ya honestly think you can fool me into believing that the reason you did this was for information? Come on Jack..." he sighed sadly.

Jack dragged a hand through his hair roughly. "Why does it matter?"

"Jack"

"You shut up!" Jack pointed an accusing finger at Jerry "You had no right"

"I didn't want you to have to kill someone! Is that wrong? Wanting to protect my little brother?"

"This isn't someone!" Jack was suddenly furious, the anger that had been building erupted. "This is one of Ma's killers! One of them who took her from us! One of them who put Bobby in the hospital!

"Jack I know you're hurting but you need to listen to me..."

Jack's cynical laugh interrupted Angel. "Like you're one to talk. You remember those who killed Ma, Angel? The one's you and Bobby shot after we chased them down?" Why did it hurt so much to even say his name...

Angel's mouth snapped closed.

"That's not you Jack" Jerry's heart was breaking, just like his family was breaking. He felt tears gather in his eyes, but he didn't try to blink them away.

"It is now" Jack was calm again, his voice steady.

"Don't say that. Don't act like it dosen't effect you, it does, I know it does"

"I don't know what your problem is, he deserved everything he got and more" Jack gritted his teeth, why couldn't they understand? "Whatever I did, whatever he felt, it will NEVER even come close to this, to this pain..." He sucked in a breath.

"And the guard at the hospital?" Angel spoke up.

Jack shrugged. "They needed to buy the story, to be convinced that I was serious, it had to be done. He'll be fine".

"You don't know that" Jerry argued.

"It wasn't in the plan" Angel added

"It worked didn't it?"

"So that's how you wanna play it?" Angel asked "Whatever the cost?"

"Whatever it takes" Jack nodded, a grave look on his face.

"And if the cost is the loss of your soul, your peace of mind?"

In his own mind Angel saw the small child Jack had been. The kid who loved his guitar, who liked to help Ma cook, who followed Bobby around everywhere. He suddenly seemed so much older, so much harder.

"I don't care Angel".

Angel stared at Jack silently, wondering who this man was. Because it was a man, no longer a kid. He looked like his little brother, but it didn't feel like him. And Angel understood. Better than most, he understood. It didn't mean it didn't hurt. Cause it did. A lot. He's mind drifted to Bobby. If he were here right now he would have killed him. But Bobby wasn't here.

"What are we gonna do about this?" Jerry asked, interrupting the silent stare between his brothers "We can't take him with us" he gestured to Fowler's body.

They all looked at him. There was no way to hide the fact that he'd been murdered.

"I have a plan"

Jack and Jerry looked at Angel.

"This is some serious risky shit" Jerry remarked

"We don't have a choice. As soon as Sweet's gone they'll come looking for us, we can't have him around the house then" Angel pointed out, washing his hands.

"Nice job, with, uh, removing the bullet"

Angel grinned at Jerry "Ex-marine. Besides, it's not like I had to worry about hurting him"

Jerry nodded. "True"

Jerry moved so he was looking out the kitchen window. He saw Jack sitting on the backdoor steps, smoking, while staring in front of him, a blank look on his face. Jerry observed him silently. A hand on his shoulder made him jump.

"He just need some time" Angel spoke.

"He needs everything we don't have. Time, Ma, Bobby..."

"We need to watch him. He's losing it"

"I know" Jerry nodded sadly.

Angel looked at the clock. "Get him in here. It's time"

Jerry knocked at the window and gestured to Jack. A moment later he stood in the kitchen. He reached out and Jerry took a step forward, wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm sorry about before" Jack murmured.

"I know. It's okay. I'm sorry too"

"Ah you girls" Angel wrapped his arms around both of them.

Later while they stood on the white snow waiting, they all thought back to that moment. The calm before the storm.

**A short chapter to get it up to speed. I think we have finally arrived at the time for the meet? Dissapointed that Jack wasn't the one to kill Fowler? I'll explain my thought process later lol.**


	19. Promises

**Lucy, thank you so much! It means a lot to me since I'm always a bit insecure about the language thing. And I agree, it's really amazing how a movie can capture people like this, from all over the world really. It's truly amazing. Well, this is what you've been waiting for. Hope it lives up to the expectations lol. I don't own four brothers. **

He didn't expect to feel this way. To feel hurt. Betrayed. He always expected them to follow his lead. Some would later say he'd been stupid not see it coming, that he'd been so focused on his power that he didn't feel the hate growing underneath him. He knew how fickle people were, knew they'd do anything for money and power, just like he himself. He just never expected to be on the receiving end. Watching the people he surrounded himself with daily corner him,their intentions clear, he was almost confused. Hadn't he helped them? Employed them? And now they closed in on him like lions would a wounded animal. They smelled blood.

"Stop"

They all looked over at Jack Mercer. He stood with his brothers next to him a few feet away. They all seemed to understand the message hidden in that one word, because they backed away. The brothers stepped forward and for one second Victor thought he was doomed, but then everything changed again.

In a simple move Tommy hooked his arm around Evan's neck and pulled him backwards against his chest, a gun against his head. He turned so he had Sweet on one side and the brothers and the rest on the other.

"Nobody move"

Could it be, that at least one of his employes felt some level of gratitude towards him? Some kind of loyalty? If so, he wouldn't kill him for letting him believe he would die here on this ice. Well maybe he would, but it would be quick.

"Tommy..." Evan wheezed out "What are you doing?"

"Making sure I get paid"

Jack wanted to scream. He'd been _so _close. So close to getting what he needed. Tension was high in the air and he was about to snap. He tried to take a breath, to focus, but he couldn't see past the haze in front of his eyes.

"Take it easy Tommy, no one needs to get hurt" Jerry tried to reason. He couldn't hide the strain in his voice.

"You're not getting shit you two-faced rat" Angel spat, eyes cold.

"Where you gonna go? Look around you. Let Evan go and we'll let you walk" Jerry offered, his eyes meeting Evan's fearful ones. For all his big words Evan never wanted to be a hero, never wanted to die for a cause.

"Or..." All heads turned in unision to Sweet, who had a small smile on his face. "We can help each other out. You an me" Victor saw the wheels turning as Tommy took in the situation around him, he hadn't really thought this through, he, just like most men in this situation just wanted the money. He continued "Two's better than one. You're not getting far by yourself dragging that fat bastard along".

Tommy seemed unsure for a moment but then nodded causing Sweet to smile, victory glowing in his eyes.

Jack let out a growl and before anyone had time to react he had his gun aimed at Sweet's head.

"Easy" Tommy pressed his gun harder to Evan's face.

"Jack..." Jerry trailed off, glancing nervously at the gun directed at Evan.

"You think I care?" Jack couldn't hold back his anger anymore. You could almost hear it when the fragile hold he had over his self control snapped. Rage was pouring out from every fiber of his being and his eyes glowed with fire of a man possessed. "You think I care?"

Sweet took a step closer to Tommy and Evan but stopped when Jack's gun followed his movement.

"Take another goddamned step and I'll blow your head clean off"

"You wont. Cause then Tommy will shoot Evan. Or you".

"I wouldn't try it. It'll be the last thing you ever do" Angel didn't take well to his brother being threatened. "Still doing his bidding eh Tommy?" he asked with a sneer on his face.

"I just want the money. If he has to tag along for me to get it, then fine"

"Anyone else wanna join the winning team then?" Sweet asked, a cocky smirk on his face. Oh he would kill them, kill them all for betraying him, but not yet. Later, when he was safe. His smirk widened when John walked over to them to stand by his side. The others didn't move, probably realized that he would kill them anyway for betraying him.

"He'll kill all of ya" Seemed Jeremiah was thinking along those lines too.

"I have always rewarded those who are loyal to me" With a quick death for some... Victor inwardly smiled.

Angel slowly reached for his gun but stopped when Tommy glanced his way.

"Don't" He looked over at Jack "Drop it".

"Fuck you" Jack spat.

"I mean it!" Tommy was getting more and more nervous, this was not working out.

"So you can kill us? That's what you're gonna do right?"

"Jerry..." Evan coughed, Tommy's arm around his neck almost shutting off his air supply.

Tommy glanced at the bag of money a few feet away. He could almost feel the weight of it in his hand. He was so close to it.

Jack was almost shaking. He took a step forward only to have Tommy wave the gun in his direction before focusing on Evan again.

"Move again and I'll shot ya, and then Evan"

Jack laughed, a dark raspy sound. "What part of I don't care have you missed? As long as he's not breathing" He gestured to Sweet "I don't care how I leave this ice. Before you even have time to think of pulling the trigger he'll be dead".

Victor could see Tommy wavering, the stupid fool.

Angel and Jerry exchanged a look. They wouldn't let Jack risk himself like this. Angel took a step forward to stand by his side. "Jack".

"No"

That one word stopped whatever Angel was going to say next. All of a sudden it felt inevitable. All of it. They had tried so hard but it didn't matter now. It was too late to go back now, for all of them.

It happened quickly then. Tommy reached for the bag of money, Sweet saw his chance and pushed John at Angel who were the one closest, and they toppled over on the ice. In his quest to reach the money Tommy loosened his grip on Evan and Sweet once again reacted, making a grab for him. Jerry stepped forward to reach Evan but stopped in his tracks when Tommy pointed the gun at him instead. When the shot came Jerry closed his eyes, but opened them when he didn't feel anything. He met Tommy's eyes just as he fell over, clutching the hole in his chest. He looked over at Jack and met his eyes with gratitude in his own. A glance back told them that Angel had John in a headlock. Those short seconds were enough.

"Don't move".

During the short time their attention had been directed elsewhere Sweet had grabbed Tommy's gun, and Evan once again found himself with a gun to his head. The bag of money now lay at Sweet's feet. Jack glared at the remaining men who seemed almost frozen by the events. He steadied his arm, his gun once again pointing at Sweet.

"Please..." Evan was almost sobbing.

"Shut the fuck up" Sweet snapped. He looked over at Jack, a cruel smile on his face. "Missed your chance Mercer".

Jerry didn't know what to do. In his mind he saw Evan as he had been, a young man like himself, fighting for something they believed in. Talking about their hopes and dreams for the future, all the things they wanted to change. He saw Evan's wife, his kids. Jack had saved Jerry, now it seemed like Evan was going to pay the price. All this death was breaking him.

Sweet saw the way Jerry was looking at Evan and smiled, the cruelty almost glowing from him. "Oh that's right. You know each other right? Friends?" Suddenly Tommy grabbing Evan made more sense, and the Mercer's reaction to it. He had obviously known what Victor himself had suspected since the day he and Evan talked about the Mercer's.

When no one answered he chuckled lightly. "Yeah. I thought so. You're going to let us go, and don't follow us, if you do..." He trailed off, his meaning clear. He reached down and grabbed the bag, careful to keep his gun on Evan the whole time.

"You're not going anywhere" Jack stepped forward.

"One move Mercer, and you'll be cleaning up Evan's brain for a week"

"You'll be dead. That's all I care about"

"Jack" Evan gasped out.

"Yeah Jack. Thought this was your friend?" Sweet mocked "Too far gone to remember?"

Jack met Evan's eyes, his own cold. "You worked with him. Maybe you even knew about what he planned to do to Ma, and to us. The way I see it, you're at fault too"

"No, I..." Evan shook his head, eyes wide.

"So go ahead, I don't care. But when you're done it's my turn"

Sweet's grin had slipped. He had misjudged the youngest Mercer and now he was in a tight spot. This was all going to hell. He didn't doubt his words. He could see he meant them.

Angel came to stand beside them, his gun in hand. Jack didn't have to glance behind him to know that John had been taken care of. He knew Angel.

"Jack" Jerry's voice shook.

"No" Jack knew what he wanted, and he wasn't going to do it. He couldn't. Not now. Not when he was so close.

Jerry looked at Evan.

"_Here ya go"_

_Jerry looked up as Evan handed him his coffee. "Thanks man"._

"_No problem. How's it going with Richards?"_

"_Oh you know, stubborn old fool. Dosen't want to listen to anything besides his own voice" Jerry sighed._

"_We need to get his attention" Evan mused._

"_Don't tell me you're thinking of that fire bomb thing again, if so I'm never leaving you and Bobby alone in the kitchen again"._

_Evan laughed. "Don't worry. Wasn't even thinking of it"_

"_Thank God. You never know" Jerry laughed._

"_Yeah... that man really loves fire dosen't he?"_

"_Way too much" Jerry nodded._

"Back off. Now!" Sweet barked out, as Jack was inching closer.

"_Hey Jerry"_

_Jerry looked up from the paper spread on the kitchen table and focused on Evan sitting across from him. _

"_You know me an Muriel been together for a while now an all..."_

"_Yeah?" Jerry grinned_

"_Well Muriel's pregnant. I'm going to be a dad" Evan's grin was so wide it lit up the whole room. _

"_Congrats man!" Jerry stood up and slapped him on the back._

"_What the fuck are you all so cheery for?" Bobby asked, stumbling in to the kitchen, Jack trailing along behind him. Still afraid to be around strangers if Bobby wasn't around. _

"_Evander just told me he's going to be a dad"_

_Bobby rolled his eyes and made Jack a sandwitch before pouring himself some coffee."Your funeral. Come on Jackie, there's a game soon". _

_Jack cast Evan a look before following Bobby. _

_Jerry shook his head. "I'm happy for ya man"_

"_Thanks" Evan smiled._

"Jack please"

Jack didn't move, his eyes were still locked on Sweet. He shook his head. He was sorry. Not for Evan, but for Jerry.

The seconds dragged on as everyone waited. A hand on his arm made him flinch before he realized it belonged to Jerry. He tore his gaze from Sweet's face to meet Jerry's eyes. The tears in them made his heart clench despite himself.

"Don't ask me to do this" _I can't. _His voice was low, the torment and pain audible for everyone.

And Jerry understood. He knew what it would cost his brother, but he couldn't not ask. He didn't want to think about what would happen to Jack if he let Evan die. Jack thought he didn't care. Jerry knew better. And it was still Evan. Evan, his old friend, Muriel's husband, father of their kids. "I'm asking you, Jack please..."

Their eyes held and Jack saw the fear and the pain. He couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand knowing he was causing that look in his brother's eyes. Jerry who had never done anything but love him. Despite the fact that every cell in his body screamed at him not to, despite the fact that his blood pumped wildly through his heart, screaming for vengeance, he lowered his gun. He saw gratitude in Jerry's eyes, and he wished he could feel something other than this deep disappointment that overwhelmed him.

"Smart move" Sweet backed away, Evan in front of him like a shield, but he stopped when he noticed that his former workers once again blocked his way. "Move" he spat out.

They didn't and Jerry's eyes widened. "Let him through".

"Sorry. Can't let him go. He'll hunt us down, and besides, we were promised some payment" One of them spoke.

"Move. Or Evan is a dead man" Sweet threatened.

"Sorry Evan" Rick spoke "But you know how it goes"

And it was then, right there in that moment, that Victor Sweet finally saw the light. It wasn't the kind of light some people claimed you were supposed to walk right into, to get where you were supposed to go, no, this was the kind of light that opens your eyes to the facts, that lets you know in no uncertain terms that this is it. This is the end of the line. He was never leaving this place alive. In a way he was sad, but the anger he felt overshadowed everything else. His eyes swept over the Mercer's standing close together. He sneered. He wanted so badly to kill one of them, to make them hurt, but he knew they would kill him the second he lifted the gun from Evan's head. He looked at Evan, whose eyes were focused on Jeremiah Mercer.

He felt some kind of vindication as he saw the look on the Mercer's face when he moved Evan a bit to the side and pulled the trigger.

For a moment they were all frozen in shock, eyes glued to Evan as he dropped to the ice, blood quickly forming a twisted sort of halo around his head.

Someone pushed him back and knocked the gun from his hand, and they all scrambled to reach the money. He watched as Jeremiah fell to his knees beside Evan, and then someone pushed him again, away from the others. Looking up he saw Jack Mercer's eyes glowing at him before a sharp hit made his head snap to the side. He straightened up and came back with a right hook to the kid's face. From the corner of his eye he saw Angel Mercer move towards him, gun in hand and a look of hate in his eyes, but the kid gestured at him to stop, and he did. They faced each other again, this time circling each other. He tried to get close, but the kid was careful not to get him too close, he managed to get a hit to the ribs in and the kid took a step back, leaving him open for a punch to the face. He came back with a hit that made Victor see stars. His head spun but he turned and landed an elbow to the kid's wounded shoulder.

Jack gasped and clutched his shoulder. He felt the warm blood on his fingers and suddenly he was back in that snow, on his knees in the middle of the street in front of the house he grew up in, facing that gun. He heard Bobby yell his name and remembered his body shuddering as the bullets hit him. It was enough. When Sweet came at him again he was ready. If there was one thing Jack knew it was how to fight back from the ground.

He kicked out, catching Sweet in the stomach, and while he was hunched over he landed a punch to his mouth. His shoulder screamed in agony. He had to finish this.

Victor wasn't surprised to see a tooth mixing with the blood in the white snow. He choked. He tried to straighten up but winced when he felt a sharp pain in his rib. One was broken from the feel of things. He managed to straighten up, wincing the whole way. He held a hand to his side and looked at the kid standing in front of him holding a gun aimed at his head.

"On your knees" Jack's voice was low. His body ached, but his arm was steady.

He glared at him defiantly and spat some blood at his feet. The kid kicked out and a sharp pain to his right knee made him drop to the ground. He looked up and met the cold blue eyes staring back at him.

Jack more felt than saw Angel and Jerry's presence behind him.

"Jack. Let me" Angel spoke, resting a hand on Jack's arm.

"No".

Angel hesitated, Jerry looked at him, a question in his eyes. The conflict raged in Angel, but after a few seconds he slowly removed his hand from Jack's arm. Jerry closed his eyes, before nodding to Angel. They stepped closer to Jack and stood right behind him, letting him know that they were there with him.

Jack felt the burning increase as he stared into Sweet's cold eyes. His memories of Ma, of Bobby played out before his eyes. Bobby teaching him how to skate, teaching him to fight, to shoot, buying him candy, teasing him, helping him, saving him. Always saving him. His eyes didn't waver from Sweet's as he pointed the gun at his head. There was nothing left to say.

The sound of the shot echoed in his mind.

Sweet fell backwards into the snow, his eyes glaring up at the sky.

No one moved, and for the first time since Ma had been killed and since Bobby had been shot, Jack felt something other than burning hate and grief. Once again he felt that warm touch on his shoulder and he closed his eyes. It was finally quiet.

**I'm so nervous. I really hope you like it. Nervous nervous nervous. Sorry to any potential Evan fans, but someone "good" had to go. I personally never liked his character, I kind of felt that he betrayed the brothers by talking to Sweet about Bobby, even though he would have found out anyway. Still, don't mess with Bobby. **


	20. Denial

**Woah Sweet finally bit the dust. Now comes the rest... Lucy, it's almost scary how alike our thoughts are concerning this movie lol. Jack, according to me, isn't the type to kill and then just be on his merry way, he's not like Bobby, or even Angel, in that reagard, not that they take it lightly, but he's different. Now he was in a corner, his safety net was gone and he was blinded by rage. He's still in a bad place. We'll see how he deals with everything that has happened. Btw, sorry for the short chapter and the wait, it's been crazy in school this week, expect another chapter this weekend. I don't own four brothers.**

It was almost to easy to focus on what needed to be done, and not think about that fact that he had killed someone. No, not someone. Victor Sweet. The man who killed Ma, and had Bobby shot. It wasn't the first time. He had killed some of the men who came to their house, and he had killed Tommy, but that had been to protect his brothers. This had been about that too, but he wasn't that good at lying to himself that he could deny the fact that it had been just as much about revenge. But it was easy to push those thoughts to the side now, when they still had things to take care of.

The brothers watched as Sweet's former employes dumped his body in the hole in the ice. They watched until he disappered from sight then they turned and walked away, leaving the money with the men.

"And now?" Jerry asked.

Angel slapped him on the back and smiled as Jack lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply "Now we do the gas thing"

Jack smiled as he exhaled.

Lugging a dead body from the trunk of the car to a house wasn't easy, especially since Jack could barely lift his right arm. Needless to say he couldn't do much carrying, but Angel had been kind enough to let him carry the gas can. His grin when he handed it over lit up the whole fucking street, which Jack told him.

He lead the way, Angel and Jerry carrying Fowler between them up to his house. They had covered him up in dark plastic and a lot of other things, making it look like they were simply carrying a carpet if anyone should see them. They glanced around carefully. They had waited until nightfall, but you could never be sure with things like this. Still, they were out of options.

Picking the lock was tricky with one arm but it only took a few minutes for Jack to get it open. He had always had a knack for breaking and entering. Came in handy when the fosterparent of the month decided to leave him outside in pouring rain while he drank himself to sleep. He had even impressed Bobby with his skills.

"You'd think a cop would have better security" Angel stated.

"No need when you're sleeping with the bad guys" Jerry shrugged.

"What are you thinking?" Jack asked, his question directed at Angel. Bobby was usually in charge of these missions.

Angel thought for a second before nodding towards the kitchen. "Gas".

They stayed long enough to make sure the fire spread and then they took off. As they drove away they heard a loud bang, and one glance backwards told them that there wouldn't be much left of Fowler for the cops to find.

Jerry didn't like the thought of being arrested in the middle of the hospital, but that's just the way things roll when your last name is Mercer. He'd been on the phone with Camille, and when he returned to Bobby's room he was greeted to the sight of Angel being dragged away in handcuffs while Jack was pinned to the wall by two cops, all the while yelling obscenites that would have made most hardened criminals blush. For a second Jerry wondered if Bobby could hear them now, but quickly dismissed the thought. If his brothers were being arrested there was no way he would stand aside, coma or not. He saw an officer take one glance at him before striding forward. Jerry sighed and reached his hands out just as Jack was dragged down the hallway, cursing what seemed to be, someones poor mother. Some things never change.

_It was unclear as to who had started it, but Jerry's money was on Bobby, who was at that precise moment being dragged out from Johnny's bar the cops. Jerry was already cuffed, as was Angel, and were being restrained over by the hastily parked police cars. _

"_Oh yeah, ya wanna say that to my face punk?"_

_Jerry sighed as Bobby's enraged voice reached him. He foresaw a long night in jail. "Hey!" He called out as he saw one of the cops twist Bobby's arm in what looked like a painful way. Jail or not, no one was abusing his brother. Soon Bobby was next to them, still mouthing off. He turned suddenly to look at his brothers._

"_Where's Jack?"_

_Angel and Jerry looked at each other in question. _

"_Get your fucking hands off me!"_

_They turned back to the bar as Jack was dragged outside by two cops. They forced him up against the wall and cuffed him none to gently. _

"_Hey, take it easy you fucking punks!" Bobby yelled, starting to walk forward but was soon restrained. _

_Another car pulled up, and Jerry sighed as he saw officer Green exit. He walked right up to Bobby, and stopping in front of him he shook his head._

"_Bobby. Mind telling me what's going on here?"_

"_Do I fucking look like I want to tell you what's going on Green?"_

"_Bobby" Jerry warned. _

_Bobby glanced back to Jack who was now being herded towards them. _

"_You can tell your fucking friends to release my brother, he aint done shit!" _

_The cop holding Jack stopped a few feet away and obviously having heard Bobby's statement he turned to Green. _

"_Jack Mercer was involved in the fight. He punched out a couple of teeths on one guy and struck another one with a beerbottle, in the head"_

_Green lifted an eyebrow at Jack who only glared back before he turned back to Bobby "What were you saying?"_

"_Oh shut up" Jack glared at Green._

"_Take it easy Jack" Jerry murmured._

"_According to who?" Bobby glared at the cop who snapped back._

"_The guy over there on the gurney"_

_Green sighed. How was it that whenever faced with the Mercer brothers he felt ten years older..._

"_He should keep his fucking mouth shut" Angel growled._

_The cop holding Jack started to drag him towards another car, but he resisted. "Let me go you piece of shit!"_

"_Hey he can ride with us!" Bobby argued._

_Green, having had enough of the brothers for one night turned to Bobby. "Oh you think so Officer Mercer?"_

"_Are you fucking deaf? Son of a bitch..." Jack's voice drifted back to them as he was shoved into the awaiting car. _

"_I'm riding with him" Bobby stated and started towards the car, ignoring the fact that his arms were still cuffed behind his back. _

"_I'm constantly surprised by the fact that you think you run this department Bobby"_

"_Well someone has to Green, might as well be someone who has some fucking clue as to what goes on around here right?"_

"_That's it, separate cars for all of you!"_

"_There aren't enough..." One of the cops trailed off after seeing Green's angry glare. _

"_Make it happen"_

"_This time you're not going to sit around and get your stories straight"_

_Bobby laughed as he was led to a car. "As if we would need that..."_

_When Green had placed Jerry in the back of his car and taken place behind the wheel Jerry tried to smooth things over for Jack, since there was little he could do for his other brothers. _

"_You know Green, Jack didn't mean that, he has some problems with authority..._

"_Really? I hadn't noticed" Was the sarcastic reply. _

"What happened to Victor Sweet Jack?"

"Like I said, I don't even know what you're talking about".

The cops had been questioning him for the last hour, he suspected that Angel and Jerry was still in a room too. He could tell they didn't have anything on him, if they did they wouldn't be sitting here trying to make him confess. Of course they hadn't just talked, as his right eye could attest. It was lightly pounding from the punch he got when one of the cops thought he was being too mouthy. Jack didn't care. It was slightly funny that they thought a badly thrown punch to the face could make him talk. Like he hadn't had worse. All he wanted now was to be back at the hospital, with Bobby and the rest of his brothers.

"I'm gonna ask again, where were you yesterday? You and your brothers wasn't at the hospital"

"The doctor thought we could use some rest. I had a mental break you know" Jack stated calmly, like it should be obvious.

"So you were at home all day, and all night then?"

Jack smirked. "Well I did leave home for a little while..."

"And why's that Mercer? Maybe to settle a little score? What did you do?"

Not little, Jack thought bitterly, but his smirk only widened as he looked at the cop asking the question, who also happened to be the one who had punched him. "I was banging your pretty little wife..."

He thought he heard Bobby cheer.

Of course they didn't have anything on them. They knew they had done it but they couldn't prove it. They hadn't even mentioned Fowler and that was a relief, since that had been wild card. They asked about Evan, but Jack knew they were fishing. When he walked out of the station a little while later, Angel and Jerry by his side he wondered if he really was that far gone that he didn't feel one ounce of regret.

"Hows the shoulder?" Angel asked, a worried look on his face.

"Fine Angel, don't worry, you did a good job"

His stitches had ripped during his fight with Sweet, and they couldn't exactly go to the hospital and ask them to fix it, so Angel stitched him up. Having been a marine he knew how. He could have taken some of the painkillers he had been prescribed by the doctor, but they didn't know how much time they had before the cops came knocking, and so Jerry had handed him a bottle of Jack Daniels and squeezed his good shoulder hard. They simply didn't have time for the pills to kick in.

They didn't speak as Jerry waved to a cab, they all knew where they were going.


	21. Tomorrow

**Hey. So I was thinking... I think I'm going to end this story here, and write a sequel. I have some ideas for Bobby, and Jack of course, and I kind of want to turn the page you know? A lot has happened in this story and now it's time to deal with it all, and other things of course. I think I'll continue to write flashbacks since I really enjoy that. If anyone has any objections or suggestions don't be shy lol. So yeah, this is the last chapter then, hope you like it, and I hope you'll follow me to the sequel for more fun, anger, grief and most of all love. As usual I don't own four brothers.**

They say that good things come to those who wait. Jack really hoped there was some truth in that, cause he did wait. They all did. Time, weird concept that it is, seemed to creep by slowly. The clock ticked on, Bobby's chest rose and fell, and the world continued to turn.

It seemed so wrong that the world continued on as if his hadn't come to a stop.

But continue it did. He lost track of the days but he noticed when there were shift changes, the old nurse went home and a new took her place. Most of the time he was quiet, he didn't talk to anyone except for Angel and Jerry, and the hospital staff. And Bobby. In that way things were still the same.

One day he noticed that the old man in the room next to Bobby's was gone.

He knew they talked about them. It's funny how people after awhile assume that you don't hear, if you don't speak much. He saw the way they shook their heads, the sad frown on their face, and he heard the sigh the doctor gave off after his visits. It didn't matter though. They could think what they wanted, they could think that Bobby would never wake up, because Jack knew he would.

At night the doubts came.

Sitting by Bobby's bedside he wondered if he would ever open his eyes again.

At night, he cried.

He sat for hours wondering what he could have done different, how he could have changed what happened, and in his mind he replayed the events that led them here. He saw himself open the door, running after the one who had insulted the only woman who had ever cared about him, but in his mind he didn't run after him, they still came for them but this time they won, they won and it didn't have a cost to it. They didn't have to lose anything.

Other nights he begged and bargained. He pleaded to any higher being that would listen to take him instead, if only his brother would open his eyes again.

Some nights he talked until he could see the sun rise. He talked about growing up, his past, and the future he never thought he would have. How becoming a Mercer saved him. How proud he was to have his brothers.

Sometimes he cursed him. He asked how he could have been so stupid, how he dared to leave him here in this cold place. He told him he would never forgive him if he left for good. These rants were always followed by tears and pleads for forgiveness.

Angel thought he knew pain. He just never knew it could feel like this. Day after day he watched his oldest brother lay still in the hospital bed, not moving. Day after day he watched his youngest brother retreat more and more into himself. He tried to talk to him, but it didn't work. Now, most days he barely answered, usually he just stared as if he had spoken in some language he didn't understand. Sofi came by, claiming that her presence alone would wake Bobby, just so he could demand that she be removed from his room. It didn't work.

He had just wanted a better life. Had that been to much to ask? Was it really that wrong of him? Maybe it had been, and this was his punishment. The guilt was almost more than he could take, it plagued him day and night. He tried to explain it to his wife, to make her understand, but he knew she didn't. She couldn't, not really. Camille was an only child, and try as she might, she could never understand.

The doctor said that Bobby's body was healing, but that he wasn't strong enough yet to come back to them, that he might never be able too. Jack had never heard anything more ridiculous in his life. The thought that Bobby wasn't strong enough was stupid, and he told him so.

They had fallen into a routine strange as it was. The days went by much the same and they barely noticed or cared. But one day something happened, something that changed the void they had fallen into.

That was the day Bobby's heart stopped beating.

Jack had been talked into getting something to eat by the doctor, or rather he had been kicked out of Bobby's room while they were checking his vitals, and the doctor had strongly suggested that he get some food since he couldn't be in the room anyway. Jack knew it was bullshit but the doctor didn't budge. He was filling a glass with milk when he felt it. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and it felt like a cold hand was squeezing his heart. For a moment he was to shocked to move, the glass slipped from his hand and landed on the floor. Then he knew.

He didn't wait for the elevator. He rushed up the stairs, the horrible feeling only growing stronger the closer he got to Bobby's room. Running down the hallway he ignored the calls from the staff asking him to stop. He saw Angel and Jerry coming from the other direction and he met their eyes, the panic visible in his own.

"Jack! What...?"

He didn't stop or answer. He hit his shoulder in the doorframe when he rushed in but he didn't feel it. He came to a stop just inside the door, and felt what was left of his heart break.

Bobby's doctor looked up and met his eyes for a second, the compassion clearly visible, before he turned back to watch the heart monitor as he tried to get Bobby's heart to start beating. Jack heard Angel and Jerry gasp beside him, then he couldn't hear anything but the sound from the monitor, signaling no heartbeat.

"Bobby!" He rushed forward but was stopped by an orderly.

"You can't be here, you have to wait outside"

"That's our brother!" Jerry shouted.

They were more or less pushed out, Angel and Jerry holding Jack back from rushing back in. Long after the doors closed Jack heard that sound in his head.

It took one hour. One hour before they knew. One hour before the doors opened. One hour before they knew if their brother was still alive. One hour that changed them forever.

When the doctor told them that they didn't know yet why Bobby's heart had stopped Jack felt the walls close in on him. They were trying to find out why, but wanted to let them know that he was stable now, and that they could see him.

Jack thought he looked even paler now if that was possible. He reached for his hand but hesitated, he looked so fragile, he didn't want to hurt him. Jerry stopped beside him and motioned for him to go ahead. His hand was rough, just like it always been, Jack swallowed hard.

They sat in silence, gathered around Bobby's bed, all of them to afraid to leave, afraid that if they did, his heart would stop again. It felt like maybe they could prevent it by being there, as if they could somehow keep him here with their presence.

From that day Jack never left Bobby's room.

He seldom slept, tried to avoid it as much as possible. When he did the nightmares tormented him. Instead he watched hockey on the small tv in Bobby's room. He followed the red wings like they had always done and commented to Bobby about the players, told him the score and if they won. Usually Angel and Jerry was there too, but sometimes they left, he didn't know where but he knew why. They knew it was his one chance to talk, since he didn't talk to them. At least not about the shooting, and not about Victor Sweet.

He thought about Evelyn and he wondered if she was dissapointed in him, but most of all he wondered if Bobby would be. He had changed. He looked the same, but he felt different. For so long he had been the one his brothers protected from everything they could, the one who was different, the one who would never know how it felt to take someones life. That had changed. _He _had changed. Would Bobby still see the same Jack when he looked at him?

Ignoring the voice in his head whispering that Bobby might never even look at him again, he leaned his head down against Bobby's and closed his tired eyes. His deepest fear was that Bobby would never wake up, but as he confessed that night, his second was that he would never look at him the same way again.

When Bobby finally woke from his coma it wasn't at all like those dramatic scenes you sometimes see in the movies. It was in the evening exactly three weeks after Jack had killed Sweet and everything was quiet. Angel and Jerry was down in the cafeteria getting some coffee and Jack was sitting in his usual chair next to Bobby's bed. Christmas was around the corner and the hospital was full of decorations. Jack hadn't noticed.

"Jack?"

He had been staring at the wall since his brothers left but when he heard his name from his oldest brothers mouth his head snapped around to look at Bobby.

They stared into each others eyes, confusion in one of them and tears in the others. A few seconds passed and then Jack leaned over and pressed his head against Bobby. He felt Bobby's hand stroke his hair slowly, and he cried.

**Yay Bobby's awake and, well not, well, but awake at least. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and this story, and like I said I really hope you'll follow me to the sequel, that now has a name, it's called "Will you still love me tomorrow?" . First chapter should be up shortly. Lucy, I'm counting on you to be there! **

**For those who at times thought my logic was lacking or at all missing...**

**I didn't want Jack to kill Fowler even though he was prepared to. I wanted Sweet to be the one who Jack crossed that line with. Also I wanted Jerry to get his hands dirty too, they're in this together, and I wanted to show that if need be he'll be there, right along with his brothers. **

**Sweet is obviously not the first man Jack killed, as he killed some of the men in the shooting, and Tommy. In a way I wanted Sweet to be the only one Jack killed, but it didn't work with the story. I also think it shows how much he has to deal with now. But when he killed those people it was in self defence, and the other time to protect Jerry, while he killed Sweet while he was unarmed, and not a threat a that moment (at least no more than usual), and I wanted it to be that way. I thought about that scene a lot, how it would happen, what weapon he would use and so on, since it was such an important part of the story. In the end I didn't want it to be while Sweet was threatening someone else, or him, I wanted Jack to make the descision based on his feelings. It wasn't something that just happened, he chose to kill him. He had a choice, and he picked that one. **


End file.
